Sharing Insights & Reflections of Books 🌻

@52Hertzzz

For these days I will be working on the book titled 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone' by Lori Gottlieb.

This book records real-life cases of what the author experiences as a therapist, and is warm, inspirational and healing.

Btw, it is very friendly for beginners! :)

For today, I reflected a little bit on my listening journey.

On Dependency, Understanding, and Growth

The sentence that first caught my attention was a quote from James Baldwin:
"Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch."

This is likely why most of us, despite visibly suffering in relationships, find it so hard to walk away. We dislike the pain we’re experiencing, but we’re terrified of the emptiness and loneliness we might feel if that relationship truly vanishes from our lives. 

Thus, as listeners here, we try to offer the support to make it easier and less lonely when people are fighting their own journeys.

"It’s impossible to get to know people deeply and not come to like them."
As a listener, I couldn’t resonate more with this. I have always believed that no one in this world is perfect, and while everyone is already enduring their own struggles, there are always merits waiting to be discovered in each person. I became a listener because I cherish the feeling of being trusted, when people reveal their true selves, I invariably glimpse something warm, caring, resilient, or simply beautiful within every one of them. Every person is like a unique story waiting for me to discover. So we try not to judge, for we don’t even have a clear standard to measure by.

As the text states:
"Our training has taught us theories, tools, and techniques, but beneath our hard-earned expertise lies the truth that we all know how difficult it is to be human."

And because we know this hardness, compassion becomes not just a choice but a necessity. Judgment comes easily; true understanding demands courage, not only toward others, but toward the unpolished edges of ourselves. We know the struggle, so we strive to understand.

In our journey together, "We learn how to accept feedback, tolerate discomfort, become aware of blind spots, and recognize how our personal histories and behaviors affect ourselves and others."

Therapy (or deep listening) evokes complex reactions because it demands a kind of emotional nudity. To examine our blind spots, sit with discomfort, or trace how our past scripts our present, it’s like standing before a mirror that reflects parts of us we’ve never shown, or groping in the dark for a door we’re not sure exists. I like how the author actually uses an analogy for this: therapy is like pornography, both involve nudity (one physically one mentally though), and both have millions of users, who keep their use private. Sometimes it might be hard to completely reveal yourself to someone, but this very process of reaching out to a listener or therapist will teache us: To make peace with our imperfect selves, to balance dependence and autonomy, and to let our scars become bridges of empathy rather than walls of isolation

At the end of the day, we're all just figuring it out as we go. We stay in things that aren't good for us because the unknown scares us more. We push people away while secretly hoping they'll stay. We want to change but dread what it might require.

That's why listening matters so much. It's not about having all the answers , it’s about saying, "Hey, I see you struggling. Me too sometimes. Let's sit with this together for a while."

The interesting part is, when someone really listens to us, we often start hearing ourselves more clearly too. We begin to notice that maybe, just maybe, we're stronger than we thought. Not perfect - never that. But strong enough to take the next small step.

And really, what else is there but taking those small but strong steps, one awkward, hopeful, human one at a time :)

This is really long.... Thank you for reading!!

In the vast universe, each of us lives on our own lonely planet, wrapped in our own atmosphere, maintaining seemingly insurmountable distances from others. This imagery depicted by Saint-Exupéry in The Little Prince perfectly captures the existential dilemma of modern humans, we yearn to be understood, yet fear being seen through; we long for intimacy yet instinctively protect ourselves. The story of the Little Prince and his rose resonates across time because it is not merely a fable about first love but a mirror reflecting the deepest paradox of human emotion. I mean, what is love anyways? Human beings are born conflicted, thus it is not surprising that love is both armor and vulnerability, both constraint and liberation. When the Little Prince finally realizes, "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important," he articulates the essence of love. Love is not the spark of instant attraction but the slow process of taming, the miracle of two souls shaping and fulfilling each other in the river of time.  

The rose's use of thorns as armor reflects the dilemma and conflict of emotional expression nowadays. This proud flower does not love the Little Prince any less, on the contrary, her love is so intense that she does not know how to express it. She masks dependence with demands and conceals fragility with arrogance, much like contemporary behaviors in intimate relationships: testing warmth with coldness, measuring closeness with distance. Psychology refers to this phenomenon as "attachment defense", when individuals anticipate rejection or hurt, they unconsciously adopt distant or hostile attitudes to protect themselves. The rose’s repeated insistence on her uniqueness while demanding for a glass globe and a screen, all conceal a subtext, which is "Prove your love for me, make me certain I am worthy of it." Tragically, the young Little Prince fails to decode this language of love, seeing only the surface arrogance and unreasonable demands. When the rose says, "I am the only one of my kind in the universe," I believe she is not stating a botanical fact, but trying to reveal an emotional truth: In your heart, I should be irreplaceable. And that’s what she wants the little prince to see through her layers of protection and masks.  

