April 2022 Events: Honesty Day
Hello everyone! April 30th is Honesty Day.
Honesty Day was created by author Hirsh Goldberg in 1997 in order to promote a book about the historical and everyday impact of lies. 😊 The concept behind the day was to encourage people to communicate honestly with one another.
Benefits of honesty
- Improved well-being: Research has shown that people who try to lie less often experience improved relationships, mental health, and physical health.
- Builds trust: Trust is a common issue in close relationships, and being honest can help with establishing trust.
- Deeper intimacy: If other people know the truth about who we are, then any love or affection we receive from them will feel more substantive.
- Reduced mental strain: Trying to keep track of lies and maintain them can be difficult and act as a source of tension and anxiety.
Tips for being honest
- Identify your triggers: Notice if there are certain situations where you tend to lie most often, what you tend to lie about, and what your reason is for lying. Once you know this, it may be possible to plan around this.
- Be kind: Consider how to phrase feelings and opinions in ways that are gentle. It is often possible to be honest without doing so in a way that feels hurtful to others.
- Write it down: If you find it difficult to share something out loud, consider writing it down and sharing in a letter, e-mail, or text message.
- It’s okay to not share everything: If someone asks something and you prefer not to share, it’s okay to be honest about that and say something like, “I’m not comfortable sharing that.”
- Set boundaries: Sometimes people will lie about their feelings and say yes to things that they don’t want to do. Saying no and giving a complete explanation of the reasoning behind it can help avoid this.
- Change the subject: It may sometimes be helpful to shift the topic of conversation to something else rather than telling a lie.
- It may be helpful to lie sometimes: Some lies are prosocial and can help to maintain trust and harmony, express empathy and compassion, or protect people from severe harm (e.g. abuse, violence).
- Ask if lying is beneficial: Before deciding to lie, consider whether lying feels like it respects and serves the best interests of everyone in the situation. Consider possible future consequences.
Reflection
What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
Sources:
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/honesty-day/
https://www.verywellmind.com/is-it-ever-okay-to-lie-5118228
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-reasons-to-be-honest_b_58dad5f4e4b0487a198a5507
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-lying-5190954
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-lying
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I could be more honest when it comes to settings firm boundaries with the many people in my life.
@Derekfan7695
Sounds like that would be helpful if you're able to do it. 💜
@QuietMagic What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
When I less worry about what people might think of me
@hopezzy
That makes sense that if you're not as worried about other people's thoughts/reactions, that might make it easier to be honest.
@QuietMagic How is Lying prosocial? How does telling a lie protect someone from abuse, violence or harm?
@EvolvedScorpio
Hi, that's a good question. Below are the sources/passages that I used as a reference point when writing this post.
1) https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-lying-5190954
Deception researcher Bella DePaulo suggests that people tend to lie about five key topics:
- Their opinions and feelings
- Their actions, plans, and location
- Their achievements, knowledge, and failings
- Explanations for their behaviors
- Facts and personal possessions
Sometimes these lies are deliberate attempts to manipulate others to achieve some personal benefit. In other cases, they might be a way to avoid hurting someone with the truth or hide something that you prefer to keep private.
In fact, researchers distinguish between two different types of lies. Prosocial lies are the small lies that people tell to protect feelings or avoid conflict. On the other hand, antisocial lies intentionally mislead or deceive others for personal gain.
One 2014 study found that while prosocial lies could help promote social harmony, antisocial lies lead to greater fragmentation of social networks.
Consider how lying is affecting your life. Be honest with yourself about how lying is affecting yourself and others.
If you are telling lies for personal gain or manipulating others, you will likely experience a decline in the quality of your close relationships. Sometimes when you better understand the harm that lying can do, you’ll be less likely to rely on it in the future.
***
2) https://www.verywellmind.com/is-it-ever-okay-to-lie-5118228
Sometimes the stakes are high and lies are necessary to safeguard someone’s well-being. In these types of situations, lying for the sake of protecting yourself or loved ones is deemed acceptable:
- Lying to an abuser to escape from or protect someone from domestic abuse.
