Breakup advice needed please!
Ill try to be as brief as possible. My girlfriend of 4 years and I recently broke up 3 weeks ago, and needless to say, Im pretty heartbroken. We had a rough couple of months - i was looking for a job and wasnt finding success and she was starting her last semester of college.
Around the time I was looking for a job, I was diagnosed with cancer (this is my second time through the cancer ringer) but I decided to keep the diagnosis to myself, bc a) i was stressed enough and b) didnt want to add another layer of stress on my already seemingly stressed out gf. Things started to get even more tense with us, and she started to pull away from me (we are about 2 hours apart) which caused me to get even more needy. At the end of October she called me up and told me she needed space and a chance to miss me, and over the next 10
days, started to systematically remove me from her social media. I kind of went a little nuts and texted her friends and this all culminated in her breaking up with me citing that I stopped being the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She and I havent spoken in 3 weeks.
Last week, I also found out that Ive been having recurring TIAs or ministries over the the last 6 months, which affected my right frontal lobe and could account for my irrational behavior.
my question is - how do I rectify this? Shes the love of my life and I feel like I need to explain everything to her. Last week a mutual friend told her I had cancer and she responded with anger against me more than compassion. She seems determined to vilify me every chance that she gets. How do I give her space but also let her know that the me she was with the last few months wasnt me—it was all these health issues that are plaguing me?
@jill1022
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well, there's a few things I would like to point out;
Ill try to be as brief as possible. My girlfriend of 4 years and I recently broke up 3 weeks ago, and needless to say, Im pretty heartbroken. We had a rough couple of months - i was looking for a job and wasnt finding success and she was starting her last semester of college. (It sounds like things started to get very stressful between the two of you).
Around the time I was looking for a job, I was diagnosed with cancer (this is my second time through the cancer ringer) but I decided to keep the diagnosis to myself, bc a) i was stressed enough and b) didnt want to add another layer of stress on my already seemingly stressed out gf. (I can tell you really care about her, its difficult being able to keep this inside without sharing it with someone else). Things started to get even more tense with us, and she started to pull away from me (we are about 2 hours apart) which caused me to get even more needy. (In here your anxiety started to rise because you felt like you were losing her, so it made you do and say things to pull her closer to you). At the end of October she called me up and told me she needed space and a chance to miss me, and over the next 10days, started to systematically remove me from her social media. (It's incredible painful and hurtful know a person you love is removing you from social media. When someone asks for space it means they are feeling smothered. I don't know if you kept messaging or contact her after this, but if you did it probably make her feel trapped so then she started blocking you from social media. If you didn't contact her during this time then it wasn't a mature thing of her to do.)
I kind of went a little nuts and texted her friends and this all culminated in her breaking up with me citing that I stopped being the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. (I believe you felt anxious and hurt so you started reaching out to her friends. She probably meant that you stopped being the guy from before, it must had been tough hearing those words from her or them). She and I havent spoken in 3 weeks. Last week, I also found out that Ive been having recurring TIAs or ministries over the the last 6 months, which affected my right frontal lobe and could account for my irrational behavior.
my question is - how do I rectify this? Shes the love of my life and I feel like I need to explain everything to her. (It's not a good idea to attempt contacting a person who started blocking you. Contacting her in any way will make her feel angry, mad, trapped so you have to show empathy for what she wants as well). Last week a mutual friend told her I had cancer and she responded with anger against me more than compassion. (She needs time and space to forget the negative memories). She seems determined to vilify me every chance that she gets. (This communicates she is not emotionally mature). How do I give her space but also let her know that the me she was with the last few months wasnt me—it was all these health issues that are plaguing me? (By not contacting her first again, you must respect the boundaries she has put in place, remember you got to show empathy for what she wants which being away from you, its important to give time and space for her to come to you if she still has feelings for you)
@freshLight64
i didnt reach out to her when she asked for space, just her friends. When I mean removed me from social media, I meant that she started taking down pictures of the two of us. I think she did feel smothered and I think hearing that Im sick from a friend probably has her feeling angry and overwhelmed.
I want her to know that my erratic and irrational behavior the months leading up to our demise was from the strokes, not from me. I am giving her space now. Not contacting her. Just doing my own thing. But I can tell shes hurt and angry bc her words have been so harsh. I want to reach out in 2-3 weeks. But Idk whats the best way. To just apologize for my actions, to just tell her I am sick. If we put ourselves in her shoes, how must she be feeling?
@jill1022
But I can tell shes hurt and angry bc her words have been so harsh. I want to reach out in 2-3 weeks. But Idk whats the best way. To just apologize for my actions, to just tell her I am sick. If we put ourselves in her shoes, how must she be feeling? (If you mean her words have been harsh towards you, then it's important to take care of yourself, put yourself first, and not put yourself on a position where she is going to be hurtful and harsh towards you that communicates value and self respect to her. She has been wanting to stay away from you, you got to respect that by not reaching out to her under any circumstances until she contacts you first. The sickness could have affected things, but it was the anxiety being the real cause. Throughout this process it's important to put yourself first, you are going through cancer and something else, so dealing with this should be first priority, not a woman who have been pulling away)