Valentine’s Day Lies About Love

"It’s February. Everywhere you look, sweet-smelling red roses, assorted chocolates, and heart-shaped balloons surround you. Even if you want to avoid it entirely, you can’t escape the cultural messages of romantic love: Valentine’s Day is coming.

Cultural Pressure and Skewed Messages of Love on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day exacerbates the cultural message that you should have a mate (or at least a date—certainly don’t be single!), buy them an expensive gift, and express your unending affection for them in a romantic way.

These cultural messages strongly affect our behavior: According to 2022 data from the National Retail Federation, people in the United States spent $23.9 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts, with candy, greeting cards, and flowers being the most popular. In addition, we are encouraged to express highly skewed messages about love to our mates. A quick perusal of the cards at your local store displays the unrealistic, fantasy versions of romance perpetuated on this holiday

Communicating Honestly on Valentine’s Day

The more we feed into the socially-reinforced, overly-romantic messages about love as a promise to be together forever, only have romantic feelings for one other human, and guarantees about how you will feel, act, and think in the future, the more we perpetuate unrealistic expectations of romantic relationships.

Recent research suggests that Valentine’s Day can actually be unpleasant, stressful, and emotionally upsetting for many. A recent study of over 2000 participants found that people who did not receive a gift on Valentine’s Day reported more symptoms of depression than those who did get a gift (Lange et al., 2022). While men in the study tended to rebound in mood after about two weeks, women’s self-reported symptoms of sadness often lingered over three weeks.

So, as you think about what you may want to communicate to a dating partner, spouse, or loved one (remember that you can celebrate friends, family and yourself on this holiday too!), remind yourself to only communicate things you can honestly say.

A few tips to get you started:

• Focus on how you feel today. The only thing you know for sure is how you feel now and how you felt in the past—not how you will feel in the future—so focus there.
• Cut out extreme language. Always, never, and forever are rarely descriptions you can truthfully use when it comes to romantic love!
• Say what you honestly appreciate about your partner and your relationship.
• If you want to talk about the future, focus on your hopes and goals. Don’t promise things you can’t know will be true."

Read the full article on Psychology Today

✨Takeaway: On Valentine's Day, there is a lot of social pressure for people to impress their partners. We frequently demonstrate our affection for our partners through highly idealized, inaccurate remarks as a result of cultural pressure. Honest communication is essential for building relationships of trust and battling irrational cultural expectations.

✨Reflection: What are your thoughts towards Valentine's Day?

#Valentines #Holiday #Love #Relationship

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