Dealing with divorce

@MikeRavo

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Hi everyone. First of all I apologise if this is in the wrong place.

I am currently going through a divorce which is entirely my own doing. After 2 years of a completely sexless marriage and arguing almost every day (This tells me there was no safety or connection in the marriage, and you two were constantly triggering each other. A woman needs to feel loved, comfortable, safe, heard and understood, if she doesn't then she will shut down and will become less interested in intimacy. I suspect they were probably a lot of times she tried to express herself, but you probably got defensive or vice-versa and then it lead to arguments) I went on the internet searching for peoole with whom I could commit adultery. (You were afraid to end the marriage, so you decided to find someone who will met your needs. This is not communicating properly, but rather being deceptive) It all blew up in my face, my wife was told about it by the other woman and now here we are.

The problem is this. I am in a relationship with someone now and am happy, I recently found out she is in a relationship too and it is absolutely killing me. (If you were actually happy with your current relationship then it wouldn't have bother you if the other one entered a relationship) Whenever I am alone all I want to do is get in touch with her and try to reconcile, (In here you are looking to soothe your loneliness and anxiety by wanting to reach out to her and reconcicle, however it won't be a genuine one because its coming from a place of feeling alone) only because I dont want her to be with anybody else. (This is a selfish mindset, you are on a relationship, so she is allowed to be with someone else. Would you like it if your current partner would have the kind of thoughts you are having now?)

I understand how hypocritical it is and that it is all my own fault but what can I do about this feeling? (It's a bad idea to act upon them, she would become an object to soothe your loneliness and you would be behaving in a selfish way)

Divorce is definitely the right course of action, as I said, absolutely no sex, arguments every day almost without fail. (This tells me you two were never able to find resolution during each argument, which then lead to resentments and then killing the safety in the marriage. Every negative emotions caused by the arguments lead to more negative emotions in the next arguments because things were never resolved or talked about) A happily married man would not go actively searching for an affair would he? (True, but if you were unhappy with the marriage and your needs being met then it would have been best to talk about it openly without going behind her back to find an affair)

Any help would be appreciated. Feel free to judge too, I know Ive done a horrible thing. (It's important to learn what went wrong in your previous marriage so those same mistakes won't be repeated. I could tell that you look for someone else when you are feeling lonely, instead of working on a resolution and learning how to be okay when feeling of loneliness come by. Trying to reconcile or get in touch out of loneliness would mean using her for your own benefits and not think about her happiness, but rather your own.)

@MikeRavo

Have you tought about guilt? Maybe you feel guilty about the divorce and is why you can't bear thinking of her with someone else? Because you never found a solution "in time"?

Either way realise you shouldn't have a saying on this. If she's happy she deserves to move on, just like you do.

I hope you find some inner peace and are able to move on. Best of luck.