Non-textbook symptoms of bpd?
Would anyone be able to help me recognize more symptoms of bpd? I have been diagnosed with depression (and bulimia) but I want to go back and see if I have bpd. Some symptoms align but I’m trying not to self diagnosis or get too anxious. I tried diagnostic tools but I know it’s not a diagnosis. Just curious. Lina anxious and not seeing the psychiatrist in a long time.
@friendlyKite2529 I'm not an expert, but I've read that there can be a lot of overlap between depression and BPD, and it's also possible to be diagnosed with both at the same time. Depression can be a very complex disorder with many symptoms, including anxiety. So what you're trying to find out is a very complicated matter, even for professionals.
You mention that you've seen a psychiatrist, but you don't mention what treatment you're having for your depression and bulimia. Are you having treatment, and is it working? If you are somehow able to discover that you have BPD instead (or in addition), would that help you to recover?
Charlie
so I am doing an anti depressant and therapy. I do see improvement but I also see a long way to go and sometimes I feel hopeless that I’ll ever get better
@friendlyKite2529 I suppose it's possible feeling hopeless could be caused by your depression. Is your therapist hopeful? Have you been able to discover the original cause of your depression and begin work on changing it?
Charlie
I think that sufferers of bulimia have a powerful need to control what goes in and stays in their bodies. That control is a driving force behind the bulimics need to binge and purge. With bpd, having control is almost non existent, especially over our emotions. Too often we have little control over letting our emotions hurt others or ourselves. I would be curious to know if these can exist together when they appear to have opposite driving forces.
@kindTurtle3738 That's an interesting perspective. I Googled it, and found several sources confirming that BPD and bulimia can go together. For example, one article about BPD and eating disorders says:
"BPD has shown to be present in about…28% of those with bulimia nervosa."
The same article explains the many links between BPD and bulimia in more detail.
Charlie
@kindTurtle3738
It looks like people with BPD are more likely to have eating disorders than the general population. Some possible explanations that have been given for this: 1) both are associated with a history of childhood trauma, 2) some of the symptoms of BPD can be risk factors for an eating disorder (e.g. increased impulsivity, self-harm urges).
https://www.verywellmind.com/eating-disorders-and-borderline-personality-425424
@kindTurtle3738
Yeah, I wonder if it would be like BPD creates that feeling of not having control... and then the ED helps resolve that feeling because it's like "At least I can try to have some control over my body."
"For the person with an eating disorder, controlling food and the body is their way of relieving distress and achieving some degree of control over their life. Their world feels like an unsafe place, and, for many complex reasons, an eating disorder provides them with a sense of safety."
https://www.bodywhys.ie/understanding-eating-disorders/key-issues/eating-disorders-are-a-coping-mechanism/
TW: potentially triggering
I had a short battle with anorexia in high school. It started with a classmate I made friends with after school, while waiting on my younger brother, who averaged 3 detentions a week, to finish so we could drive home. She made a suicide pact with me on a Thursday for the next morning. I didn’t do it but she did. I told the guidance counselor but she sent her home!!! I know that must have made her feel more unloved and alone. At home she then took my half too. I got the call and drove to hospital. She was dying in children’s ICU. She kept crying that she wanted someone to stop her. On Sunday afternoon she died. I stopped eating. I felt that sense of control as it replaced my guilt. Feeling hungry felt so good and it kept my mind off of my friend who should be alive. If only one person had simply said “I want you to be in the world. You do matter. You’re loved. I will miss you, so you are not leaving “ she would still be doing the yearbook and newsletter. I wouldn’t be so guilt ridden. Instead , i would lose 33% of my body weight in a failed attempt to have control. Control that got out of control. The hunger felt good though. I felt so empty physically It helped me forget how there was nothing real in me. All I ever felt was empty and fake. I existed to please others, and if I failed, I wanted to die. I knew there was something different about me. My siblings criticized me cause I was so emotional. So fidgety(I hated that word). So I turned it all off. That only blinded me from seeing how I could’ve saved her life. Didn’t see the control I thought I had was more about ending my life. Several years past before I try accept how empty I am. Unreal and unstable. Easily rejected by others because I don’t matter. I’m empty and hurt already so what damage could one more abandonment matter. I still battle between being numb or feeling the pain. I really do desire to make others feel better. And I can handle being expendable. I can’t handle changing whoever I am. I adjust pretty good to whatever rabbit hole I fall in. I’ have to be ok with that if I want to survive. I hope this makes some sense but it may only to others like me. Look at it as your purpose born out of sadness or fear. Guilt or shame or whatever it was that never allowed you be more normal. For me now, different is what I like best about me :)))
[Edited by @QuietMagic 10/24/21 to include TW at top per guidelines]
