Breakup help

my ex girlfriend broke things off a couple of months ago and I accepted the decision with dignity. I told her it’s not what I wanted but I respect her choice. I have been following a lot of advice of a well respected breakup coach and been having coaching sessions and everything he has suggested and told me would happen has pretty much happened.

anyway, the first few weeks post breakup she would continue to reach out with what’s knows as indirect/direct approaches which come across as random messages with not much context. I have been advised to respond to these casually and politely and not to try and get a conversation going. I did this and on the last reach out during these first few weeks I told her I’d been really busy and she instantly wanted to know what I’d been up to, curious. On the advice of my coach I didn’t tell her and didn’t respond to her request.

after that a while passed, 5 weeks, in which I doubted she’d reach out again. My coach assured me I answered (or didn’t answer) that last message correctly and that I should remain patient. Well he was correct because 5 weeks from the last time she randomly called me a week ago on a Sunday evening. I didn’t answer at first and then just messaged her saying I’d missed her call and hope she’s doing well. She instantly asked if I fancied a catch-up and I said I’d be open to that and when is she free. She was free right then and rang me before I could even answer. Her friend was in the background and I was quite reluctant to meet, trying to arrange another day. I overheard her friend in the background telling my ex that I might be worried about seeing her. Upon hearing this I knew I couldnt allow my ex to think I was worried so a few minutes later I agreed to go for a drink with them.

I made sure I was dressed my best and smelling my best and went out to her car with nothing but a positive frame of mind. Once we got to the bar she didn’t follow her friend to where she was meeting a few people and instead wanted to sit down with me alone at the table. I think now, the reason her friend was there to start with was because she was worried I may be awkward, angry etc as this is the first time we’ve seen each other since the breakup. During this time she bought me a drink and we were chatting g pretty casually, general small talk etc.

after a while her friend came and joined us for a bit and it was about this time I came to the conclusion that my ex has been or is involved with somebody else in some form of rebound. Inside it killed me but I pushed that anxiety away and didn’t show that it affected me in any way. After a while my ex began to gravitate closer to me and started to put her foot on mine under the table and we began playfully teasing and flirting with each other at the table. Her friend could see this when she looked up and commented, also saying how good we are for each other kind of thing. My ex was dressed in an outfit that I once told her I really liked from past photos she sent me so I’m not sure if that is also a good sign.

anyway, her friend decided to carry on to extend the evening with her friends and go clubbing. My ex declined this offer and instead wanted to drop me back home alone (she could easily have asked her friend to jump in the car too but didn’t) as I had to be up for work at 4am the following morning.

on the way back to mine we were consistently being playful, laughing, joking, playful flirting and general teasing each other. She tried to pretend she could barely remember where I lived (despite driving to mine countless times when we were together and to come pick me up this day too). She has an avoidant attachment style I might add so she doesn’t open up easily or like to admit any of her feelings and will instead try and pretend she doesn’t care.

anyway, once we pulled up at mine this was where I was thinking ti myself “let’s see if she quickly wants to get going or if she decides to pull up and stay talking in the car for longer than need be”. She pulls up and starts to get comfortable rather than wanting to rush off. I invited her up to mine to which she said no (probably a good thing as potentially sleeping together at this point wouldn’t be a good thing) and we continued to chat, flirt, laugh etc.

she began to put on old songs from her playlist that she used to always put on when we were together, teasing me about how much I liked them really (I used to pretend I didn’t like them). She also told me some things about her family, how her job was going and how her uni was too. She mentioned she knew I was really enjoying my new job role as a mutual friend that works with me had told her. I havent spoken to this mutual friend about me or my ex at all since the breakup so my ex has obviously been curious and asking about me.

she bought up a couple of times from the last in a casual way and tried to prove me and ask if I’d missed her at work (she left our workplace before we split, which is where we met). I played it off playfully and said I’d barely noticed. She wanted me to admit I’d missed her which I wasn’t going to do. She also shown a bit of jealousy when I mentioned another girls name at work (nothing is going on with this girl but she used to be a bit jealous of her for no reason of mine when we were towards the end of our relationship) but tried to play it off playfully and tried to question me about something related to this in which I can’t remember what it was.

things started ti get physically playful and she started showing me a crack in one of her nails, wanted me to grab her hand and feel for it. I started playfully grabbing her hand and leant over to grab her fat hand and we kissed. It felt so natural and we kissed for a good minute and she didn’t pull away or try and stop me. I pulled away slightly and she leaned closer again so we kissed again, I invited her again to which she said no (again, a good thing as it needs to be a slow process) and after another couple of minutes of kissing and me pushing her hair to one side while caressi g her face (again, she was extremely receptive to this) I left her car on a positive note and left it there.

the next morning she messaged me asking if I’d got ti work okay as I had to be at work for 5am. I never messaged her back until later in the day and kept it quite casual. I know I can’t chase her or try and ask her back as that will just push her away and show that I’m too keen.

I spoke to my coach following this and he says it’s all positive and that my ex would have gotten an ego boost from this so I need to be a bit less available next time she reaches out so as she still feels she has to earn me back rather than me just sitting here waiting for her. He said there will likely be another period of silence before she reaches out again as she has had a boost of dopamine from our interaction, and he also said if she is flirting with me and wanting to see me while she’s involved with somebody else then it’s nothing serious as she wouldnt do that else. It felt so natural and effortless when we were together for this time and it almost felt like we weren’t even split up.

does this all sound like a positive step in the direction of us rekindling m? I’m not expecting it to happen overnight but the period of silence again is what makes me feel a bit of anxiety. Will this time together have her really reflecting and wondering about me and her being back together? If she’s seeking me out still then I can only assume she doesn’t have a connection with this guy like she does with me. I’m different to guys she has been with in the past. Can her rebounding with this guy actually be a positive for me in terms of her realising she misses what she had with me?

from the day of the breakup I’ve had this gut feeling that she wasn’t fully committed to it ending. If she does decide she wants me back I will definitely take her back with reserve and not rush anything.