[TW] Poetry by Jefferythebunny

Thus might be my last poem

I'm sick of creating rubbish

And I'm tired of existing

Tw- sh, su!c!de, Ed?

I'm waiting to let go

Waiting to release

To remove

But in order to let go

I have to get out of bed

Out of this space

Which seems impossible

I cannot act upon thoughts

If I cannot act upon anything

I cannot unalive

If I can't get out of bed

Part of it is fear

If I get up

I'll find the beauty

Find a reason not to leave

Something to keep me here

I can't have that

I need to let go

I need to say goodbye

So I write

To all my friends

I love you

And I'm sorry

Be okay without me

I know I'll never be able to move

Be able to act

But

Saying goodbye

Is almost as painful as d*ing

I pick

And I scratch

And I burn

And I cut

Knowing it won't end it

Just make my existence more painful

Isn't that what I want though

To leave

To perish

To rot like garbage in some hole

To perish

Is triumph

To live

Is To fail

But also isn't perishing

Cowardly

Does it make me a coward

Because I can't live anymore

Hold your breathe

And close your eyes

Hold your breathe for as long as possible

Til your eyes water

Till yoy are shaking

Till every inch of your body

Every damn centimeter

Burns

That is what it's like

To live

To be me

To not perish

I cannot will myself from this bed

But I cannot live

I cannot d*e

When existence is too painful

I cannot sleep

Because I'm too tired

I cannot eat

Because I'm too hungry

I cannot see

Because the light is too much

And so I wait

i said i was done but i honestly don't care. im so sick of existing and producing garbage but yk what, no one reads it anyway

Tw: system stuff, invalidation, fake claiming, and talking about walking off a metaphorical cliff

You tell me that i’m valid

As long as I don’t feel a certain way

I'm sorry this is popular

Im sorry tik tok made this fun

Im sorry that it seems common

But your biased sample pool

Doesnt prove to be worthy

You can't walk into a room full of gays

And you can't look at them

And think, wow homosexuality is popular

The media is making it seem fun

So why must you walk into a room

Of mentally ill teens

And say

Woah a lot of you have mental disorders

I'm sorry *** made this photo-worthy

Tik tok made it fun

I've been feeling like this since before tik tok

But because it's popular, it's not worthy

Sure some people fake it

They think it's cool

They think they want this

Because tik tok made it fun

But there is nothing fun about this

Do you think I want this?

I didn't discover this on pintrest

Scrolling one day

Decided hmm maybe this is me

No i came searching for help

Looking

Struggling

Because i couldn't survive like this anymore

To invalidate me

After everything ive been through

Just hurts

I didnt ask for this

But i deserve the right to embrace it

Im a human being

We all are

Every last one of us

So say im lying

Say its a ploy

Say its popular

So fake it

Pretend you have it

Pretend its fun

Pretend you really have savages running around in your head

And when im gone

When i finally walk away

I hope you realize

At one point

We were alive

But to say we arent

Just pushed us further

Off the cliff we were already standing on

@amiablebunny4016 @nebulacreation

I've decided to enter 3 of my poems into a contest, I will write a rhyming one for one of the entries, because that's what they like best (gotta give the people what they want), most likely I'll enter the Beautiful field (the first of this post with a lil bit of the second kinda a blend)

But I wanted to ask if you have any opinions for the 3rd?

Lemme knowwww

@Jefferythebunny319 Thank you for sharing. I love reading poetry about people's emotions!

title: the man across from me

tw: sh,ed,abuse,sewerslide

I look at this man

Sitting across from me

Is he breathing?

Is he alive?

Is he even human?

She sits there

And stares

Blankly at the wall

What is wrong with her?

Why is she the way she is?

Is there anyway to help her?

They move

Without a sound

Are the scared?

What happened to them?

Who hurt them this way?

He adjusts his sleeve

to cover the scars

Does anyone notice his wounds?

Do they believe his lies?

Will he ever stop?

She lifts up her shirt

I can see her ribs

Shes covered in stretch marks

How long as she been like this?

When was the last time she ate?

Is this the reason for her faded out eyes

Her hair falling out

Clumps cast away on the floor?

Are the yellow stains on her teeth from stomach acid?

They click

And snap their fingers

Over and over

do they snap to cope?

Do people yell at them

Just for existing?

He flinches as someone makes a noise

A tear falls across his cheek

Does he want to hide?

Was he born this way?

Or did someone make him this way?

She looks at my nose

Trying to look attentive

But eye contact is too painful

Does anyone care?

Does anyone else see her pain?

Will anyone notice as she continues to slip away?

They grab something sharp

I want to yell

Tell them to stop

But i cant move my mouth

Do they care about the scars?

Is there anyone who can help them not do this?

How can i make them stop?

