Breakup & Divorce Community - How do you actually feel today?

~~It?s been almost 3 months, and I?m still in limbo. My role as a full time working, single mother is the only reason I rise every day. Today I yearn for you, today is a bad day. The sudden bouts of inconsolable crying sneaks up on me every day. I wonder how you are, where you are, if you also experience my long lasting waking hours at night, the unchangeable despair my face reveals to the world daily, the songs, sights, moments, that bring me back to you constantlyNot a day goes by where my heart doesn?t find you, I even keep an eye out for your car. My heart is buried in the ground, and my zombie sway reminds me every day how much this break up has affected me. 7 years?.gone?.everything?. 24 years my senior, never lived together, won?t get married?and I?m still willing to do anything to have you back?come back to me please?.This torture has left me with no sense of excitement, no smiles never mind laughter, no lust for life. I scurry around between hundreds of people every day but I don?t even see or have a connection with anything anymore?.I?m literally just between the noise of life. My demands of more attention, affection, all in all insecurity, is what drove you away?..so many times?.but it was because I wanted you to adore me the same way I do you?.I know now, that all my expectations would affect any relationship to pewter out, lesson learnt?.but it?s too late?the language of love has left you?.I don?t know what to do, think or feel anymore as those in itself is too much to bear. Will we find each other again one day? (even though you said ?never in my books again?). Will a day present itself where you would approach me with the same feelings as I have for you again? Never has a break up levelled me like this. I won?t take my life (that would make it too easy on us survivors, seeing as 3 of my family members have already done it), but the thoughts are very persistent?..

During these holidays I broke up with my boyfriend (first boyfriend ever) because I wasn't feeling anything. He seemed okay with it and I think he is trying to get back with an ex of his. I'm okay with it, I was freaking out that he would spread rumors about me and he still could. I feel REALLY guilty about him kissing me, I don't know why but it feels wrong and its bugging me.

I'm feeling really crap my g/f's mom forced her to break up with me. I know its not what she wants but she is too scared to argue with her mom i guess. We are both in our mid 20's and have been dating for 7 years. When I try and talk to her she keeps saying "I dont want to see you" I know she's scared because if she sees me we will make up within 5 minutes

My G/f broke up with me on the 31st Dec and I tried doing No contact and so far she contacts me twice every week and says weird stuff..like she can still remember my mobile phone number and stuff. When I say to her lets try again and she just says "we cant" I know she still loves me and wants to be with me :(

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I was married to a SERIAL CHEATER... Maybe it was may fault, for loving someone like him. We have exactly opposite personalities. I am home-buddy, he is happy-go-lucky. I am silent type, he is loud. For 13 years of our marriage, we are still dependent with his parents. I was employed in the government service and he is involved in politics. He has been IN and OUT of illicit affairs. He was always with friends drinking alcohol and night outs. The pattern must be break. Whenever I discovered something. He courted me, be good and sweet, until I trusted him again. I will be hoping for a better life for us. Then it goes again and again. But the later months, he was involved with illegal cases. Until that night, he was drunk and out of his mind, he was holding a knife and very angry with me. He threaten to kill me. The kids were there, i thought they were already asleep. They heard everything... That's the time I made up mind, I need to do something. I have given up my Profession as engineer and was contented to live a simple living from an Island. But that simple living is getting more complicated. So, there no use for being MARTYR... I need to wake up and be on right track again. The kids are growing and seeing that kind of fighting might cause trauma and will not do any good. Plus the kids expenses are also getting bigger. His parents are providing whatever his shortcomings. But that is not the right solution, they will not be with us forever. Very timely I got an offer abroad, i grabbed the opportunity thinking i can give a better life for my kids and still hoping a brighter future for my family. And as the usual, we were in good terms again. But a cheater will always be a cheater until the day he dies. We already lost respect for each other. I always received wrong sent messages from him. And there was one time, his mistress answered my call. Maybe he done that intentionally. I cursed him to death. Those times I was not able to report at office, its a matter of life and death. There has been a BATTLE between ANGELS and DEVILS inside my head. The communication was cut . Nothing good will happen to me to keep going in this relationship. I broke up with him. He did not talk to me. My three children are with my parents and the youngest is with my in-laws. I am the one supporting them... For now, I am trying to overcome the hatred. I thought I'm OK but I am NOT... sometimes this feeling will come, I am awake at dawn. I will be thinking of him. But just thinking all the things I've gone through... I am better off to be a widow.

I'm tired and anxious.

My husband of ten years dragged us all into "family therapy" last summer, and it has morphed into "couples therapy". Over the last month, he's said he's so unhappy that he's seriously considering a divorce. Our counselor admitted that she's confused about the course of our therapy, because it's been "all over the place", and yet it seemed to boil down to that one topic.

He's complained about my "lack of focus", my "unreliability", my time spent on the computer (ignoring his own and his tv time), my playing video games, and not keeping the house as clean as he'd like. I feel like I've been trying to work down a list, checking things off.

