Been debating about posting....but here it goes.......**sigh**

@crimsonGlobe1973 Right now, I'm at school, so I can't type that much until I get home, so it will be short. Sorry about that.

But I suggest confronting him about it. He might not understand with one sentence. Try to find at least a few minutes to sit down and have a serious conversation with him to clarify. If you can't, it's best to write a letter explaining.

Again, sorry this was short. Wish u could write more, but I could only have time to type the main point. Hope it goes well.

@crimsonGlobe1973

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Three years ago, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart. I was still married at the time, but the marriage was over and had been over for years before. I can remember talking to my then-best-friend 5-6 years ago about how I just wanted to end the marriage. I finally did. Been divorced for 2 years. Toward the end, the divorce got nasty. (It sounds like it wasn't an admicable divorce, hopefully you don't have to go through something like this again). If you need to know more about the divorce just ask, and I'll answer any questions you may have.

Anyhooooo...I moved in with Mr. HS (Mr. High School) a year ago. (I don't know how long you waited, but the right amount to move in someone is over 2 years because they are still many things to know about this person. There's certain behaviors that won't appear during the friendship stage or honeymoon phase, that will come up during the relationship stage). I literally left everything I had, left a job of 5 years, left friends to start a new life....one that seemed so promising. The way Mr. HS and I reconnected after so many years was amazing... like we had never left each other's sides since high school. Life was enjoyable again. We rented a house and for the first 7-8 months, everything was fine. (Things are going good so far for the first 7-8 months, I believe this is where both sides started putting their best foot forward?) I found a new (and better) job, he was employed. Things were just moving along.

I should mention, in case this is one of the underlying issues that I'm just not seeing.... that I don't have any kids. I wanted kids, but could never convince the Ex to have kids. (It's unfortunate things went this way, it was as if you two didn't have similar values and goals). Hate that I even have to use the word CONVINCE but that's what I was trying to do. Until about 2010. THEN he wanted to have a child, and when it didn't happen, I went to the dr and found out I had high-end stage 2 Uterine Cancer and had to have a complete hysterectomy.(Cancer its one of the most stressful things to experience, hopefully the cancer has been taken care of) Mr. HS has a total of 8 kids...not all of them with us. Only the two boys (18 and 17) live with us. His daughter (21) lives here in town and has 2 children of her own (2 and 5m). His other children live back up north with their mother. His two youngest daughters (11 and 12) come for the summer. It was a big adjustment to go from zero kids to two teenagers living with me. (It's understandable, it usually takes time to adjust living with two teenagers. At first it becomes challenging, but after awhile you start getting the hang of it). We've had a few issues with respect toward me but both seem fine now. They know they can come to me for things they need cause I'm easier YES then dad is. Which may be causing issues too. I do not know.

So, fast forward a year and I find myself completely frazzled. Part of the problem is the passion is gone...from him. (This tells me he has gotten complacent in the relationship). He (literally) swept me off my feet the first time I was with him and now the second time. (He was putting the effort in romancing you and taking you out on dates here). I know the old saying "The Honey Moon is Over" and I totally get that philosophy. (The "Honeymoon Phase" is over when one or both side stop putting the same level effort from the beginning, if one or both sides lose their feelings, if they grow apart and other reasons). But if it wasn't for the hug and kiss goodbye in the morning on the way out the door or the kiss goodnight.... there's no physical interaction at all! I'll be honest...(He is definetly not meeting your needs here. I believe he is behaving cold and dettached from the relationship, he has turned this relationship into a roomate or friendship type). I think he has the sexiest hands....they're big and completely engulf my little hands when we're holding hands. And I LONG for those hands to touch me. But they don't. (It's understandable you feel this way, you want to feel his touch and affection like you used to because it makes you feel loved, comfortable, safe and connected with him). I'm about crying just typing this!! I've mentioned to him a few weeks ago that hey....you know... it's "Been Awhile" (You did the right thing by mentioning this to him, it shows you handle this on a mature way) and I get a response about how many hours he's worked, and how tired he is. (He is trying to defend himself, minimize the situation, using logic and reason, and justifying himself. A man will usually think logically, while a woman will usually come from a place of emotions. Men and women communicate differently, this is where it creates arguments and fights. If he tells me that then I would think like "It sounds logical what he is saying", but to a woman it would make her think like "He doesn't care about me, doesn't love me and it's hurting me". He is not using proper communication, so it'll make you feel disconnected from him and then you'll slowly lose all of the feelings for him because he is making you feel abandoned and neglected. He takes what you say personally, tries to minimize the situation, and then it's not going to make you feel loved, comfortable, safe, heard and understood). I told him on Sunday that even though I told him I'm very low maintenance.....I do require SOME maintenance once in a while to which he giggled and hasn't touched me yet. (You are doing the right thing by communicating with him, but he isn't taking your words and feelings into account. It's very very important to validate, empathize, understanding a woman feelings and emotions, if not she is going to associate "hurt and negativity" with her man. He is not willing to make the effort here, so you got to make a decision here...)

