Attention
hello everyone!
I just realized that I’m emotional starving for attention yes I did a lot of mistakes with man’s just to seek attention , feelings nice talks I knew it’s temporary but the moment a man come and said something nice to me show me he cares I really want him know .
It’s because I don’t give it to myself but really how I can make myself full of attention, love , I want to feed my feelings by myself . Pls don’t convince me by go gym , do activities or self care I do all but it doesn’t work .
@practicalShip4438
I won't convince you to go to the gym at all 😁
I'm sure you are trying your best.
You don't need validation from a man.
But it's not wrong to want attention and to feel wanted and desired and happy.
But there's wrong attention and people who don't deserve it.
It's about accepting yourself and learning that you deserve love and going at your own pace 🩷
@practicalShip4438
Hello! Just reflecting on what you said of "I want to feed my feelings by myself" and brainstorming some things:
1) When I think about what it would be like to offer love to myself, the first place my mind goes is the question of "what things feel good to me?", which makes me think of self-soothing stuff. For example, sometimes I'm feeling tired or sick and I'll just drape a blanket over me and it feels soft/warm/comforting, like what a loving person would do for me if they saw I needed something gentle.
https://www.7cups.com/forum/BorderlinePersonalityDisorderSupportCommunity_81/DBTuesday_2147/Module2DistressToleranceDiscussion4SelfSoothing_267848/
2) If that feels a bit too much like "self-care" or a bit gimmicky, something different could be journaling or letting thoughts/feelings happen and giving them gentle/loving attention. (When I ask think about how a loving person would treat my thoughts/feelings, I imagine they'd ask "how was your day today?" and give me space to untangle and share/feel everything that's happening.)
https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-6-self-compassion-journal/
3) Sometimes I feel too intense/lethargic to write or think and a more minimal/gentle practice is mindfulness (just presence/noticing of what you're feeling)
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/Resources_2667/Module1MindfulnessDiscussion2Observing_262160/
4) Another possible angle is that things like loneliness, meaninglessness, and the feeling of starving don't happen as much if your life is full of pleasant/meaningful things that are pulling your attention. (But this is the "do activities" one that you've mentioned doesn't really work.)
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/Resources_2667/Module3EmotionRegulationDiscussion3ABCPLEASEAccumulatePositiveExperiencesA_272013/
I really like what you said about treating my feelings the way a loving person would. That part hit me. I think I struggle with giving myself that kind of gentleness. Thank you for sharing the links too.🫶🏻🙏🏻💖
You know tell know I can’t forgot my ex 1y 3 month .
I was loving how he treated me like princess yesterday it was 3 weeks even not a relationship maybe but everything happened and when he achieved his goal I think he started to act like he don’t care anyways I really want a long conversation with him but how ? I’m not that girl who chase man even if I’m dying wanting him BUT really I do want an explanation from him
@practicalShip4438
i'm sorry you have been feeling this way as of late. it must be difficult to go through all of this. Always remember that it's okay to feel, and express yourself <3
@practicalShip4438
I'm glad that it resonated! That experience you're describing of being treated like a princess--that feels so relevant to that gentleness. (And that's kind of where my own mind goes when I try to connect with that sort of mindset/feeling. Treating someone/being treated like a precious little angel. 💜) It's a blessing having had that experience just to have the taste of what it's like to feel safe/protected/cared-for, even if it's not permanent.
I'm sorry that your ex stopped caring once his own goals were met. If I'm understanding, when you say you want to have a conversation with him and get an explanation, it's not so much expecting to get back together with him. But rather, you'd like to understand why he had a sudden change of heart and suddenly started feeling/acting differently. Is that correct?
Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. I don’t necessarily want us back together… I just want to understand what changed so suddenly.
Yes it’s blessing to have that experience BUT at the same time or when it ends it’s just a curse
I don't know much as far as advice as accepting yourself. But I just wanted to tell you I can understand and validate your feelings. I had struggled with this most of my life. Seeking men's attention and approval. I would relationship hop and all that. It became my identity for the longest time. I felt so much shame. Some of them treated me so so badly which changed my entire view of myself and changed my life. I quit giving them the power. Eventually got married. Still struggle to find my worth its a work In progress. Some days are better. But I know how this feels. And if you ever need to get your feelings out I can listen pretty well. You are enough! Always have been always will be. Find something you excel in and are good at and that you love. Throw yourself into that. Put your heart into it. Or start helping someone. That might take your mind and heart somewhere else and help you find strength and confidenceI in Yourself.
@practicalShip4438
I appreciate that you took time to acknowledge your emotions in full, and it's more than valid. It's not about convincing but taking a step back to look at why you are feeling this way.
Remember that your pace of healing, and growth is of your own. We are here to always support, and guide you. However, you are the writer and painter of the story you wish to see of your journey <3
Same