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Confused post breakup

User Profile: henry87
henry87 December 24th, 2019

I posted this in the wrong section. Reposting here.

Confused post-breakup

My girlfriend of roughly six months (this time) broke up with me about a week ago. This is our second breakup, the first was after about a two month, more casual endeavor and lasted roughly three months, during which time I contacted her often and pretty much made a fool of myself, and decreased my value as a partner. Here's the backstory up through where I currently am. For about a month to a month and a half, our relationship slowly fizzled out. I was too available, too attentive, needy I guess, and that caused her to lose attraction for me. Last Monday, I asked to speak with her after being ignored for a few days. I told her that I was tired of being ignored, ghosted, flaked on, and not shown the respect I felt I deserved. I gave her the option of addressing the issues or just ending the relationship. She became very upset, crying and apologizing for treating me the way she did. She chose to end the relationship, to which I accepted her decision, told her I loved her and her daughter (five y.o., with whom I had a great relationship) and said if she changed her mind to send me a good morning message the following day. I immediately went into no contact. She messaged me Tuesday morning and asked if she could have the week to think about what I had said. I agreed, and replied that if I didn't hear from her by Sunday, I would know her answer. Fast forward to yesterday: I did not expect her to contact me, I knew she truly sees no other way to handle this. She messaged me late last night and told me "I know you wanted to not hear from me, but I don't feel right doing that. I'm going to leave something for you on your porch tuesday." To which I replied "no worries, I'll keep my eyes peeled for an item on my porch. Take care!" She replied "you too." And that was the end of it. I am thirty two years old, I have had my share of bs relationships, and this wasn't one of them. I really do love this woman and her daughter, we both had great feelings of attraction for eachother at one point. I know I caused this by chasing too much, by not making myself valuable, but is there any way for me to re-attract her? I am going to give her the space that she obviously wants and needs, I am not going to contact her. I will not ignore her if she reaches out, but I am aware that it has to be her decision to do so. I guess I want to know the opinions of others on whether or not no contact works, and if it is the right thing to do in this situation.

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User Profile: 7motivation
7motivation September 12th, 2020

@henry87

Things take time for people to process mentally and emotionally.

This resource explains and also provides ideas that work for some people.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201605/the-best-way-move-after-breakup

User Profile: kindLemon2749
kindLemon2749 October 30th, 2020

@henry87

i feel like, i am going to the same side but by being on your ex side.

my boyfriends broke up and i went no contact,but he used to reach out to me and everytime see he is text that use to remind me how bad i am hurt, even though on the other side i was happy to know he still care about me but i didnt the feeling because of our conversation wasnt great as i wanted to be, i am still doing the no contact and seen the last time i saw him to a party he went no contact as well, not even liking my post on social media. so i will advice you to give her sometime to process and sometime to yourself as well. as you said it wasnt the best relationship during no contact you might find out if you really want her back or not, same for her as well. the no contact will help you both to really know if you want each others back. for sure isnt going to be easy because of even myself i still struggling with my feelings sometime i am like am over him and sometime am b like Gosh i miss him so bad and i want him back.

even though i am still confuse but still didnt contact him. so to conclude that i would like to advice you just to keep the no contact until you start feel better and can talk to her without any anger or other mixed feeling.

its hard to do the no contact but it helps.come on!!!