I not only love him.... but I'm IN LOVE with him. But when I try to talk to him about things that are on my mind...I kind of get the brush off. (He is dismissing how you feel, this is something he shouldn't do...). That I'm... "Over Thinking" and "Have too much time to think things up". It hurts. (You are feeling hurt, which means it's part of feeling disconnected from him. Human feel comfortable and safe in the connection, bond, attachment with others, but if disconnection happens its where it'll trigger separation anxiety and it'll cause a lot of hurt. He is being negative, negating you and how you feel, imposing what he thinks, so this is not going to make you feel safe at all. He needs to validate and empathize what you say, but he lacks this ability).I know these are real feelings because these are real tears dripping down my cheek. (Disconnection hurts a lot...it'll make you feel all kinds of feelings because he is not trying to understand where you are coming from).

We have 4 dogs, and one of them is an OLD stray...11-12 years old, that we took in. When he has to go outside during the night, he scratches on the bedroom door. I can also hear their claws on the hardwood floors as their walking during the night. This causes me to wake up, let the dogs out, let them back in then go back to bed. (This sounds reasonable, it's not fair the dogs are doing this to the floors) This is usually around 4-5 in the morning. (This will definetly interfere with your sleep, often it'll feel as if you didn't sleep at all when you wake up in the morning). And even though there are FOUR of us in the house...I tend to be the only one that can hear this racket, and therefore the only one that will wake up and let the dogs out. Mr. HS said that this is ridiculous, that I need to wear ear-plugs, and that I can't 'tune it out' because I've never had kids running around .(He is being rude and disrespectful here, expecting you to do wear ear-plugs is a way to minimize how you feel. He was very hurtful by saying "You can't tune it out because you never had kids running around"...what does not having kids has to do with a dog making sounds?, He is being ridiculous and silly by making those kind of comments) He's told me that a few time and it's almost like a dig at me for not ever having kids. (He is being disrespectful, and unconciously he is pushing you away. He is the type of person who can't handle emotions or closeness well so he will often sabotage the relationship by dismissing how you feel or saying rude comments to push you away). I just don't know what to make of it.

He's able to push thoughts to the back of his mind, (He tends to push things under the rug, project how he feels on you, minimize how he feels so he will do it to you, can't handle closeness at all, emotions and love feels uncomfortable and lacks empathy). whereas my thoughts are front and center. (You sounds like a good communicator who does not push things under rug, but rather faces them). I like to think that I'm a strong person, can deal with just about anything, put a smile on my face and push through. (This is not a good idea, you are pretty much letting him walk all over you). But he gives me the impression that he doesn't care. (His actions and words are communication he doesn't care). That he's not attracted to me any longer. I can still feel the love from him (most of the time) but even a smack on the butt would be nice once in a while. He used to do it. Not anymore. He used to come up behind me while I was doing dishes and hug me from behind, and kiss my neck. Not anymore. I miss that. I want that back and I'm not sure how to do it. (Women tend to look how things used to be beginning, so if it doesn't match it in the present then they will feel like the man doesn't care or love them. He stopped being the man who was playful, naughty, romantic, so it'll make you feel like he doesn't care. He has gotten complacent to the point everything he says and does becomes negative, and then it'll make you feel disconnected and not loved).

I'm I being irrational?? (No, everything you have said is accurate and reasonable. I have seen this often in tons of relationships) Is there something here that I'm not understanding?? (He is a dismissive person, which means he will dismiss his feelings and then he will do the same to you. He doesn't attach well and will push things under the rug). I'm hoping a man can chime in on this and give me SOMETHING to work with as far as how the male-brain operates! (I'm man, we usually are wired with logic and reason, and women are wired emotionally. A man needs to listen and be understanding of the woman feelings (vice-versa), without using logic and reason because it's going to make her get mad and hurt at the same time). I don't want to keep hounding him about being intimate cause I'm afraid that WILL push him away and make me less attractive to him. (He is not meeting any of your needs, has stopped putting the effort, and doesnt make you feel loved. Can you really put up with this in the long term?)

Who can help me here? My mind goes in a million directions every day. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Partly because of the dogs scratching at night... but also because I'm emotional drained!! I don't have any friends here in town now....my family is 10 hours away...and I'm not that close to my new co-workers.