Silent Cries

@NebulaCreation

Twin you managed to make me cry. I'm so so so sorry you are going through that, Jiffy loves you tho <3

Poem day 2

TW: mentions of sh, depression, and otherwise triggering topics.

Candlelight

Can't take it

A moment more

A second longer

They always tell me

It'll make me stronger

But all I feel

Is pain and grief

In my vacant chest

Not a moment of relief

My cries are now silent

Paint a smile on my face

Come into my house

And destroy my safe space

You've cracked my own heart

Pieces scattered and dull

Emotions all void

And soul all but null

Tired of fighting

The same violent war

"In the stars" they say

"Is where you will soar"

But how can I fly

With wings clipped and torn?

I do hope I can fly

When my soul is reborn

Wings of an angel

Clothed all in white

Please don't run away

I swear I'm no fright

Hold me in your arms

Please wait up for me

Don't leave me behind

Don't leave me to bleed

I know I'm not great

But I try so much

To not join the angels

Lost souls and such

These blessed wings

Seem to curse me deep down

Like an ocean so silent

Takes you while you drown

But nobody talks

Of the beauty below

Maybe swimming with the others

Is something I can show

These scars line my arms

Like a prize on my skin

But they never release

The pain that's within

Builds up like a flood

With a dam barely built

Like a sword in my chest

Yet I'm holding the hilt

I bleed and I cry

Yet it falls on deaf ears

Can anyone save me

In these desolate years?

But it's quite alright

I can smile through the pain

Hide the war beneath my sleeves

Where only failure remain

Whispers in the wind

Of heroes and saints

I'm still waiting for mine

Although the light is too faint

I'll still light my candle

With a match worn and thin

I'll strike out the flame

Right onto my skin

But it's all to keep going

To keep the flame burning

But the heroes are fleeting

And help I am yearning

These hands have done much

But now I shall write

For the rhymes to be heard

And the words out of sight

@NebulaCreation you write so soulful i'm about to cry 😭

@NebulaCreation i love these kind if poetries so much that i started collecting them in my diary. i'm going to write down yours too. can i? it's included in one of my favourites now 😭

Poem Day 3

TW: mentions of loss, but an otherwise beautiful poem

Painting The Sky

I look up at the clouds

Every time the sun fades

I see you painting the skys

All kinds of lovely shades

Did you know my favorite color

Was purple, and maybe blue?

I never saw your face

And yet somehow you knew

Did you know that the clouds

Are prettiest when they're pink?

As I watch from the ocean

And hope my boat doesn't sink

Did you know that the sea

Looks best when it's green?

Like a hue so mysterious

That's almost never seen

Did you know that the sun

Likes to flutter in the clouds?

Peaking through just to greet

It makes me feel proud

Did you know that the trees

Look best when they're bare?

Leaves flitting to the ground

With colors so fair

Did you know every morning

I look up at the sky

To see the colors you paint it

As I smile so high...

Poem Day 4

tw: mentions of s3lf h@rm, @buse, derealization, etc. This is an old vent poem, I don't have motivation to write today. And I am not in a crisis.

Doing Fine

Please please please please

Why is so much going on

Why is this hurting so bad

Why is everything going downhill

Im started to relate to the song Hold On

The lyrics seem to describe my life

As if written by my own hands

Although the pain is not my own

“You locked yourself in the bathroom

Crying on the floor when I break through

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming ‘please dont leave me’”

Am i not good enough?

Have i not been trying enough?

Shes getting help, shes getting better

But she hates my parents for making her like this

The parents tell me ‘she hates us’

I wonder why

Because i know why

I went through the same thing

The hitting got a lot after a while

You cant break us down and wonder why we dont talk to you

You cant be the cause of our trauma and expect us to listen to you

You cant hurt us and tell us to share our pain with you

“Long endless highway, you're silent beside me

Driving a nightmare I can't escape from

Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading

Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones”

Shes hurting, but she wont let me help

How can i help

Tell me what i need to do

Ill be there the whole time, please

I lost two of my brothers

I cant lose a sister too

I cant fail again

Dont leave us like this

“Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

Hold on, I still need you”

Didnt i tell you id be there?

Why are you hiding from me?

Why are you locking yourself up?

Please come back to me

Press pause, rewind the story

Stay in the moments we both were smiling

Im scared to press play, in case the story ends

With your bed empty the next day

I spend so many nights, crying on the floor

Hand clasped over my mouth as i stay silent

Keep it all in, i say, keep it in

She cant see you weak

Youre supposed to protect her

You have to be stable

You have to keep living for her

You have to keep going for her

If you leave, she will too

But if her bed goes empty, so will mine

Our lives are intertwined, it seems

Is this how we’re supposed to live?

We’re raised that pleasing people

Is more important than mental health

That good grades and a good future

Is the only way you can live

That anxiety and depression is normal

That crying yourself to sleep is normal

That tearing out your hair and scratching your wrists are normal

That wanting to unalive is normal

Why is this normal

Why is this accepted

Because we’re teenagers?

Because we’re ‘emotional wrecks’?

Why are you acting like we’re fine?

