Personality Disorders Community Check-in: August 13th - August 19th
Hi PD Support Community! 💚
How are you feeling today?
What question do you wish someone would ask you? How would you answer it?
If you prefer not to answer these questions, feel free to share anything else that's on your mind or say hello or get a hug. 
Looking forward to hearing from you!
💚 Magic
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@QuietMagic
How are you feeling today?
worn out
What question do you wish someone would ask you? How would you answer it?
I wish someone wealthy would ask me if they could pay for all my expenses. I would say yes.
@purpleTree4652
Hope you're able to get some rest and do some fun things. 
Haha, that sounds pretty nice. "I have too much money... would you like some of it?"
Has anybody ever consistently kept their word? I know if I give someone my word I would do whatever it took to keep it. Even if the cost to me was great. But I have met too few people who treated their word to me the same. I was gullible for so long. I would be hurt over and over as one persons word was broken followed by the next. It took a very long time and too many disappointments before my view of others became more and more negative. Just because it was important to me did not make it important to others. I still would love to believe in someone. I’m still shocked when someone Is consistent a few times in a row. But I never believe tbey will be. In fact I expect someone’s word to be broken 10 times to one truth. I do still try to uphold my word but I don’t feel that panic I once did if a fail someone.
@kindTurtle3738
That makes sense, like you're someone who takes commitments really seriously and works really hard to avoid disappointing others. So you assumed for a while that others would be similar, but it turned out other people break their promises a lot and often aren't trustworthy. That happened often enough that now it's sort of surprising if someone actually follows through. Then just based on the fact that everybody else is breaking their promises left and right, it feels like less of a disaster if you occasionally happen to disappoint someone.
All of those changes feel like they could be possibly understood as positive/adaptive.
- 1) adjusting your expectations to protect yourself based on the reality in your own lived experience that other people around you very often break their promises
- 2) noticing certain exceptions where people actually do keep promises and it might possibly be okay to trust them
- 3) being more forgiving of yourself while still continuing to try to do what you feel is right
How am I feeling? Overwhelmed and conquered .defeated
Just one question I wish someone would ask me? What can I do for you that will make your life worth living.
but at the same time, it wouldn’t matter what anyone says they would do for me . I would never be naive enough to believe them. One constant I do see though is most of us are just a thought away from not mattering anymore. Maybe it’s easier for some people to pretend that anyone in severe pain doesn’t exist to protect themselves.
@kindTurtle3738
I'm sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed and defeated.
"What can I do for you that will make your life worth living?" I wonder what some answers to that question might be, if it were possible to trust someone to follow through on what they offer.
Understand what you're saying that it's like there's this contrast where people are in severe suffering and their life is hanging by a thread, but it's something other people seem to block out of consciousness or pretend isn't the case. (I think when I find myself blocking out things like that, it's usually due to a combination of feeling powerless/helpless to fix it, worrying about burnout/vicarious traumatization, and diffusion of responsibility.)
@QuietMagic
How am I feeling today?
Low, dead inside, sad about my FP
What question do I wish people would ask me?
I wish people would ask how they can prove they won't leave me. This is mainly directed to my FP who I think is leaving me.
I know it's unreasonable to ask this. But I would answer it's just the little things. Like tell me things about your day, drop random facetimes with me, arrange to meet up, message me asking how I am, how my day has been. This is what they used to do, and things have changed. That's sad
@lightRaspberries2530
I'm sorry that that's been happening, and that's understandable that you'd be feeling sad. Your FP used to initiate a lot of things like asking how you were doing, how your day has been, and wanting to talk or spend time together. But they're not doing that as much anymore so it seems like they're leaving.
It sounds like you appreciate and value having them in your life. I'm wondering if there's anything that feels reasonable that you might be able to do to keep that connection going. Like, maybe you could share what you're noticing and ask how they're feeling and if there's anything you can help with. Or maybe try to have some regularly scheduled facetimes/meetups if the spontaneous ones aren't happening as much.
@QuietMagic Hi -- this was actually so helpful to read! You're exactly right, that IS why I feel so upset!!!!!!!! I have messaged today saying something along the lines of "i do know you're busy, I was wondering if we could arrange to meet soon" so I'll see what they say, and try the regular/sceduled way you suggest. Is it appropriate to express that's how I feel? Or shall I ask first if it's okay if I share how I feel?
Sorry -- so many questions. I'm just really upset but am trying so hard to not self-destruct again, I'm tired of always feeling like I have to make amends
@lightRaspberries2530
I'm glad it felt helpful. Can appreciate what you're saying that you feel really upset and want to express that feeling and have that be understood and validated. But you also don't want to accidentally say something where you might feel guilty afterwards or like you have to apologize for your feelings. (It's pretty inconvenient to feel like if you're honest, there's a risk of everything becoming chaotic/messy.)
I'm not sure if I can give a definite answer about what is or isn't appropriate to say in this situation. What seems right to me might not necessarily fit with your situation or what feels right to you. I'd be happy to chat with you sometime though if you'd like to talk through this some more. You can use this link to schedule a chat with me.