I messed up all my friendships need advice
I messed up… I just want my friends
I Messed up 4 friendships
So earlier this week I ended up spiraling almost to the point of no return and during that I ended up messing up the only friendships that I had. I have since been slowly working my way back to a more functioning individual. And I realized I really really messed up. I miss them. But for now they said they’re going no contact.. (like Deleted me off all their social media and stuff) So now I have no one to talk to, at all. (Also with the worry that with literally no support now I’ll fall back into that state. These people were my only friends. I miss them. I know they need time and they need to see a change in me before they’re willing to even attempt a recontact. But there’s a part of me that’s freaking that by the time I make a change they won’t want anything to do with me. And I don’t want to lose them. I just don’t know how to process these emotions or how to handle things..
I screwed up and now I have no one. I never have any friends cause of how I am
@purpleCity6917
I could see how that would feel really anxious/lonely. 💜 While you were spiraling, you said some things where in hindsight you feel like it was a huge mistake. And because of that, your friends have backed away and said that they need a break for now.
You're trying your best to change in a way that would allow them to feel comfortable re-contacting you. But it's really hard when the fact that they've stopped talking with you adds a lot of emotional distress, which is sort of what feels like it causes that spiraling in the first place. So that's scary this thought of, "I'm not sure how to get out of this and be a different person, and maybe even if I do manage to do that they still won't accept me back as a friend and I'll still be all alone like I am now."
If you feel like sharing, what kinds of things do you find yourself doing when you're spiraling that have created problems with your friends?
Also, if you're interested in talking about this 1-on-1, feel free to use my booking form to schedule a chat with me. Alternatively, here is a list of experienced listeners who accept 1-on-1 chats on BPD.
When I spiral I project my fears and anxieties onto others with how I speak and think. I only see negatives and I don’t see any positive in anything. I never say anything nasty about anyone but myself and due to the word vomit and projection and negativity it drives people away. I miss them. I feel horrible. Like physically ill, I am desperate to fix things somehow.
@purpleCity6917
Gotcha, so when you're spiraling, what happens is that you feel a lot of fear/anxiety about other people. You have a lot of thoughts and feelings and most of them feel like they involve suffering.
When you try to share what you're thinking and how you're feeling with other people, they sort of run away and you believe that's because of 1) how much you're sending, 2) the fact that sometimes you're expressing being afraid or feeling unhappy with the people you're sharing things with, and 3) the generally negative/difficult nature of the feelings and thoughts you're expressing.
I could see how that would really make the thoughts/feelings that much more difficult if it's sort of like, "I'm not sure what to do with this. If I'm ever in this state and I reach out for support or try to express any of it, it will push other people away. So I'm kind of just stuck with all of these feelings."
It also sort of legitimizes those fears when the reality at a certain level is, "If I express how I'm feeling, people do tend to run away".
Don’t overthink anything. Don’t lose sight of the hope that they’re there for you,they just need some time. Allow them to have it and know you can overcome the way you feel.