It'll almost seem normal during the week, then it all comes back up in therapy. I already suffered from generalized anxiety and depression, just recently was diagnosed with inattentive ADD. I'm on enough meds to sedate a horse. Now, all this is dredging up the divorce from my first husband, and I'm feeling very broken and useless.

I have three kids, two of which are just barely adults, the other is in middle school. The youngest doesn't know yet.

I tried to sit and crochet tonight - something that normally calms me - and only found myself getting more and more anxious, thinking about what-ifs and I-shoulds.

He seems undecided, and is talking about separation now. His sisters - whom I thought liked me - are advising we split. My friends are also advising we split.

I'm a stay-at-home mom. I didn't have anything after the last divorce. i don't have much more now, it doesn't seem. I'm a freelance web designer whose gigs have been few and far between - mostly because I sabotage myself. I have no income, and can't pay a lawyer.

Today I feel old and ugly and worthless.

right now im just plain confused

I feel confused. unsure how to proceed or even if it's over.

A week ago, I was texting her - we live a couple of hours apart and usually meet up a couple times a week. I try to compensate that by communicating through phone and other media. That time we were planing a weekend at my parent's place, to celebrate my birthday with my family. There was an issue, as when I was with her on her birthday (a week earlier), I accidently overheard her parents talking that they are having financial problems. Her parents financial problems meant that by extent she wouldn't be able to come visit me, so I suggested to spend an afternoon during the wednesday or thursday before. She also seemed really unsure about the weekend anyway, so I thought it would be best for both of us. I didn't mention the conversation I overheard - didn't want to hurt her feelings.

We met up on thursday, spent a great day together and the question about next weekend came up. She admitted she couldn't go, but suggested we spend weekend after that. I agreed and we were really happy. I started planning our activities, which included going sightseeing, visiting historical places - she really likes that, as well as just spending nice and evenings watching movies while drinking hot cocoa - just cozy and fun weekend. She was really happy, but after a few days she suddenly asked me if I REALLY want her to come. Confused, I asked "why are you saying that?" and she mentioned the fact i was initially suggesting on not spending the week together. After initially skirting around the issue, I decided to admit what I heard her parents talking and that I didn't want to hurt her by that.
And after that all went downhill. She started accusing me of hiding things from her, which, in this case, was true. But then she started telling me how I hurt her by reminding that her family is poor. Then she started saying she doesn't know if she loves me anymore. Stressed, I seemd to talked her down a bit later that evening. She went to sleep seemingly cooled off, yet there was still that air of uneasines around her.

Next day I chatted her up, hoping to arrange a meeting and solve the issue. However, she seemed reluctant to do that. Texts soon turned to wild accusations - that I only love her for her achievements in university, that I am unwilling to move forward in our relationship (even though I already had an engagement ring prepared), that I only want her for sex (while we were intimate with each other, we hadn't had sex, as she believes in saving herself for marriage and I honored her beliefs - sex isn't as important to me too, though I don't dismiss it completely). After that she started repeating she never felt happy with me, as she always doubted and never completely trusted me. I was desperately trying to find out what I did or said wrong, but it was all in vain - she never said anything about that. Just how unhappy she feels in the relationship. And the thing is, this was completely unexpected. I withdrew for any contact with anyone for five days. I started talking with my friends and family about this later. they said "don't worry, she should be calmer now, you'll talk and work it out".

And then BAM, she messages my mother on facebook, asking to be removed from her friends, expressing doubts that I ever loved her, saying we probably both always felt miserable and saying we were broken up, even though neither she, nor I never said "we are breaking up" to one another. That was weird, because usually when we had our first big fights last November, she would kick me and my family members from her FB friends list, only to sent invitations to them after we made up. That happened a couple of times and my sister eventually refused the invitation, as she felt like my girlfriend was acting childish and immature - which I agree. But my mother relented and now was being asked to do what my GF has shown being capable of before. When mother told me about this, I got angry and wrote her a message, saying she should discuss our relationships with me directly, and not involve my parents in this. The next morning, my and my family have been kicked out and she refused to communicate ever since.

And that's just it. No "goodbye", no "it's over", not even "we have to talk".

My parents divorced last year and it's still extremely difficult. It's s healthier and happier situation now but it's still hard to adjust. I feel like my dad is no longer a part of my life. He suffers from alcoholism which was a large contributing factor in the divorce. I feel like my whole life, he has chosen alcohol over me. Now he is all alone and I'm concerned about his health and safety but there's nothing I can do to change who he is. It's very upsetting for me.

what are the best ways to cope with a break up

ive been dating the same boy for the past 3 and a half years we've been doing long distance in college but really we were less than 3 hours away from each other and last night i ended things because he has changed too much and we were no longer healthy for each other but i dont know what to do to stop thinking about him or how to distract myself so i dont reach out to him and i just need to stop feeling so sad and sorry for myself and just fall in love with life and be independent but i havent been this alone in almost 4 years, how do i get past this