Personality Disorders Community Check-in: October 2nd–October 8th
Hello, PD Support Community!
Image source: AI-generated
💜 How has your week been so far?
💚 What's something that you'd consider to be a strength or something you're good at?
If you prefer not to answer these questions, feel free to say hello, ask for a hug, or share anything else that's on your mind. 🤍
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@QuietMagic
My strength is my honesty.
My ability to adapt.
And never taking life too seriously 💜💕
@Amanda84
Hello! Hope you're having a good week. (Or if not, then I hope that the adaptation is working its magic. 😊)
@QuietMagic
I'm good, can't complain 🥰
Hi!
My week has been ok. I just seem to be in a low that's lasting longer than I would like.
I'm very good at cooking and baking in my job, that everyone eats everything!
@CelticStar7
Hi, sorry that that low has been happening. (Is that related to what you posted about earlier in the week?)
That's a great skill! Being able to make food that people enjoy and want to eat. 😊
How has your week been so far?
My week has been so fulfilling, being here at 7 cups, learning how you all operate. My heart is breaking wide open with all your expressions. Kindness is a revolution! 🐬
It is a honor to see how people reflex back to each other. It's beautiful.✨
Thanks everyone for being so open welcoming, brave, there for each other and a place to be ourselves.
It's like a retreat here you can choose what you want to do. I just found the mindfulness chat. Going to that this afternoon. Looking forward to it.
Good at: loving kindness = unconditional friendliness 🐸
💚 What's something that you'd consider to be a strength or something you're good at?
@SkillfullMeans
Hello, glad that you've had such a fulfilling week and that you're enjoying 7 Cups so far. 😊 It's definitely a pretty unique culture as far as internet social spaces go.
And loving-kindness is a great thing to be good at: helps you and helps people around you (unconditional like you said so it goes all over the place). 💜
@QuietMagic
💜 How has your week been so far?
so so perhaps?
💚 What's something that you'd consider to be a strength or something you're good at?
probably moving forward. i would say XD
@daydreammemories
Hi there 💜 Makes sense that you'd say "moving forward" with all of the transitions/changes that have been happening lately (that you've mentioned in prior check-ins) that you've been able to navigate pretty well. Hope that things continue to stabilize and solidify
@QuietMagic
Thank you, i appreciate that
@QuietMagic
💜 How has your week been so far?
Incredibly stressful
💚 What's something that you'd consider to be a strength or something you're good at?
I'm intelligent
If you prefer not to answer these questions, feel free to say hello, ask for a hug, or share anything else that's on your mind. 🤍
Despite answering, I still wanted to say hello, hugs would be great, and I hope everyone's upcoming week is great😊I
@K87
Ugh, sorry that your week has been so stressful. 💜 (And I agree with the strength you listed based on our interactions so far.) Has it been more stressful than usual, or are most weeks incredibly stressful?
@QuietMagic
Thank u, my favorite thing about myself and the only thing I've never doubted is my intelligence, thank u.
This week was worse than normal. I'm the executor of my aunt's estate and have been for almost 2 years and everything was fine or so the lawyer for the estate and I thought. She lived in Pennsylvania, but was buried in Maryland so the orphans court (that's the one that deals with wills, it's a strange name, though) said the estate could be probateed in Maryland, the lawyer has been practicing for an eternity (he's an old family friend and was requested by my aunt in her will to represent it and the executor, me) so I assumed between the court and the lawyer they knew what they were talking about and Maryland was fine.
But then we needed a lawyer licensed to practice in Pennsylvania (mine's licensed in Maryland and new Jersey) to help with selling the house because I have to sell a house and car, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but it will be interesting to watch. We had a 1 hour phone consultation with the lawyer in Pennsylvania who did her will and it cost $3600 which is apparently how much he bills per hour, thank God the estate is paying, but I hated him. He was sexist and dismissive and I absolutely hated him. I told the lawyer no, nope, never. So he's trying to find a few other options. The lawyer who we had a consult with decided to tell Pennsylvania about the probate in Maryland despite the house being in Pennsylvania and now Pennsylvania is demanding everything be transferred to them and started over, I basically spent the last 2 years wasting my time while being overwhelming stressed trying to deal with cousins she hated who weren't in the will, but ended up splitting our uncle's amount because he died and my cousins and I are his next of kin. They were calling at 3am demanding to know why the mail takes soo long and other ridiculous stuff that led me to blocking 2 out of the 4 and refusing to speak to one in particular and told the lawyer he had to deal with him because I refused after his stalker like behavior. The last thing I had to do was sell the house, now I have no idea what I have to do because it's starting over and I don't understand how it can truly start over unless they expect people who received money or something else from the will to return it so I can resend it which is nuts. Also, because of my disabilities, I don't drive and I live in Maryland, I don't know how I'm expected to get to Pennsylvania whenever the lawyer I eventually hire summons me or worse, the court. Technically a lawyer can try 1 case in a state they aren't licensed in as long as a lawyer that is licensed in that state vouches for them, he has a few friends licensed in Pennsylvania but different kind of law that he said he'd call this weekend and ask them to vouch for him, but there's still the slight issue of Commonwealth states having different laws in general and that probate laws vary from state to state, we technically still need someone who knows the estate laws there.
