Say what you'd most like to hear...

That I have a right to my opinion.

Quite often people try to push their perspective as the only possibility and right one. At times if we agree over a point even that will be like your view is okay but you got all the reasons wrong, let me explain. Lol

Never think you're not worth it!

"I love the real you just how you are.. You are real and perfect including all your imperfections"

Its ok to feel what you are feeling

Thanks, mom.

"As bad as it's been for the past long while, we'll be okay. I'm going to stay with you."

You are an interesting person

You can do this!

I forgive you and regret nothing.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong kind of answer. When you gave me the chance to write just what I've always wanted somebody to say to me, so much came to my head I needed to get it onto paper. And now I'm sat here with a bunch of paragraphs. More like a lifestory, but still the stuff I need somebody to tell me.

If you don't like reading through long paragraphs, or if this is the wrong kind of format, please ignore this.

You're not intentionally hurting others with your problems, no matter how many times you've heard your parents say this to you.

The people who would laugh at you in the streets. It weren't a delusion. You have never been delusional. Forget what the therapists claimed. They never had to experience what you've been through. Their lives were never that tough, which is why they brush it aside as "delusion".

You've stayed in bed for so much of your life. No matter how many times you try and reason with the family, all they hear are excuses, but I don't. You have struggled with your mental health for quite some time, and sometimes bad habits are all you really know. If your life was any different, how would you be now? Would you still be laid down, wasting away as if this bed is your coffin? Is this what you amount your existence to?

You don't need to suffer alone. I'm going to force you to get out of this habit, and even when you fall back on yourself, I won't blame you or claim your issues a hinderance on my own life. Your problems affect you more than they ever will me, because I have the priviledge of never have gone through this kind of turmoil in the beginning. Unlike you, I can still find a way to pursue my happiness without needing to put myself into hibernation. My life can still continue, but you... yours is barely hanging by a thread.

I won't tell you others have it worse. I know how counterproductive this is. To compare one's experience to anothers. We all suffer in our own ways. Our problems are unique, and there is always someone who is going to have it worse. Even those in the worst type of situations can find others worse off than them. This isn't to become ignorant of those in dangerous situations. We should be fortunate that we've got a roof over our heads and food to last us throughout the years. There are people out there who are hurting, who are being hurt, and none of it is fair. They never should have to go through that level of psychological torment. So while we struggle with our own issues, we must acknowledge other struggles and yet not shut ourselves down because of it.

The stronger we can become, the more ability we've given ourselves to help others. Hurting ourselves for being hurt would only push us further into the ditches we've dug. We become less aware of the world around us, and right now this is your reality.

I'm sorry you can't handle doing any kind of work right now. I noticed how cross your family are getting because you're not doing much to help them out. Your mum's a single parent at the moment due to money problems. Dad can't afford to move back in just yet, so right now you both are the only adults in the household. You know how much harder this makes her life, and you know much more pathetic it makes you seem. We both can't deny how self-centered you have become, and half of me wants to rub your back and tell you that whatever is going through your head makes it impossible to do anything (you've even started neglecting your own heatlh!) and that it isn't your fault, but another part is making me want to tell you that you can at least do something. Even if it's one of the smallest things you can do, whatever helps your mum have an easier life, it won't go unnoticed either because right now we are at a point where the smallest contribution you make is taken as a blessing.

Your life is beyond stressful, and it doesn't help that you have no therapist in your life either. Yes, you've got the one from the gender clinic, but she isn't there to offer proper counselling. It has never been harder to find help now that you're an adult. And the fact it takes us this long to realise this. It isn't a fault of your own. As children we take a lot for granted. We wish to become grown up so bad. The help you had back then only got on your nerves. You hated having people monitoring you 24/7. You hated people always trying to "help" you get better. Because back then, everything was a game to you, your mental illnesses were a game. And now you're nearing 20, and you've never felt so alone.

Your parents can't cope with your issues. You've got too many and you've been this way since 7. But the way your parents react to your issues, your behaviours, your "coping mechanisms" isn't right. They don't see what is happening beneath the surface. They see excuses. They see entitlement. They see laziness. They see you doing nothing all day. They see you being a waste of space. The amount of times you've tried to explain to them your behaviour, only to have it thrown back into your face.

Like last night's argument. I know you weren't shouting in their faces, but that's what they saw. Your heart was aching. Why was everyone so cross with you? You didn't do anything wrong. You know you didn't. I know you didn't. But everyone was going at you, telling you off for "having issues" and making out that you were only trying to hurt others for your own selfish desire. Your dad said it best. "It's always about YOU! YOU! YOU! And you're tearing our family apart! You're putting a brick wall between our (mum/dad's) marriage! You're making everyone ill! You just keep pushing everyone to their limits! Every time you're making people feel worse, because this is what you do! Your depression is ruining us!"

And all you were doing was begging for them to understand, but they kept coming up with their own reasons and ignored you. Whenever you try to find ways of fixing yourself, your parents always remind you how it won't work. They tell you there's no point. That you won't ever find any answers. And that you're going to be like this forever. So it feels like when you're trying to make things better for yourself, they shut it down.

You have every right to try and find a solution to your problems. Nobody should give you grief for trying to figure out what the best thing is for you. It may take time away from your life. It may stop you from focusing on others, but when you finally do find an answer I know you're going to feel the best you've ever felt.

I'm sorry for the way life is. It shouldn't be like this. Everything is so topsy-turvey. And nothing you do can ever be right.