Don

@Cmyk22

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

After 7 years, my boyfriend broke up with me last week and I still dont really know or understand what happened. (This can be very hurtful to experience because the breakup came out of no where, and you didn't get the answers you were looking for) Hed been having some issues with depression and anxiety for a while and I was doing my best to support him and compromise for him. (I feel like you were very caring, supportive and did the best you could for him. One thing I would like to point out is that in here the relationship started to become one sided, where your needs/wants became second while his was more of the priority.) When we moved to a new city he wanted to stay in his temporary flat share so we didnt move in together. (Hmm thats strange, its as if he didn't want things to progress out of fear or didn't want to be too emotionally close) Im in a small flat with all our stuff and our cat. For a long time now things with us havent been great. Hes been drinking, taking drugs, having emotional affairs (all of which he denied doing and tried to convince me I was overreacting) (I can see how much hurt you experienced throughout this, it can be tough dealing with all of this. I do believe the drinking and drugs are probably a part of an addiction, and his way to distract himself from the pain and hurt. He is minimizing how you felt, projected on you, and then tried to make you look as if you are overeacting. He is not a healthy individual to have a relationship with) and he would shut down on me whenever I would question it. (You must had felt disconnected and hurt because you wanted to talk, but he would always seek a way to make you feel as if what you are saying was not important) It felt like punishment for speaking out. (This can be quite scary to feel, its this uncomfortable and painful sensation on your chest thats tough to soothe or to calm it down) Im still not sure if any of that was intentional. (It definetly was intentional. He has passive-agressive tendencies) Can you accidentally gaslight someone? The more space from him I get, the more blurry everything has become. (I could see why you would feel this way, its like this huge anxiety would trigger and then it felt like you were in a fog. It's normal you felt this way after the way he gave you silent treatmentt) Was any of it really real? Did he ever love me or was i just a way out? (A lot of people who behave like him tend to be emotionally immature, so they would seek: punishment, hurt, destruction, and silence on order to indirectly express their emotions. The problem with this is that their partners get hurt, and things never get resolved) When did it all start to go wrong or was it wrong from the start? (I believe from the start) I just dont know any more and I cant stop thinking about it and questioning it (It's quite understandable how tough this process can be, its like the mind/heart doesn't feel at peace without knowing what truly happened, and then it makes it hard to go away) and Im really trying to make some kind of life for myself now that its over but how can I do that when I dont know what happened? (I see what you mean, its like feeling stuck since he didn't truly tell you what truly happened) All I said was should we think about taking a break (I could see why you would say this, and a 7 year relationship is not easy to let go of, but he did emotionally cheated on you plenty of times. I understand you love him, but thinking of taking a break is not a good idea because its a relationship you shouldn't come back to unless he gets the proper help) and then he assumed we broke up. That really hurt. What else has he assumed? Sigh.