Personality Disorders Community Check-in: December 24th - December 30th
Hi PD Support Community!
How are you doing today?
Looking forward to hearing from you!
🧡 Magic
Feel free to check out this week's posts for:
DBTuesday (on ACCEPTS)
Thoughtful Thursday (on fear of abandonment)
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@QuietMagic
1. How are you doing today?
I'm ok today. I am resting in bed with my cat, Chloe.
The bummer thing is that my boss changed my schedule in a bad way. It's complicated but I'm going to have to talk to her about it tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that.
@purpleTree4652
Hi Chloe! 🐈
Sorry about the schedule change and I hope your boss is able to understand and fix it.
That sounds really hopeful being able to look at Christmas and feel like, "Oh, I was happy this year... that doesn't usually happen." 😊 Understandable that you might not be feeling as excited about New Year's if there's stressful stuff happening with work.
Hello all! Happy holidays c:
I had a good morning, feeling jittery and overwhelmed right now though. Trying to just enjoy the day!
@ahhhhelpimalive
Happy holidays to you too! Sorry that things are feeling overwhelming or jittery right now. Anything happen to cause that that you'd feel like sharing about?
@QuietMagic
How are you doing today?...Doing ok~
@PoliteOcean
Hi Ocean 💜 Yeah, that's understandable feeling sad at the end of that special time with family. Was there anyone in particular that you really enjoyed being able to spend extra time with?
Good morning,
How are you doing today:
Not great. I had a misophonia issue this morning that woke me out of deep sleep, and in turn caused accidental pain to my partner, whos then anger issues regarding my haste (again, out of sleep) caused me to start splitting and I had to leave the room to try and avoid arguments.
How are you feeling about the holidays:
I miss enjoying Christmas time. :(
@BlueEyedIris
Aw, I'm sorry. 😟 I'm sure you'd have preferred to stay asleep if you were able to and you had no intention of hurting your partner or getting them angry. Is that sequence of events something that happens often?
@QuietMagic
@OneErased
Sorry things have been so hectic! But also glad you didn't have to stay in the hospital, that you've been able to get some support for your health issues, and that you were able to enjoy spending some time with your partner's family. 💜
1. I am not doing okay currently, and it's from guilt and rage from my life as of late, i do not want to cry or yell and scream, or.be mean, but that's all I want to do, to be heard, for a voice, for something to make sense, because all I feel is that I feel shame, regret, so much doubt in myself, and others, honestly, I want to go to the Ward just for therapy, and to be alone, and reflect. I wish I could, but i don't want to, with covid and everything. I feel like such a fucking rage, and i wish i could just stop, and go back and prevent myself from doing things i did. Does this make sense, of answering the question? And how I feel today?
2. The holidays were okay, literally only three days after Christmas my mom pisses me off, and i tell her off, and i honestly wish i can just go go a different country, and be alone left to die.
That's if, I'm not suicidal, but i want to be, just because it sucks, everything sucks right now, i wish i can just have peace.
@sympatheticMelon9856
Hi, sorry that things are feeling that way right now. That makes sense what you're describing. You've been feeling really angry, upset, and guilty. And that leads to this sort of conflict where on the one hand you don't want to express or act on your feelings and have it possibly affect other people and regret/feel guilty about it. But at the same time, you also really want to feel heard and have some voice or have someone understand. You'd just like to have some peace and feel supported, but you're wary of seeking therapy right now with COVID.
I'm not a therapist, but if you ever want an ear to share more about how you're feeling or some of your past experiences, I'd be happy to listen. Can use this link to schedule a chat with me if you're interested. Alternatively, can use this link to try to find another listener who accepts chats on BPD.
@QuietMagic
1. Not good, not gonna lie. My FP has made an already tough day even worse... They know they're my FP by the way. They asked me to open up to them more, so today I tried to. They just left me on read for half an hour (which they know is a huge trigger of splitting for me), and then made up a bad excuse as to why they couldn't talk. They do this every time I try to open up to them =/
2. Just as bad haha. I hate the holidays (got some bad memories from this time), so I always feel worse around this time... I hope everyone else had good holidays though
@t1g3rz4ndsh4rkz
Aw, sorry that that happened. If I'm understanding, they asked you to open up, which you tried to do, but then they weren't responsive after you did share what you were feeling. Which I can understand how that would be pretty upsetting and frustrating. (I know for myself, if I share feelings with someone, I tend to want/expect a certain amount of empathy in return.)
Would it have felt as upsetting if instead of leaving you on read, they responded with something like this? "I've received your message, I care about reading it carefully and responding to it, but I'm not able to respond immediately. I promise I'll do my best to reply within X hours/days."
Yeah, lots of people don't like the holidays for various reasons. I guess yay for them almost being over then. 😊
I am doing okay. My holidays have been alright so far. I am enjoying this time before work becomes more busy next week lol.
Thanks for the check in! Have a Happy New Year folks. :)
@lovelyWhisper66
Hi there--glad you're able to have a bit of a break from work to recharge, in anticipation for when things start ramping up again. 😊 Hope you have an enjoyable new year also.
@QuietMagic I am enjoying it while it lasts lol. Thanks so much, and keep up the amazing work! :)