Boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me because of my anxiety.
I have been suffering with anxiety for about 12-13 years so when I got into my relationship with my ex 8 years ago things were great. Yeah I am shy and whatnot but he didn't care he adored me. Recently he was telling me that he's getting tired of me and my anxiety. Everytime I see him I'd always have to hide my anxiety from him because even the slightest panic attack he would get angry whether we are watching a movie or eating. He and I have this friendship bond as well and that he rather us be friends than be in a relationship and but after be broke up with me 3 weeks ago and he is already dating other people and honestly I don't know what to do. If I leave i lose my best friend and I'll be all alone if I don't leave I'll suffer watching him grow further and further away from me. I wish I had friends, people in my life I can be around with. Dealing with things by yourself is difficult because you can't give yourself advice. So that is why I came to this app to get something I need the honest and brutal truth. Or how can I even grow and move on?
Thanks for reading.
@Sarunary
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
I have been suffering with anxiety for about 12-13 years so when I got into my relationship with my ex 8 years ago things were great. Yeah I am shy and whatnot but he didn't care he adored me. Recently he was telling me that he's getting tired of me and my anxiety. Everytime I see him I'd always have to hide my anxiety from him (This a strong indication you feel comfortable and safe in sharing how you feel. This means you are walking on eggshells) because even the slightest panic attack he would get angry whether we are watching a movie or eating. (His behavior is inappropiate, its a sign he is impatient and irritable. You have your own struggles, and his behavior will add more to your anxiety because he is showing zero empathy and understanding of how you feel. I highly doubt he communicates like an adult, and has zero ability to be attune to how you feel. His behavior is a red flag) He and I have this friendship bond as well and that he rather us be friends than be in a relationship (This means he was already making excuses to exit the relationship. He prefer to keep distance between the two of you, while he begins to explore other options) and but after be broke up with me 3 weeks ago and he is already dating other people and honestly I don't know what to do. (This tells me he has been dating other people while being with you, so this means he was not really loyal or truthful about this) If I leave i lose my best friend and I'll be all alone (I understand you feel afraid of being alone, its one of the most scariest feelings to go through. I get the sense you projected tons of unmet needs and made it so where you feel complete while being with him. The thing is you are tolerating mistreatment and trying to be someone who is not a good partner.) if I don't leave I'll suffer watching him grow further and further away from me.(Its scary trying to make a decision about this, but he only cares about how he feels. You deserve someone who is patient, caring and truly understand your struggles with anxiety) I wish I had friends, people in my life I can be around with. Dealing with things by yourself is difficult because you can't give yourself advice. So that is why I came to this app to get something I need the honest and brutal truth. Or how can I even grow and move on? (Moving forward will take awhile, but this process will not start aslong as you are in contact with him. I understand you are in a lot of hurt and pain, but trying to stay in this relationship will only cause you more harm to your anxiety and self esteem)
@freshLight64
Thank you for breaking down your reply it really shows how helpful you are to others. Being alone is scary and i know it will take me time to accept my fate.
It just really sucks that after being with me for so long things had to end in suck a negative way. 3 weeks ago he had a mental breakdown when he was in another country and missed his flight. He blamed me for not being there with him and he completely changed his attitude on our relationship. We both have dealt worse but for him to end it because I wasn't there just makes me feel like I am not strong enough.
@Sarunary
I understand your pain because I'm going though the same thing. We get so used to someone's company that once they leave us we don't find anything to fulfilled that hole they left. I'd like to talk to you if you are down. I'm not native English spdak but I can give you some support. Tell me any social media we can talk
@Brokensoul999
I'm sorry that you are dealing with the same thing. But yes that would be great to talk to you, hopefully I can lend a hand in your situation.
Don't work about the language barrier there's always a way around it. We can message through Instagram if that's easier? (My IG is the same as this username)
@Sarunary
Not sure which one. What is your profile picture
@Brokensoul999
My profile pic is a Psyduck called Mr. Duck
@Sarunary
You are welcome, hopefully you feel better soon.