As i look at the man in the mirror

And he looks back at me

About to make the dumbest mistake of his life

Of my life

Because the man across from me

Is me

She is me

They are me

The man across from me

Is just my reflection

I no longer care enough to stop him

title: post-modern souther gothic carcus

massive tw: eating disorder. i discuss calorie counts and measurements. i describe what I've done to my body on this journey and all the affects of it, please don't read if you don't wanna be triggered

‘Dont do this

Your hair will fall out’

I brush my hair

Trying to untangle the knots

I just washed it

And it looks dead

Its falling out in clumps

Maybe i should knit a sweater, it would help keep me warm

‘Dont do this

Your teeth with turn yellow’

I dont smile

Not just because i cant, but because

Of the damage ive done

If yellow teeth was a trend

Was a hype

Me and my stomach acid

Would have been popular

Finally

‘Dont do this

You will be cold all the time’

I adjust my sweatshirt

Its 90 degrees outside

And im freezing

Im shivering

I throw on an extra blanket

Atleast the baggy sweaters will distract from the fat

Hanging off me

‘Dont do this

You will be exhausted’

Im ready for bed

Its 10:42

In the morning

I slept 7 hours last night

Yet im exhausted

If i go back to sleep

No one will notice how much weight ive put on

My eyes are hazy

I look distracted

Not just because my attention span

Is non existent

But because

They look dead

I feel like ive been dipped in fire

Maybe i am dead

Maybe this is death

I cant be alive

Not after all of this

I want to stop

So desperately to stop

To look alive again

And not

A post-modern southern gothic

Carcass of a man

Im starting to look good though

I was big

Now im small

Not small enough

But smaller

People are nice

People complement me

Not like they did before

But My chest is too small

My waist is too big

My thighs are a mess

So i keep going

I count the calories

Instead of 900

Today i will do 8

I dont care i need 1200 to live

I cant live unless im smaller

I keep going

I keep measuring

My waist is 24 inches

I need 21

To be the perfect 31:21:31 ratio

I squeeze the measuring tape smaller

23.75

23.5

23.25

23

I release because i need to breathe

I will do better

Will this keep going until i fade away?

Will i get help?

Or will i finally be perfect?

@Jefferythebunny319✨❤️

NEw poem im jist ventin this time no editing i want it raw

title: what if?

tw:sh, bullying, ed, general mental illness, suicide, hospital

what if I told you I had a chronic illness,

multiple, raging through my body, causing endless struggle?

what if I told you there's a pill I can take,

but it only makes other things worse?

what if I told you there was a cure,

but its expensive and I cant afford it?

what if I told you most people with these illness end up in the hospital,

and a lot of times they die?

what if I told you some days the pain is so bad,

I don't get out of bed?

what if I described to you the symptoms,

the raging pain, the constant coldness, the exhaustion,

the brittle teeth, the hair falling out in clumps?

what if I told you that I'm only a child,

and my illnesses prevent me from playing and being happy?

I'm guessing you would feel pretty bad.

I'm guessing you have this image,

of a kid, since I mentioned hair I'm guessing bald,

half dead, in the hospital, complaining about their pain.

I'm guessing you feel pretty bad.

I'm guessing your heart goes out to me

and you will tell me you'll pray.

Now what if I gave you my diagnosises

anxiety

depression

adhd

anorexia

would you still feel bad?

Would you still shed a tear at my story?

Im guessing not.

Youd continue to laugh at the barcodes on my arms

you'd continue to act embarrassed when I stim

you'd continue to ignore me not eating

you will whisper in the bathroom while I vomit in the background

if i get hospitalized, you will make fun of me, you will continue to avoid me,

say I'm contagious

then one day the loud speaker comes on

'please join us in a moment of silence for Avy.

last night they hanged themselves.

they were loved by our entire community.

they will be missed'

some of you will care

some will hear the announcement and know that at one point you weren't alone

and some of you wont look up from your phone

some of you will believe the lies

that i was loved

you will market me,

make me an example, pretend to care

but you wont change.

so tell me.

what if i told you that this was your fault?

what if your to blame?

would you care?

no you wouldn't

so scroll past my story

ignore me while im here

and just only care about the kids

who illnesses arent in there brain

because mine don't exist anyway.

Tw-ed, sh

im avy

im a mess

i have more scars then I can count

I'm lonely

and alone

I csnt think

let alone leave bed

I'm ugly

inside and out

I'm just a boring person

I have absolutely no talent

I don't mean anything to anyone...

But I'm also avy.

Avy who says the most out-of-pocket things.

Avy who is somewhat funny

avy who just wants less pain for everyone.

Avy whos good at makeup.

Avy who likes to read.

Avy who will sacrifice the food of their plate for you, no matter how hungry they are.

How can I be both of these people at once?

Who the *** am I?

TW- sui and caps

It takes a different kind of genius

To be who i am

Genius…

Genius…

Genius?

Maybe insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over

Over and over

Over and

Over

And over

Expecting different results

So why do i awake everyday, expecting different results

I feel my clock ticking

Ticking away

Each tick subtracting a second left

Tick tock

Tick tock

Louder and louder

Tick tock

Tick tock

Tick tock

TICK TOCK

Eventually my clock will stop ticking

My heart will stop beating

302400 seconds left

302399

302398

302397

Tick tock avy you are out of time

Theres only so much time left

Time until you go home

Where even is home

Home is peace

Tick tock….

I dont know if i will end up in heaven or ***

I dont believe in that crap

Once im rid of this body

Of this life

Ill just float

Floating out of this horrible life

Free at last

When you wake up on saturday

I will be free

Free as the wind

The world will be brighter and calmer

And until then

Tick tock….

On the outside im doing better

Im clean

Jesus crist im *** clean

And happy

And im eating

But im running out of time

I just wanna be happy at the end

Tick tock….