Did he really cheat?

@VirgoGurami

I just wanted to add that he has paranoia, self-esteem issues and much more that makes him not think rationally for long periods of time. We were talking of getting him to see a therapist, but never got the time... So he's in a real bad state mentally, and I think that's why he's pushing me away as well. Because school (he's about to fail) is stressing him out and he probably needs space... I wanna respect that, but I also want to be there for him.

Oh what to do...

@VirgoGurami

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;

My boyfriend of two years agreed to take a break while studying and having our finals in school (we're 18 and 19), since we had a huge fight because I said I wasn't happy, (This tells me he became anxious about the situation which lead him to become defensive or dismissive, and then it triggered your anxiety) which was stupid because it wasn't because of him and I failed to explain that to him. So, on the evening of that we agreed to have a break for an unknown period of time.
Our break started on a Sunday and we began talking again Thursday, and Friday we went out to do stuff together, and agreed to stay with each other. But then the day after our anniversary(this last Thursday, which means we've been back for a week), I'm playing games on his phone(which I am/I was allowed to by him) and then I accidentally tap on a new message from our mutual friend, and when I open up Messenger, I see this new girl's name popping up... I click it and read through it all. Apparently it's his best friend's best girl friend (my boyfriend goes to the gym with his friend, her and her friend), which I would've been cool with if I had known that they talked, BUT, he had always talked shit about those girls, so I figured he didn't talk or like them at all. But I could read (which is wrong, I know) that HE was the one who texted her first and played those stupid Messenger games with her, letting her win (on purpose, he says that himself)... And then he 'wins' her snapchat... And she knows he has a girlfriend, but he told her in the beginning that we had issues, (This is all so strange...he talked about her and other people, but then he is contacting her etc. He talks about issues regarding the relationship and plays games with her, this is starting to look like something is suspicious) so I guess she didn't pay much thought of it.... So the thing is, they snap a lot back and forth, but he hasn't told me, even though we came back together (and I trusted him enough to not go through his phone on my own). (Well he doesn't have to tell you he snaps other people, it would be nice if he did though) So I call him out immediately when I have read it all, (I believe your anxiety and fear of losing him were triggered here) cry and curse him out for emotionally cheating on me, (The curse him out part was not a good way to handle it, it tells me you lost emotional self control of the situation and you wanted to pull him closer in a negative way. I also think a lot of insecurities were triggered here) which it is, right? (No, unless he was sending flirty or sexual messages) He immediately tells me that I don't have anything to worry about, (I can tell he lacks empathy and understanding of the situation. I feel he didn't make things easier for you such as taking the time to empathize with how you feel, soothing you and then reasurring you things will be okay) since she has a boyfriend. Turns out that was a lie. (This is his second lies, its an indication he tends to uses lies to get himself out of trouble. Your trust for him will begin to decrease after this) Because Friday Night, about 12 hours later, he calls me after work because we needed to work stuff out, and he told me that he had lied on the spot to make it easier for me to believe they were just friends. (This will probably make you feel frustrated and disappointed in him because he didn't tell you the truth, which is normal you would feel this way)
We had a huge fight during this call (I was home and he had just gotten off of work and refused to let me pick him up), (I would be very careful with this...You felt rejected and anxious when he didn't let you pick him up. You lost emotional self control, and then you did/say things on order to either make him do what you want or to pull him closer) and I give him the ultimatum: "Spend New Years Eve with her, whom I don't trust him around, or stay with me." (You are being manipulative here by giving an ultimatum. In other words "You either do what i want, or you do what i want". I understand you are feeling anxious, scared, and fear of losing him, but you can't throw ultimatum like this. You got to communicate like an adult on this situations because ultimatums never work)And we never reached a conclusion, so I hung up.

Two hours later my friend texts me that she has found him in a club, piss drunk and with a bunch of unknown girls. (This is an indication he is fearful, if things are not working out or his needs are not met then he gets drunks and hangs out with unknown girls. He cannot be trusted with this kind of behavior) My other friend goes to find him as well, and he just runs off and grabs a cab to go home (we don't live together). Without answering my calls or texts, he blocks me everywhere except for on the phone... (This is an indication he doesn't know how to handle things like an adult. He blocks you from everywhere, shows zero considerations and can't handle tough moments) And the morning after I have to call his MOM, so that I can come and get my shit from his house. And when I get there he doesn't even come out himself. He made HER give me my things. (I could be wrong here, but when you put "HER" in "He made HER give me my things" is an indication you were expecting something to happen between you two as in him coming out to talk about things or reconciliation) She told me she'd talk to him later and message me afterwards.

So hours pass and I'm at my good friend's house and still no text from her, so I message her first. (You felt anxiety and uncertainty here, so on order to soothe your anxiety you decided to text her) Apparently they talked, he said he hadn't done anything but be friends with her (even though my friend swears she saw him having his arm around a girl). (He is dismissing things and pushing things under the rug. The fact is he lied twice, there was no need to lie in this situation) I asked her to ask him if we were through. We were. (Wow...no breakup talk...it was over and you didn't even know it was. This is not the kind of man you want in your life, you will get your heartbroken againif you date him again.) I'm heartbroken.

