Advice on no contact
Hello all.. thank you for reading my thread. So basically, I have been in a relationship with a boy for the last year and half, although we live in the same town he is in the Navy and therefore he is rarely "home". We have had our ups and downs during our relationship, he is a very cold person whereas I sometimes need that little bit of reassurance which he couldn't always give. Anyway, we have always worked through our issues and been able to salvage our relationship until last weekend. I'd made a hint to him that I'd like it if he opened up more, he would bring up something like us having a house in the future and as quickly as he started the conversation he would end it. So I just said it would be nice if we could have a few more of those conversations etc. Anyway I woke up to messages from him the next day saying he could never give me the stability, money, house that I deserved and that he wanted me to find someone who deserved me as he wasn't good enough for me. This went backwards and forwards a while, I did the wrong thing of begging but it obviously got me no where. He told me that I should never think it was because of me that he left. And said he wasn't built for relationships. I left him to it and it's been 4 days now since I messaged him last.. should k let him cool off during no contact and see what happens or do I need to move on? I am heartbroken.
@Kathx
Hey sweetheart and I want to say thank you for sharing your story. I think that it is unfair that he is refusing to open up to you and you two have been dating for one and a half now. The biggest key in any relationship is communication, which he is refusing to give you. And the fact that he is ending conversations when you want to talk and have a decent conversation sounds like he is stonewalling and ignoring the fact that he doesn't want to talk but is not having the decency to tell you how he feels. I do not know if the navy is teaching him this kind of technique, but I would believe that going to the Navy is impacting on his mental state because when he sees you, that's probably what is on his mind at the time.
I would say that do not try to beg for him to talk to you because if you are giving a 50 percent to your part, there should be no excuse that he cannot do the same. It sounds like you are giving a 100 and he is not inputting anything. I will not necessarily continue talking to him if he continues to stonewall. And since he gave an explanation into why he is not talking to you and the reason he gave was that you deserve better than him, that is a man's way of saying that he wants to break up with you but do not want to come right on out and say it.
I cannot make the decision for you to find someone better because I do not want to make it seem like I am agreeing with him. I want you to do what is best for you. If you want to be with him, I will say go for it or continue fighting for him, go for it. If you do not want to be with him, move on. But always remember: you come first. Do not waste your time, love, and energy on someone who does not see for the beautiful and positive woman that you are. No man has no right to treat a woman like that.
I am sorry that you are heartbroken, but you will rise above this. Do not continue to text him if he doesn't reply back. Take this as a sign to take care of you because all that energy that you used for the relationship can now go inside of you to be strong above this current situation.
I hope that helps, baby doll! And feel free to text me anytime if you need more time to talk!
OriginalBeauty9103
@originalBeauty9103 thank you so much for replying. I have again resisted contacting him, day 4 today and I feel like I'm having a bad day but I refuse to let myself down and reach out. I noticed today he liked another girls Instagram picture, which I then over analysed but I managed to come off social media and read a book in the garden for over an hour which did help me take my mind off things. It's only officially been since Sunday since things ended so it's still very early days and I know deep down he is not talking to anyone else it's just my mind is my worst enemy sometimes and I over think anything and everything. I know we both need more time but there's still half of me that wants him to contact me just so I know he misses me :(
@Kathx
Hey I've been through the same thing. More than once. And I've always taken the route of reaching out to them and trying to make things work and it always just left me broken hearted. I totally agree that you should not feel like you did anything wrong, it seems like you gave your 100% but he wasnt accepting that right now. The best thing to do is hear what he said and take that without overanalyzing it (I know its hard). If you need to write down exactly what he said on a piece of paper without adding any of your own words to it, do it! Because if I know one thing is that if someone wants something, they'll find it and get it. Maybe he will in a couple months, and maybe you won't then, but right now you two aren't on the same page and that sucks but it's okay. My advice is take exactly what he said as his truth and keep moving forward. Because I'm 100% sure theres someone out there who will give you what you're looking for at the right time <3 Hang in there love