Broken up.

@TheChippedCup

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My bf of 9 and 1/2 years broke up with me a week ago and I feel like I'm going deeper and deeper in to this emotional maze.

He broke up with me because he was seeing someone else and is in love with them (This tells me that he doesn't have much intengrity, was fearful of the future and decided to see someone else behind your back while being with you) and he couldn't stay happy with me becuase he felt like I was taking advantage of him (I wonder why he would feel this way, he could have imagined it) and I never communicated my problems with him. (He felt rejected and hurt when you didn't communicate your problems with him, but this has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him and how he misinterpreted things when you didn't want to share your problems with him)

He started going out with this other women becuase he was feeling lonely (Excuses...look at how he is minimizing the situation by saying "I was feeling lonely", in other words "I was feeling so lonely, that I searched for someone. Oh well, What a guy supposed to do?". He should have communicate this to you the minute he started seeing this other person, and how he felt during the relationship) because all of our friends live far away and I started a job where I worked every weekend and then most days. (I could see if he felt neglected, but again communication is very important here, he should have breakup with you first, then see other people. The way he handled everything sounds sneaky and behind your back). Thier friendship turned in to a relationship and he told me in December that he loved her and that he wanted to work out a way where we were both his girlfriends (This guy is unbelieable...so he saw someone behind your back, and now he wants you and the other girl as his girlfriend...? This is like getting the best of both world...He wants the other girl, but he also wants you...That's mess up) and we could be friends (me and her) and it would be all sunshine and rainbows. (Sunshine and rainbows for him, not for you. This solution works perfectly for him because he is mostly thinking about himself, without think about the other two people) I tried to be friends with her I really did. Through jealousy and countless tearful conversations I tried my hardest to like her and be ok with the situation becuase I loved him. (You love him yes, but you went along with this situation even though it was not making you happy)This culminated in us going on a couple of days out and she was alright I guess but there was still that background level of paranoia and jealousy.

My other problem is yes I have trouble communicating my problems face to face to people. My family isn't big on the whole sharing thing and some people in my family are part of the problem. (It's understandable you trouble communicating things you were going through, it involves fear and anxierty, and you you grew up with people that communication wasn't there so you won't be able to learn how to communicate effectivetly from them) I also don't like telling people my problems because they seem inconsequential sometimes and I don't want to be a burden. (The "I don't want to be a burden" its something you internalized when your familiy didn't make you feel heard and understood, so it carried to your friendships/ relationships) As you can see I am trying and I was trying with my ex, (You definetly did tried with all you had, it just wasn't easy because of how your family made you feel when you tried to communicate with them). I would tell him when things were wrong (You see? you did make an effort to communicate) but sometimes he wouldn't believe that I was just tired becuase I had a trying day at work. (It wouldn't surprise me if his insecurities take over such as "You are always tired", "You don't want to see me or spend time with me" or something else. He made it about himself when he came tired from work)

My current situation is that I live with him in his parents house. (This would definetly make you feel a lot of emotions and feelings). I now live in the spare room. I don't have enough money to move out as I don't get paid much and rent prices suck where I live. (It's understandable, sometimes rent can be so expensive and the bills, so I could see why you stayed at this place) He is still caring and nice and is helping me get on my feet again. I don't want to move back to my parents house because that would take me from a job I love and friends that I adore and take me to a place that I feel trapped and I know is a dead end. (It sounds like you do want to leave because of how things went down with your ex, but then you also think about expensive it'll be, and then you don't want to return to your family because it would mean losing a lot of things. It's understandable you feel trapped)

I'm sorry this is a long post but I am not used to condensing my thoughts down because I am so unused to sharing the mess in my head. (It's okay no worries. I prefer long post since it includes a lot of detail in them. I'm glad you were able to shae it)

I'm stressed and depressed and I would really like to know what the heck is going on. (I'm starting to think that you feel worn out, exhausted and overwhelm with how things has been going on. You tend to keep things inside for long periods of times, however it tends to build up and then it makes things worst. You are on a tough position of wanting between leaving or staying, however you feel either choice will cause tons of hurt and pain, so it makes you feel frozen and trapped without making a decision)