April 2022 Events: Honesty Day
Hello everyone! April 30th is Honesty Day.
Honesty Day was created by author Hirsh Goldberg in 1997 in order to promote a book about the historical and everyday impact of lies. 😊 The concept behind the day was to encourage people to communicate honestly with one another.
Benefits of honesty
- Improved well-being: Research has shown that people who try to lie less often experience improved relationships, mental health, and physical health.
- Builds trust: Trust is a common issue in close relationships, and being honest can help with establishing trust.
- Deeper intimacy: If other people know the truth about who we are, then any love or affection we receive from them will feel more substantive.
- Reduced mental strain: Trying to keep track of lies and maintain them can be difficult and act as a source of tension and anxiety.
Tips for being honest
- Identify your triggers: Notice if there are certain situations where you tend to lie most often, what you tend to lie about, and what your reason is for lying. Once you know this, it may be possible to plan around this.
- Be kind: Consider how to phrase feelings and opinions in ways that are gentle. It is often possible to be honest without doing so in a way that feels hurtful to others.
- Write it down: If you find it difficult to share something out loud, consider writing it down and sharing in a letter, e-mail, or text message.
- It’s okay to not share everything: If someone asks something and you prefer not to share, it’s okay to be honest about that and say something like, “I’m not comfortable sharing that.”
- Set boundaries: Sometimes people will lie about their feelings and say yes to things that they don’t want to do. Saying no and giving a complete explanation of the reasoning behind it can help avoid this.
- Change the subject: It may sometimes be helpful to shift the topic of conversation to something else rather than telling a lie.
- It may be helpful to lie sometimes: Some lies are prosocial and can help to maintain trust and harmony, express empathy and compassion, or protect people from severe harm (e.g. abuse, violence).
- Ask if lying is beneficial: Before deciding to lie, consider whether lying feels like it respects and serves the best interests of everyone in the situation. Consider possible future consequences.
Reflection
What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
Sources:
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/honesty-day/
https://www.verywellmind.com/is-it-ever-okay-to-lie-5118228
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-reasons-to-be-honest_b_58dad5f4e4b0487a198a5507
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-lying-5190954
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-lying
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I'm not completely honest with how I'm really feeling most of the time. It's easier to just say I'm ok
@mytwistedsoul
That makes sense. I imagine if you were to say you're not okay, then that might lead things into a vulnerable place where things become a bit more unstable and there's a greater risk of being hurt/disappointed by how other people respond to that.
@QuietMagic One way I lie regularly in all my relationships is by sweetening what I share with people. I don’t always tell the full truth. I almost get scared and admit things in small doses but minimize what the person actually did. I pretend like things don’t really impact me, because I want to appear tough and easy-going. I want people to think I’m more chill than I really am. I don’t want them to feel bad, but in the end I think I do them a disservice. It might sound nice on the surface, but inside I know I’m holding on because it’s not really getting fixed, so it always builds up until the point of no return.
@EmbracingChaos
That makes sense, like there are really difficult experiences that have affected you a lot, but when you do talk about them with other people you'll minimize it and present as though it wasn't a big deal and didn't/doesn't affect you a lot. That's because of 1) not wanting to worry people, 2) wanting people to see you as resilient.
It sounds like you've been pretty successful in being able to influence how people see you, but then the underlying issue/feelings are still there and bothering you a lot. So you're wondering if possibly sharing with more people or being honest about it with someone might help ease some of that pressure.
I guess maybe a follow-up question I might have is whether there are any people who you feel like you'd be willing to trust with the more honest version of things. (I'd understand possibly not wanting to broadcast the full trust to anybody/everybody, but maybe there are specific/special people who you'd feel more comfortable being open with.)
@QuietMagic the only person I’ve been able to break this behavior with is my husband. It took time and practice to see that he took the full truth well. I’m still working on it. He usually knows when I start to do it, and he’ll ask me a couple follow up questions. Sometimes I still don’t say exactly what’s on my mind because I want to make sure I’m properly questioning my own thoughts first before potentially opening up a can of worms. I still try to be more tough than I really am, that seems harder to tackle. He lets me be weak and weird. Life is very different now.
@QuietMagic
What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
probably when people ask me how am I
@CherryBlossom012
I find myself doing that a lot too, just defaulting to saying "I'm good" or "I'm fine" even if maybe that isn't the case.
What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
saying "no", when I don't have the energy or patience, or mental strength to do something when currently I just say "yes" and stress myself out more
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Makes sense--it's really easy to get in the habit of saying "yes" to try to avoid what feels like a stressful conversation and end up taking on a burden that's ultimately more stressful.
For me personally, I started feeling more comfortable saying "no" when I realized that the suffering associated with saying "yes" when I didn't want to felt like it outweighed the discomfort of saying "no".