Anxious, overwhelmed, and beat up
Very sad 😢 but hopeful
I feel like a mess, and I want to give up and run away, but that is not an option, so I'll hold my head up, and keep trying.
Stupid and overwhelmed
Today I feel full of energy because I have been bicycling in the sunshine.
So down, so afraid. Idk what to do
Alright
very overwhelmed, but i'm trying to think positive
depressed and useless. trying to conjure up creative energy out an emotional vacuum. trying to overcome whatever is blockading my ability to work on my writing project. it's my only outlet, my only escape. without it i am just languishing in a naked colorless tomb of loveless solitude. im sick of just wasting my time browsing socia media or looking at stupid stuff online that does nothing for me. finding an easy and meaningless diversion instead of engaging my writing passion. i feel so dead and vacant. life is utterly sterile. im sick of searching in vain for some quick fix. im sick of squandering any moment of my day looking on a dating website because i think somehow something miraculous can be gleaned from it. replaying the same track of inescapable tragic truth. wont find love when you want it too much when you look so hard... wont find it rotting in this shell either. wont find it without being assertive and confident. action and inaction both appear self-defeating. but the folly of it all is my own warped mirage the glowing romance-tinted glasses ive looked out since boyhood. chasing those butterflies that dissolve on the horizon... stop doing this to yourself-- i plead... these empty efforts yield nothing but a more anguished sense of hopelessness. writing is my salvation and yet this barren monotonous life has depleted me. this is a nowhere wasteland.
@nuitnoire42 I've felt like that before, I would write, color, or watch a comedy movie.
@Rebekahwriter13
thanks for your kindness.
@nuitnoire42
First of all, your writing is beautiful, even when talking about such a sad and upsetting thing. I can see why you like it.
I'm sorry to say that there isn't really a quick fix. Most people have to work for years to try to pull themselves out of this type of senario, and I personally think that anyone who tells you it should be over soon has never been depressed themselves.
While a boyfriend/girlfriend can help, I think it's more important to have good friends. They can help so much, and sometimes more than a boyfriend/girlfriend could.
I know it's hard to stay hopefull, but try not to lose all your wishes and dreams for this world. Yeah, it can suck here, but it isn't all bad. At least, that's my experience. I always have something to hold on to, and from your post, I would think that's your writing. Please cling onto that and cherish it, because hobbies and passions can help so much!
Try to stay strong. I know it's hard, but please try.
@kouseiarima1 thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. It's just a very rough spell right now where my life is stopped in this hiatus state and nothing is currently fostering any joy or hope or creative vigor. If nothing else I wish i could get back into my writing project that for several months was stimulating my imagination and creative passion more than anything i've ever tried writing. but i hit a wall and i haven't been able to rekindle the drive. i think it's just the very constricted and monotonous scope of my present circumstances. im on empty. i cant just wish myself back to that productive wavelength. it's been so long since ive finished a writing project. i got caught up in the enormous stress and excessive demands of a public teaching career for four years. my goal was to prove i have stability, a profession that props me up so i can have something to offer. instead it cost me untold measureless amounts of heartache and totally sabotaged my creative force. and i never came anywhere near any kind of relationship. instead these past few years have been among the loneliest and most difficult. i have very few friends left anymore. i can count on one hand with a few fingers still left the number of people close enough to me that i can contact on a regular basis. so many people my age are now married and plenty are having kids and yet i am back at square 1 trying to negotiate a new strategy for myself. and ive done plenty of damage to myself through self-medicating and substance abuse. i know that love cannot solve my problems and it is not a panacea. i guess i just wish i felt i were in the game. that i were even eligible. i dont even remember the last time i felt flirtation. not once in my 30s. my years are passing me by without approaching what i yearn for out of this life... there may be better days ahead. but they aren't within sight right now. truth be told i have zero clue how they may emerge... it seems so incredibly far out of reach the prospect of at least savoring possibilities again... being vitalized and refreshed with energizing hope and exciting dynamics to interact with and even test the waters again.
@nuitnoire42
Once again, beautiful language! And once again, sad topic, but that's to be expected. I know that I, personally would love to read anything you write. Your writing style is medlocial and reminds me of a song, and I like that a lot.
I know it's a bit of a social push to get married and have kids, but you don't necessarily need that (and I think you know that from my interpretation of your words). It can be tough when you see everyone doing something that you aren't. Just try to relax about that situation and tell yourself there's no particular rush. I'd say to just let things happen.
As for your writing block, I know how it feels and it's very frustrating. What usually helps me is to switch up what I'm writing. For instance, if I'm writing a story and hit a wall, then I might switch to poetry or song lyrics for a bit. Or I'll read until I become inspired again. Don't give up! Just try to find other things you like doing. It's always nice to find something you're good at or enjoy. For me, that tends to be new music. I lose myself in the lyrics until I feel better.
Just keep going. I know it can be really hard somedays, but please, try to find a reason, even if it's just one, to go on.
I sincerely hope that your writing block dissapates and that your worries become easier to bear, because your writing is lovely and you seem like a nice person.
@nuitnoire42 Wow! You certainly write well! I totally enjoyed reading that whole thing! Great prose!
@Swish2Swish thank you very much that means a lot to me :-)
@nuitnoire42 Cool! :)
I'm not feeling the best. My thoughts keep rotating back to things I'd rather not think of, and I have so much nervous energy that I can't stay still. I'm also just feeling down. I hope it doesn't get worse.