The Little Prince’s  journey after leaving the rose symbolizes humanity’s search for the true meaning of love after emotional setbacks. When he arrives at Earth’s rose garden and sees five thousand roses identical to his own, at that point his world and his belief breaks down. Objectively speaking, the world contains countless similar individuals, and no single rose is biologically more special than another. Yet from a subjective standpoint, the one we have invested time and emotion in holds irreplaceable value. The French philosopher Simone Weil once noted, "Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." So, as The Little Prince waters, protects from pests, and sheltering his rose, he transforms an ordinary flower into something sacred in his heart. Just like the concept of "taming" that the fox later explains to him later, every small action in a relationship fosters the process of formation of a deeper bond. I am also very touched hen the fox says, "If you come at four in the afternoon, I shall begin to be happy by three," as many people I encountered before, love brings happiness and expectation, and it brings colour to a black-and-white based world.  

The fox’s lesson on "taming" offers us a path beyond loneliness. In the original French, ‘apprivoiser’ carries the sense of "establishing a connection" or "becoming familiar." This process requires both parties to willingly relinquish part of their boundaries, allowing the other to influence and change them. Psychologist Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, describes mature love as a union that preserves individual dignity and integrity. The fox’s request that the Little Prince "must be very patient" and "sit a little away from me" at first is also very smart,for it reveals the delicate balance required for true intimacy: too much closeness triggers defense mechanisms, while too much distance prevents connection. Modern relationships sometimes swing between extremes, either complete openness that blurs boundaries or excessive defense that isolates. The fox’s wisdom lies in understanding that real closeness requires rhythm and distance, allowing space for the other to become themselves. By the time the Little Prince tames the fox, their relationship is no longer generic "human and animal" but uniquely "the Little Prince and his fox" this specificity is the creative power of love.  

"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed,"In today’s consumerist society, relationships are often treated as disposable goods, when a product shows flaws or loses novelty, we discard rather than repair. The story of the Little Prince and the rose critiques this throwaway culture. When you allow someone to become unique in your life, you forge an eternal ethical bond. German philosopher Martin Buber, in ‘I and Thou’, distinguishes between "I-It" and "I-Thou" relationships: the former treats others as tools to fulfill needs, while the latter is a genuine meeting between subjects. The Little Prince’s sense of responsibility stems from this "I-Thou" connection, he no longer sees the rose as an object providing beauty and fragrance but recognizes its intrinsic value as an equal being. This recognition demands that he remain connected to the rose’s fate even after leaving.  

The Little Prince’s ultimate decision to return to his rose reveals love’s final test, return and choice. After traveling to multiple planets and encountering the absurdities of adulthood (the king, the drunkard, the businessman), he gains the ability to re-examine his first love. This journey reflects the development of human emotion: only through separation can we grasp the meaning of union; only by experiencing multiplicity can we make conscious choices rather than habitual attachments. The Little Prince’s epiphany in the rose garden is precisely this declaration, he stops searching for the "best" rose and reaffirms the irreplaceability of his rose. This affirmation is not a compromise based on comparison but a cherishing of shared history. Modern people often suffer from "the grass is greener" syndrome, believing a better option lies elsewhere, while overlooking the accumulated value of existing bonds. However, love’s mature form is not the initial rush of infatuation but the resolve to grow together despite imperfections.  

Projecting The Little Prince’s philosophy onto modern life, in an era of fast love, we reduce relationships to quantifiable metrics—"compatibility," "criteria," "chemistry"—forgetting that love is fundamentally an act of co-creation. ***-era dating culture encourages us to reduce others to swipeable images, while algorithmically suggested "matches" reinforce consumerist logic in human connections. In this context, the story of the Little Prince and the rose  reminds us that true intimacy requires time, shared experience, and investment beyond utilitarian calculation. When two people say, "I choose to spend time on you," they are really saying, "I choose to co-create a world of meaning with you." Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love posits that passion, intimacy, and commitment combine to form consummate love, from initial attraction (passion), to daily interaction (intimacy), to post-separation choice and responsibility (commitment).  

The Little Prince leaves us with an eternal dialectic of love and loneliness. We do indeed live on lonely planets, but love creates gravitational bonds between them. Saint-Exupéry’s deceptively simple tale teaches us: loneliness is not the opposite of love but its prerequisite—only by acknowledging each other’s independence can true encounters occur; only with proper distance can fusion hold meaning. The Little Prince’s relationships with the rose and the fox illustrate love’s dual forms: one is fateful entanglement, the other rational connection. Together, they form love’s complete picture. When modern people wonder, "How do I find true love?" The Little Prince offers an answer both simple and profound, love is not found in distant searches but in present investment; not in perfect objects but in shared creation. As the fox says, "One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye." When we learn to measure love with the heart rather than criteria, with time rather than moments, we finally step off our lonely planets and find, in the vast universe, the one we choose to tame.  

Does the Little Prince return to his rose in the end? Saint-Exupéry leaves the question open. We can never be certain if our devotion will be rewarded, if our choices will be cherished. Yet it is precisely this courage to invest despite uncertainty that makes love so moving. Perhaps the essence of love lies not in ensuring the rose will wait forever, but in setting forth on the journey home even without that guarantee. In this sense, The Little Prince is not just a fable about love but a mirror reflecting every modern wanderer in the labyrinth of emotion: we are both the rose protecting itself with thorns and the Little Prince who storms away yet longs to return; both the fox waiting to be tamed and the lonely soul yearning to tame another. What unites these fractured selves is the courage to love despite the risk and the resolve to bear eternal responsibility for all we have tamed.