The part that upset me was the sudden devastation I felt when I found out it had to be started over in a different state, it felt like I literally just lost her again. I agreed to be executor so I could execute the will and she could then be at peace and I could actually grieve her, but now she won't be at peace anytime soon and I have to put off properly grieving her.
She was more of a mother than my actual mother. Next to my husband, she was the most important person in the world to me and it was really sudden when she died. I honestly still don't know how I'll be ok without her, and the lawyer understands that because they were friends and he's known me my entire life. He tells me stories about her and actually cares, I refuse to hire a lawyer that isn't like him, which means this may never end.
So there was that, and I also tripped off the sidewalk and broke my foot and ankle, I've always been an overachiever, apparently 1 broken bone just wasn't enough. I have to wear this huge cast thing that's impossible to walk in which I suppose is the point since I'm not supposed to walk for the next 4 weeks. When I go back to my doctor, if it hasn't gotten better to some extent that he didn't explain, I have to get surgery.
So yea, it's been way too much stress. I will have a nervous breakdown if it gets worse.
@K87
Here is a huge old fashioned hug! A bunch of them!!! 💛💙💜💚.
Good thing you accepted help. That sounds torturous. ☹️😡.
Glad to have met you!
@SkillfullMeans
Thank u, hugs help make everything better. I'm happy we met as well. 💙💜🧡
@K87
Wow, that is so much to deal with. 😨 (And that's on top of all of the stuff that I spotted in your user bio.)
Just paraphrasing my understanding:
General situation
- You've been working for the past 2 years to try to execute your aunt's estate. You were very close and all that was left was selling the house.
- The aunt lived in PA but was buried in MD. The court and your lawyer in MD who's a family friend were confident that it was okay to handle the will in MD.
- For the last step of selling the house in PA, you needed to reach out to a PA lawyer. You had a consult with a PA lawyer who helped your aunt do her will, and he's basically a cartoon villain. 😅 He was dismissive/sexist, he had exorbitant fees (estate is paying for but still), and most significantly he destroyed 2 years worth of work and emotional labor by reaching out to the state of PA and triggering them to demand that everything be transferred to PA.
Impact - miscellaneous
- This potentially means having to spend more time dealing with the awful cousins (who were so bad that you've already blocked half of them)
- The demand from PA is confusing/stressful because it doesn't really make sense in terms of how to handle it (if people have already received money, are they supposed to send it back?)
- If you get summoned to PA (by a PA lawyer or a court), it's unclear how you're supposed to get there (living in MD, unable to drive)
- There's this issue of finding a lawyer who can help with the PA work. The MD lawyer is trying to reach out to get someone to vouch for him in PA where he isn't licensed--or to do the work themselves--but the laws might be different enough that he still needs someone to help him who knows PA law inside-out. You also want someone who is a decent human being, which maybe narrows the list further.
(I wonder if the 2 years lost was because of some subtle PA legal thing that the MD people had no chance of knowing about and only a PA lawyer would be familiar with. Or alternatively, if the MD people were right, maybe it would still help to have a PA legal expert who can argue with the state of PA and say "no, it doesn't need to be transferred; here's what your own law says".)
Impact - primary
Your aunt was really important to you and you still haven't been able to grieve her loss because:
- 1) You've been locked into managerial/high-functioning adult mode of dealing with all of the estate stuff
- 2) you feel like you haven't been able to fulfill her wishes yet (i.e. she's not at peace)
***
Also the foot/ankle on top of everything else (oh no 😢). Yeah, I guess immobile/non-functioning leg is what the cast is supposed to do, unfortunately. I hope it works and you're able to avoid surgery. (I wonder if the Ehlers-Danlos is connected to the tripping event being enough to cause broken bones?)
I hope the MD lawyer is able to find a good PA lawyer who's the same tier of human being as he is and not a Bond villain like the other PA lawyer. 👀 It doesn't solve everything (e.g. cousins, delayed grieving, transportation) but at that point you'd at least be able to start to outsource some of the legal/logistical problems and mental load and know that there's someone trustworthy and knowledgeable helping you. (Not saying that the MD lawyer isn't trustworthy. You just need a second person from PA who's also trustworthy.)
