Break up or not? I am a horrible person.
~I apologize right now for the long story, but there are alot of moving parts to this. Please comment any advice. Thanks!~
My current fiance and I have been dating for about 2 years. We began dating when I broke up with my ex. My ex and I dated for about 3 years (on and off). I moved 3 hours away and I felt like my ex did not support me enough. So I broke up with him and I began dating my current fiance. My fiance and I have been through alot. I love him with all my heart and I was excited for our future together. But my ex was still on my mind (not anymore). So I began texting my ex. I knew this would upset my fiance, but my ex was my best friend for 3 years. A realtionship like that is very hard to just let go. Like I figured, my fiance got really mad every time I would text my ex. (Yes, I know I am a horrible person. Just typing this hurts my stomach and heart. ) Now, 2 years later and many obstacles overcome, he feels exhausted. He isnt eating or sleeping. He says he loves me, and I love him. I dont talk to my ex anymore. At all. I cut off everyone who knew my ex. All I have left is my fiance. I'm scared of us breaking up because I love him so much. But I don't want to be the person who holds him back or hurts him anymore. I just don't know how I would move on from my soulmate. Please help. I'm struggling not to cry at work. Should we get counseling? Should I let him go? Should we keep trying? Please help.
@annabelle14
Look at what is making him exhausted. Is it your relationship? Covid? Personal issues or an outside source? It sounds like he isn't trying to distance himself on purpose, but he does need your support. You could try counseling or just a deep conversation.
@JustAHuman00 he says that our relationship is harming him. He can't trust me. He is always anxious that I will contact my ex again.
@annabelle14
Do you feel like the relationship is toxic?
@JustAHuman00 no. I love him and he loves me. I just messed it up by breaking his trust time and time again. I wish I could take it all back. Now he is always anxious. He doesn't eat or sleep.
@annabelle14
I'm really, really sorry. If he feels like he can't trust you, I'd reccomend counseling. If you still WANT to be in the relationship, even just suggesting counseling might affirm loyalty. Show him that you want to make things better.
If you don't that is toatally ok too, you have that right. You can tell him that you no longer think the relationship is for you. Really think about your future. You are engaged, so ponder is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you ever see yourself wanting a divorce or feeling trapped?
I hope this helps, and I'm always open to talk if you need it
@JustAHuman00 if possible, I would like to talk to you more about the issue
@annabelle14
Go for it, I check into 7 Cups often so whatever you are feeling, put it out here. Remember 7 Cups is completely anonymous. I'll give you the best advice I can
@JustAHuman00 I'm sorry, I can't seem to send you a message. I really would like to keep talking. There is a lot more to unpack in my situation
@annabelle14
Yeah, it looks like members can't dm other members. I'm considering making a listeners account, so I will get back to you if I do. If you have any more details that you want to share publicly, go for it. In the mean time I will get back to you later.
@annabelle14.
If I may interject. I noted quite a few different items you should look at, one at a time.
My first thought is that you stated you cut off contact with the ex and all those associated with the ex. That sounds like you are leaving everything from your past. Are you ok with that? In the future are you going to regret severing those ties to friends? Are you going to resent your current because of that loss or change? You need to be healthy and happy or any relationship will suffer.
Couples groups can not only be helpful in learning about relationships but a lot of fun and a good place to meet friends.