So now, Sunday, while I'm at work he texts me saying that he was sorry for wasting two years of my life with him. He told me that I had made him happy and that he wanted to thank me for that. (He is being dramatic here...A quote that says "When theres drama, look for trauma" would definetly apply to everything he said and this relationship.) He told me to move on and that I deserve the best...(Thank you? You see, there was zero need for him to contact you after things were over unless he wanted to talk with you about reconciliation or to fix things. I think he didn't hear from you, felt a little bit anxious, sent you that message on order to see if you were still interested in him. I feel his message was unecessary and selfish, he didn't think about how it would affect you) And being as dumb as I am, I kept texting, because I felt angry and sad. (I could see why you would feel angry and sad, specially with how things ended)
During our text conversation, he kept saying: "I made my choice. I've already said what I wanted to say. I told you the truth. I don't want to do this anymore and that's my choice. I gave you a last chance last time, so sorry, I made my choice." (Look at this...he is taking zero responsability for his actions and blaming you for everything. His messages communicates to me "Well it was all your fault, i gave you many chances and i can't do this anymore...". It takes two people to make a relationship, you both played a part on the downfall of this relationship) When I kept asking him why we couldn't talk in person, why we had to end our 2-year relationship through phone, but he kept saying that stuff...(I see you felt anxious and scared of losing him, so you felt the need to do something on order for the end to not occur)
I asked him if he actually did do something with her and he swore he didn't do anything and that I should trust him on that one. (Well its hard to trust him when he said two lies and was caught with a bunch of unknown girls...)And then he stopped replying. And now I'm just hurt and confused and don't know what to do... (You should do nothing) We have all of our classes together and are going on a field trip with the school an entire month, very soon, so I'll have to see him every day. (If he talks to you, then you talk to him, but be brief and then go on your way. If he doesn't talk to you then you don't talk to him) And I just think that'll break my heart, (It's normal you feel this way, it was a tough breakup) since he said that we should move on to separate paths, which I agree with him on, and I'm trying to see this from his point of view.

We never really had any discussions in our relationship prior to this. (This is an indication resentment build up over unreslved issues)He told me he'd always been afraid to confront me, (I don't think this fear came because of you. I think his feelings and emotions were dismissed growing up so he keeps them bottled up inside until he cant no longer take it) because I have a bad temper and have made a fool out of him one or two times in front of his friends, so he was afraid that if he told me anything, I'd be upset and threaten to break up with him, no matter what. (This tells me he had try to confront you at times, but you either became defensive or threaten to breakup? which made him even more fearful to openly discuss things) But truth is... If he had talked to me about that girl first, this wouldn't have happened. (You are projecting on him, the truth is you have a lot of anxiety and insecurities which were triggered. You both had a fault on what happened) I would've been jealous and asked him to stop talking to her outside of their friend group, (The jealous part comes from your childhood. I think you felt like love was always for someone else, some sort of compeition where you felt another person was more loved or something else. One thing I'm noticing now is that if you get jealous then you demand him to stop talking to her outisde of their friend group because you are afraid of losing him. You feel like if you make him stop talking to him then it would calm down your anxiety) but there's that. Is that too much to ask?

I feel that he feels like I've been smothering him, so it's probably best to break up. While I'm writing this, that's what I'm thinking as well... But if he really is honest, I just want him to forgive me. But he really broke my trust, (I could see why you felt this way, trust is one of the easiest thing to lose when he said a few lies) and we definitely both need time away from each other, to clear our minds and figure out what to do. (I highly encourage you to work on your anxiety, jealous feelings and on emotional self control. You see, closeness comes with a cost for you and him. You fear losing other people, so it will always get your anxiety high for a lot of details you see)
I don't wanna give up on him already, because we know everything about each other. He's been there through my parents' divorce, through his grandma dying... And I don't think I'll ever connect with someone like that again. We were quite honestly soulmates. I gave him space with his friends, and he gave me space with mine. We could nerd about stuff together and with him I could do whatever I never could before. He set me free and helped me through everything. So I definitely don't want to lose him. (I see you two had a strong bond and connection. Its understandable you don't want to lose him, he is an important part of your life. He has a lot of issues, you have a lot of issues, so this is what really put stress on the relationship. You both triggered each other pasts, so the both of you need to be more aware of what goes inside internally on order to have a healthy relationship)

I just wanted to add that he has paranoia, self-esteem issues and much more that makes him not think rationally for long periods of time. (This is going to affect the way he behaves and how he handles certain situations) We were talking of getting him to see a therapist, but never got the time... So he's in a real bad state mentally, and I think that's why he's pushing me away as well. (I think he cannot handle closeness well, and often minimizes things) Because school (he's about to fail) is stressing him out and he probably needs space... I wanna respect that, but I also want to be there for him. (He ended things, so you have to respect that. I would wait until he reaches out first, even though i could understand you want to be there for him)

@VirgoGurami

Hey girl! I read your message and I can totally see why you