Broke up with him out of impulse, regretting it big time
Hi everyone,
I apologize if someone's already brought this up.
I broke up with my now-ex boyfriend (We were together for almost 5 months) during an argument out of frustration and my own self induced rage. This happened about April 2nd. He finally responded to me today, the 6th.
Our relationship wasn't the healthiest per say, Id consider it somewhat toxic. However I know that the decision I made may be better for me mentally in the long run because I wasn't necessarily the happiest. It seemed like all of the problems somehow landed on me and only me when it came to our arguments, and I'd accept the blame unwillingly.
But still, I miss him a lot. I had an ugly habit of acting out of character during our arguments and I guess this one pushed him over the edge.
It took me awhile to respond to said argument mostly because I was avoiding the confrontation and was scared to mess up. (nice excuse!)
When I finally did it had been some days later.. I still regret what I did and I've also tried apologizing to him.
I've sent him an entire "letter" (?) over text and was met with a cold, shallow reply. He replied with how this was MY doing, he ultimately had no control over what I did, and how he'd be shipping my items from his apartment to my house.. He also made it very clear that he didn't want me to show up uninvited at his family's home (where he's been for the past couple of weeks) or his apartment. I had no plans on showing up however. He also let me know he doesn't want anything he gave me back at all.
Should I keep trying to speak to him? I really, really, REALLY regret what I did and how I acted, but nothing I've done has come through to him. I was also planning on sending his stuff back regardless because it would hurt to keep.
Any advice or supportive words would be much appreciated. I'm absolutely crushed. 
Hey Liliac, I’m so sorry he’s being cold with you after you impulsively broke up with him. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is forgiving is such a vital thing in relationships, and if he was the one for you, he’d be willing to talk to you and forgive you for what happened. I know the pain is still so fresh and I’m with you on this, I do think talking to him and reaching out is something I would have done too, but sometimes, peoples reactions tell you more about them than anything else. I don’t see a harm in reaching out again, but I want you to mentally take note in how he’s been responding to you, would you want to date someone like that?
@honestyAndHelpful99
Hi Honesty,
I appreciate your kind and warm words. Youre right.. I was very tempted to try once more but I think his actions have made it very clear he doesn't want anything to do with me. I apologized multiple times for how I was acting and really poured my heart out to him but I just guess this was the straw that broke the camels back.. He wasn't always like this of course, so a part of me thinks that it's my fault but.. I know it's not like that at all. I'm just afraid if I do reach out again it'll just result in no response again or I'll have my number blocked. :/
It's very unfortunate that things ended the way they did. The end of a relationship can hit really hard and it takes time to work through it all. I think the best thing you could do is respect his space and allow him to also work through his feelings from the breakup. It's great that you apologised to him and hopefully it something he will genuinely accept over time. If he said he doesn't want his things back and you also don't want to keep it, then best to throw the things out, have a friend keep them for you or donate them. It's best to respect that at this time, he doesn't want any contact. Take this time to process things and work through your feelings. Relationships ending are very challenging but it's important to shift your perspective and see it as an experience to learn from for future relationship. For example, if getting severely angry or raging during a discussion then it could be something you can work on. Healthier and effective ways to communicate are important to learn because communication is key in all types of relationships. Keep your head up, keep calm, take some to for yourself to reflect and talk and spend time with friends or family you feel comfortable sharing with. All the best!
@ACaringSoul17
Thank you so much! I agree that anger management is a really big and important thing to do. However a lot of our arguments were abusive and we would constantly fuel each others fires, which led to such bad outcomes. :/
I really would like to just talk to him in person or over the phone but he's made it obvious that he doesn't want to get back together or speak to me again.. so I'll try my best to give him his space. I appreciate your words
Thanks for responding. Yes, I totally understand that the communication in the relationship was unhealthy and struggles with controlling emotions caused a lot of heated arguments. I hope that he is also able to work on more effective and respectful ways to communicate. I think if both of you work on that, you will be able to have healthier relationships with future partners. Breakups aren't easy and it does take time to adjust to that person not being a part of our life anymore. But take it day by day, working on you, and focus on things and people that make you happy. There will be good days and bad days, okay days and slowly you will work through it all. I always try to see things as an experience and a learning lesson, as I find it's a healthier way to overcome a situation where things end or don't go as planned/expected. Wishing you the best as you heal from the breakup.
@ACaringSoul17
Thank you so much, I appreciate your advice ♥
Maybe he will be more willing to speak with you in 2 or 3 weeks when the anger has died down. Right now, he is angry and defensive. He wants to push you out of his life as far away as possible. I agree that there is little possibility to have a long-term relationship with someone who always blame others for their shortcomings. Be strong! Good luck!
@carambole
Thank you so much Cara! I'll see if it's possbile... I've told my family about the abuse and manipulation he's put me through so I'm starting to slowly rethink my actions... But despite it all I still feel like being with him. Funny how the brain works. I appreciate your time. ♥