Personality Disorders Community Check-in: September 24th - September 30th
Hi PD Support Community! 💙
How are you feeling today?
Is there anything you'd like to share with someone you know that you haven't been able to?
If you prefer not to answer these questions, feel free to share anything else that's on your mind or say hello or get a hug. 
Looking forward to hearing from you!
💙 Magic
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How am I feeling today? Angry. Very angry.
What would I like to tell someone that you haven't been able to? That having a lack of empathy does not make me the monster you think I am especially because I did not make this choice for myself and the fact that people constant bring it up at every opportunity makes me feel extremely uncomfortable
@ROBBER
I'm sorry that that's happening and that makes sense that that would be really frustrating to have people stereotyping you, judging you for something that you have no control over, constantly defining you in terms of that thing, excessively drawing attention to it, and assuming you're some kind of monster when you're just going through the world trying your best like everybody else. 💜
They treat you that bad because you lack empathy? Wow!!!!! When I read the monster part I had to read it again because lacking empathy doesn’t make you a monster! I’m an empath but I’m sure you have other qualities I lack. I think what makes us different are the best traits!! The desirable ones.
I feel like I have Inferiority Complex Personality
I hate it.
How can I change?
@sheepwolf
Hi there. 💜 That's a hard question that I wouldn't trust myself to be able to answer, so I went looking for some resources that have some tips/ideas.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem
I skimmed through these -- just paraphrasing some things in there that I personally liked:
- It's okay to not be perfect and to set realistic expectations for yourself. (If there are things you want to do or change, then can try to come up with reasonable goals that are attainable and come up with a plan that feels doable for reaching those goals.)
- Can try to notice things that you're trying really hard at or doing well at and give yourself credit for that. If there are things you've been able to accomplish, those things are worth acknowledging and feeling proud of.
- It doesn't really matter what other people are doing. You are yourself, you have your own personality and skill set, and your path is to become the happiest version of yourself, at your own pace.
- It's okay to take care of yourself and do things that are relaxing, comfortable, and help you feel good/happy.
If anything I've said or that's in those links feels wrong or like it doesn't fit/work/help, feel free to ignore it.
If you'd like to find someone to talk to, HERE is a list of experienced listeners that take 1-on-1 chats on the topic of self-esteem.
Hi guys. I'll just take some hugs 🤗
@Hopeisreal21
Hugs for you. 😊
@QuietMagic
hii thank you for this check- in.
I'm feeling okay, way better than normal days and I feel like I'm getting a hang of life.
Hope you're doing okay too♥️
@Tamy4210
Hi Tamy! Happy to see you and glad that things are going well. Any idea what changed so that everything feels way better? (No obligation to answer that. 😊)
Feeling neutral, nothing too exciting
something I wish I could tell someone but haven’t would be talking to my psych for longer then 2 mins once a month. Actually feeling like I was being listened to or understood
I mean I appreciate him and what we have done in those brief moments but I wish I felt like I could be more honest without feeling like it would disappoint anyone
@TealAjax
Glad things are neutral. I appreciate having days where things are pretty even.
That makes sense. 💜 The brief moments you were able to talk with him have been helpful, but the fact that you aren't able to talk very often creates a general feeling of not being listened to or cared for. And you feel like if you were to be honest and raise the issue with him, it would possibly cause problems. (Do correct if I've misunderstood anything.)
@QuietMagic, 1. How are you feeling today?
Dejected and shocked
2. Is there anything you'd like to share with someone you know that you haven't been able to?
You hurt me. We’re supposed to be friends, but you just decided not to keep in touch with me like we agreed on. I wish you would have asked me how I felt. I feel rejected, again.
@purpleTree4652
I'm sorry that happened. 😟 You have a friend who had agreed to keep in touch, but they abandoned you without talking with you first about it, which hurts a lot. Offering hugs. 💜
@QuietMagic
Hi Magic,
I'm feeling a bit low. This weekend has been a little more hectic than normal. This past weekend I was in my sister's wedding and while I am excited for her. I'm also worried about our relationship. I struggle with maintaining relationship. I would always go and help entertain the kids while the adults are talking. I never really have long conversations with adults unless I really felt comfortable around them. No body came to me and said "hi how are you?" I'm always the one to go to them to initiate the conversation. I'm frustrated because I'm tired of being the only one hanging onto the relationship. And this is with my family! Nobody ever calls me... I'm always the one calling them. I'm getting tired of being the only one putting out the effort. It's affecting my mental health. And I have others who have told me to stop trying. Family is very important to me. I may have done or said things a few years ago but I wasn't in my right mind at the time. I struggled majorly with BPD. And I wasn't diagnosed until October of 2019. I feel like it's my fault that the relationships that I have are not where I want them to be. I try so hard to "fix them" All my life I have been the one to initiate calls and everything. I'm burned out. I'm feeling lonely and sad. This is what stemmed from just being home for the weekend. I feel like I took 2 steps back. :(
@WonderfulBeauty777
That does sound really hectic. 💜 I'm hearing so many different feelings: frustration, exhaustion, loneliness, self-doubt. Just want to try to summarize to make sure I'm understanding. (Let me know if I've gotten anything wrong.)
- You find it really hard to maintain relationships. Most of the time it feels really uncomfortable talking with other adults. If there's a gathering (like your sister's wedding last weekend), you tend to spend time with the kids helping to entertain them.
- When you're doing that though, it feels like nobody cares enough to come over, say hi, or ask how you're doing.
- You feel like you always have to be the one to initiate contact with your family and nobody else has really reached out in return or shown a similar level of interest in having a relationship. You come away feeling like you care but nobody else does. This has been both frustrating and lonely.
- Some other people you've talked to have suggested giving up on connecting with your family, but it's something that's very important to you and you want very much to be close with them.
- At the same time, you think about some things that you said and did a few years ago, before you were diagnosed with BPD, and feel like maybe you're the one who caused the relationships to become strained. You've been really trying hard to fix it though.
I'm noticing this tension between feeling like "My family is doing something wrong by not caring as much as I do" but also feeling a bit like "I wonder if this is my fault but I'm not sure how to fix it".
During family gatherings growing up I tend to navigate towards the kids and now that they’re grown up a little, I feel I have no one to talk to. During the wedding last weekend, I felt like no one cared enough to come up and say hi. I feel like some of my family is toxic because of the things that some of them said to me or How they acted towards me. I’ve never really learned to stick up for myself. However I’m learning to stick up for myself this past year. I’ve become timid. Your summary was very close to what I said. Thank you for trying to understand! ❤️
@WonderfulBeauty777
Sorry that your family has said/done those things and glad that you're trying to stick up for yourself.
That's been my own experience too that as a baseline I really prefer to be non-confrontational, but it's happened sometimes that it'll feel like someone is hurting me repeatedly. And eventually something kind of snaps and forces me to defend myself like, "This is hurting me. I'm really angry/upset and I'm not willing to allow myself to continue being hurt like this." And sometimes that ends up being helpful.