Being alone is scary and i know it will take me time to accept my fate. (Believe it is very very scary, but it's something you can get used to. If you felt alone or were abandoned growing up then being alone will make you feel tremendous anxiety and pain. Your body is reacting to past trauma that became triggered during the present moment)
It just really sucks that after being with me for so long things had to end in suck a negative way. (Its awful, and it really hurts since you two were together for over 8 years) 3 weeks ago he had a mental breakdown when he was in another country and missed his flight. He blamed me for not being there with him and he completely changed his attitude on our relationship. (I have huge issue about this. I understand if he felt disappointed in missing the flight since it was a different country. The deeper issue going here is that it all really lies in "You were not here to take care of me, so ill be angry and blame you". This is attachment trauma he has where he was never taken care of by his parents, expects others to take care of him and he gets very angry when he perceives no one is taking care of him. Its impossible to have a healthy with someone like him because of what i mentioned. He ended the relationship because of his own issues, not what you did) We both have dealt worse but for him to end it because I wasn't there just makes me feel like I am not strong enough. (I can see why it would make you feel this way because in the past this is how they make you feel if you were not there for others or behave a certain way for them. It's unreasonable of him to expect you to be there for him when you were away, you didn't do anything wrong here)
@Sarunary
Hi Sarunary, sending you a big hug 1st of all. I am also new on this site. When I read your story I can totally relate. My boyfriend of 5 years also broke my heart. And its been hell. But to be honest I feel like we both need to focus on ourselves. Fix our anxiety because our health is 1st. My ex was also my best friend and to be honest he is the love of my life. But I know I have to put me 1st. If things are meant to be we will find each other again. But if you see him moving on and dating... and if you still have feelings you are only hurting yourself. Thats why I dont have any social media like Facebook or Instagram because I dont want to hurt my feelings by seeing things. When Im trying to focus on myself and feeling better. Im here for you even if you need someone to talk to! Im sure we can both help each other! We have to be strong! 💛 hope my message helps you in a way! And also for you to know you are not alone!
@AyeAna
Thank you ! I am sorry you as well have dealt with this situation. It so difficult letting them go after being so close to them. You really have made my day and you're right I need to focus on my self. Letting him know I can't have this friendship with him will be one of the hardest things to do, but I know I will have to do it.
@Sarunary
Trust me I totally understand! My ex was my best friend he was the only one that truly knew me. I trusted him and most of all he was my comfort. But I know how anxiety doesnt feel good. And I learned that we have to fix our issues first be happy for ourselves. Even tho its so damn hard to let them go. But if it was meant it will be meant! And I bet if your ex sees you doing good he will want to come back. Thats the way I see it! If he doesnt its his lost! But you will feel good about yourself. You have a friend here! And I know we can support one another because I know how it feels. Plus what you must be going through! Its a pain that is so hard to explain because only you know your true feelings towards your ex. Like I feel mine! But we can beat our anxiety so it doesnt take over our life! Because only we can end it! 💛 Im glad you feel better! You can always lean on me!
@AyeAna
Thank you :)I feel like I can relate to you, if you ever want to talk more is there any social media that you still use? I don't know how this app works in terms of messaging someone haha.
@Sarunary
i have no idea how I tried to send you a private message but I guess it doesnt allow me too. I got off medias. Maybe we can email each other? I have my YouTube channel? Im pretty active on there too. I think it has a chat option on there.
@AyeAna
We can message each other through email, not sure how to do it on YouTube haha. My email is mendezadanary3@gmail.com. message me whener :)
@Sarunary done, My name is Oscar Rodriguez and today was the last time I felt the need of begging my ex. While I was anxious she was alright with her friends playing games. When I let her know through a friend that I was deleting all my accounts she didn't care,she told her friend I was acting dumb. She also started hanging (online) with people I asked her not to because they hurt me in the past. In short, sometimes they need to do something really painful besides the breakup so you can finally move on. After this I feel like I'm gonna come back to social media stronger and not giving a damn about her. Well that's that. Write me any doubts of dealing with this, I am happy to hear you in detail.