Why are you hurting us

And acting confused when we dont talk?

Like youre the best parents and we’re the worst children?

You act like doing the minimum as a parent

And providing us with food and shelter

Means we owe you our lives

And our respect

Respect is earned

And just because we’re related

Doesnt mean you can treat us like peasants

And expect us to treat you like royalty

The amount of people

That will relate to these words

Is worrying

But thats normal right?

“Im going under and this time

I feel theres no one to save me

This all or nothing

Really got a way of driving me crazy”

Im drowning in these waves

And i hold my hand up high

But the boats keep going

As the water fills my lungs

Can you hear me screaming

Can you hear me crying

Im trying to be silent

But this world is so violent

“If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe”

Breath, my sister, please

And dont ever stop

Because the moment you do

My world will fall apart

My mind is already shattered

My body broken and torn

Dont destroy this heart too

Its the only thing still beating

Youve all heard these words a million times

Heard my story a million ways

Its become normal now, right?

Normal to have a ‘bad day’

A cry for help

Or a fear of being gone

Forget or be forgotten

Too much to remember

These hands have done too much

Cut one too many times

Punched a little too hard

Pulled a little too much

Are these hands even mine

Is this body even mine?

I claim it, but how do i know

Im not an imposter in my own mind

how do i know

this life isnt a game?

a simulation in my mind

to cope with the memories

how do i know

that the people are real?

and not just figments

of imagination twisted

twisted mind

twisted heart

twisted body

twisted face

am i a bad person?

do i seem that uncaring?

i promise i do try

please tell me im doing okay...

Poem Day 5 (i think)

TW: vivid mentions of sh, @buse, etc.

Wait, Cry, Breathe, Repeat

I wait

as the red lines turn white

and eventually fade

into nothing

I listen

as the screams pierce my ears

and the begging stops

when they accept their fate

I cry

as I remember my own screams

eventually silenced

by my own hands

I watch

as life moves on

as time stops for no one

and im being left behind

I smell

the blood in the air

as I clutch onto my arms

regret filling my lungs

I feel

the pain far beneath

but nobody can see

so i stay silent

I shake

as you grab at my hair

and hit me with your hands

not caring for the bruises

I sit

as i study for the grades

because if im not on top

then im never enough

I lie

as I smile to you all

and say that im fine

when i cant even breath

I run

at the tender age of 8

to escape this living ***

yet im dragged right back down

i shout

as i stand against you

to protect my little siblings

but i fail just the same

I cry

as I beg for some purpose

the pain like a stinging wound

that never goes away

i pull

at the hair on my head

hidden beneath my bed

begging for it to stop

I scratch

at my arms every night

distract from my mind

until they begin to bleed

i breathe

the stench of death lurks

like a hidden reminder

of what i have lost

...I wait

until the pain finally fades

and i lay down to rest

to repeat the next day

Poem day 6

(I had a relatively long poem I was writing but because I'm an idiot I accidentally closed my tab and it didn't save so... you get low effort poem instead) TW: mentions of s3w3rsl!de, sh, d3pression, @buse, etc Child How does one go From an innocent child With dreams of growing up To becoming older And realizing The future isn't what you expected Wondering when All of it will end I suppose it's the simple things But I went from Light hair, almost blonde To a dark brown And eventually A deep red From smiling daily Eyes sparkling with hope To struggling to smile Eyes heavy with exhaustion From wearing bracelets Simply for the fun of it To using them to cover The battle scars From shorts and skirts And frilly bright colors To long sleeves always Dark colors to blend in From adoring my smile And the look of my face To wearing a mask And avoiding cameras From two parents Who never fought To one who abused And another locked away From the hope of a brother Maybe even two To crying in my room To the angels in the sky From running outside Playing out in the yard To running through the grass To get far away From laughing with my mother And sisters alike To crying as I ran From the swings of her hand From having a friend Maybe two if I liked To being bullied and threatened A knife in my face How does one go From an innocent child With dreams of growing up To becoming older And realizing The future isn't what you expected Wondering when All of it will end

I apologize for not posting many poems. The forum is glitching out for some reason and I've been very busy. Will be posting more soon <3

(also, if anyone knows how to delete a forum post, please tell me <3)

Poem day 6 (the other poem glitched out)

TW: mentions of sh, loss, @buse, etc.

It's Just A Number

Six

Six bruises on my leg

When I walked into the counselor's office

And told her my story

Of how I got gained these marks

Six

Six years old

Was the last time I saw my father

Before he was thrown into a cell

And I haven't seen him since

Six

Six alters in my head

When I stood in front of that screen

Realizing it should only be me

Six

Six years ago

Was the first time I harmed

And since then, I haven't stopped

Six

Six in the morning

I laid in my bed wide awake

Another sleepless night as I got up for the day

Six

Six minute drive

From me to my friend's house

As I ran and held her in my arms

Her stepfather nowhere to be seen

Six

Six years I've known this friend

Yet after everything I did

They still used me as a therapist or a toy

Six

Six years old

Is what my brother would today

If he took that first breath

Instead of joining the angels one sudden night