- Lying to an abuser to protect children from child abuse.
- Lying to someone who is playing with weapons.
- Lying to someone who seems intoxicated or on drugs.
- Lying to someone who seems to be suffering a mental health issue.
***
Here are the original research papers (cited by the two sources above) exploring the idea of prosocial lies vs. antisocial lies:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749597814000983
https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rspb.2014.1195
@QuietMagic
Hello, Magic! It’s nice to meet you. I should be more honest about my feelings as certain circumstances arise, and understand that these feelings are perfectly valid. ❤️
@ThoughtfulBlossom
i feel the same i m not honest sometimes.
@ThoughtfulBlossom couldn’t agree more.
@ThoughtfulBlossom @Sia102 @CYC135
Hello! That sounds like it would make things easier to have those feelings happen and be okay with them Maybe this thread on self-validation might be relevant.
@QuietMagic
Thank you very much for the recommendation! I’ll definitely check it out - self-validation is soooooo important to incorporate into our lives. ❤️
@QuietMagic my feelings, I need to own up to how I genuinely feel. I also need to be able to communicate to others how I feel appropriately in an honest way.
there are a couple of people in my life who I could be more honest with when they do or say something that is terribly wounding to me. 🌸
@peacefulpisces
That makes sense, like if they're seriously hurting you, you'd like for them to be aware of that, know how it's affecting you, and understand that you want them to stop doing that.
@QuietMagic I think the first thing I need to do is look at myself with an open mind and honestly assess who I am and what I have done in life.
@soulsings
A good way to do this could be to start by writing down or thinking about your accomplishments.
As the mind skews toward the negative this will create a positivity buffer around it and allow you to assess yourself more pleasantly.
@Dalladi
Makes sense, like there are positive/notable things that are already there and easy to forget, so consciously writing them or thinking about them could offer a counterbalance if things ever veer in the direction of "There's nothing good about me".
Sometimes for me acknowledging and exploring things that I don't like about myself allows me to reach a point where I either decide to take action to change those things (if possible) or I decide that I have good reasons for being the way I am and become more accepting.
@Dalladi great ideas ! Thank you so much!
@soulsings
That sounds like it would be helpful to look at yourself and have this picture of, "This is who I am, what I care about, and what I've been able to do" and then see how that affects things.
@QuietMagic I agree. One of the things that happens to me is I get lost in my roles and forget that I am more than this body and more than the roles I play. I need to develop a sense of being present and alive in this moment.
The only way I could be more honest was if I actually built a support system that would be there in times of hardship. Not sure I am capable of that anymore since my rape and hospital stay.
@akay06
Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you had that happen and also that the support system wasn't really there when you've needed it.
So if I'm understanding, it's sort of like, "I can't be open with people unless if they are trustworthy/reliable. But people aren't generally there for me when I'm open with them about what's happening."
If you're looking for someone to talk to on 7 Cups, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept chats on traumatic experiences.
@akay06 I am sorry you suffered trauma. That is something no one should have to go through.
Sometimes being honest with myself means I say to myself "I need to rest. I need to have good food to eat. I need to reach out and talk or chat with people." That kind of honesty can defy the convention of put my nose to the grindstone and suffer. Sometimes I need to nourish my inner child.
@QuietMagic Did Congress make Honesty Day a national day? That’s rich!
@helpfulAvocado7912
Haha--that would be ironic, wouldn't it. I think people just make up the days as they feel like it. Happy National Raisin Day to you. 😊
https://nationaltoday.com/april-30-holidays/
@QuietMagic
Thank you for this great post!
What is one situation where you could imagine yourself being more honest than you currently are?
For the sake of peace I'm not honest about my feelings sometimes (in real life not here). Working on it 😊
@amiablePeace77
Thanks! I can understand what you're saying where it's like sharing certain feelings might lead to conflict or instability. I hope you're able to find a way of sharing things that you feel satisfied with.