Dumped after a 12 year "love" story
Hey everyone, wishing you a healthy holiday season! <3
I'm new here and I need all the support I can get. My bf of 12 years broke up with me on Christmas eve. Funny enough it was the first day that it got cold, gray, dark, and very rainy. I live in Miami. This guy was someone who I believed in my very core would be my love forever. My family is helping me get through the emotions and rationalizations but I'm suffering with dreams for the past three nights. These nightmares are me and him together and he's telling me "let's try again". I sleep much better and happier during these nightmares but when I wake up I'm devastated. It's like I relive the moment he dumped me, every morning. I try to reroute my thinking to the bad things he did to me all these years. However, they were also bad things that According to my family I just overlooked and forgave. Do any of you have these nightmares or wake up at several points of the night just staring into the darkness and feeling like sooooooo devastated? I try to keep busy but I feel someone shot me with a shotgun and for some reason I'm still alive walking around with a huge hole in my heart and soul. I need help. To make matters worse, my sister is on a bender of anger with my family and one of my friends is not mentally stable so my support girls can't be there for me right now. I'm going to work in the starbucks I used to and try to make new friends and meet new people. I just want to not think in any kind of romantic way right now. But an old friend coincidently asked me out for this weekend. I also plan to go to YouFit gym and try spinning or indoor cycling.
P.s. he started ghosting me since august. I have a big feeling he met someone else. Who throws my love away after so long??? I'm so blndsighted. He should have stayed and worked on our relationship if he did love me and even if he didn't, feelings come and go. Why not stay and love each other again? Like I tried, did, and suceeded. He didn't even try. He says he did but I don't feel it.
Above all too, I need to grieve my dogs who I have been the primary care and love giver for since day 1...I feel soooo sad even though I'm okay I'm sooooooo depressed. I miss my babies.
The day after he broke up with me, I was staying over at his place, and he kept wanting me out of the house. He was like stop you're making me upset nothing you say will change how I feel. I'm going to shower and take you home. During his shower I sat with my dogs on their bed that they share kissed them petted them with so much love closed my eyes and prayed to god to let me meet them again in haven't.
He was planning trips and date nights with me and talking to me like we used to text during work but not with the same caddence.
Jesus, I need support.
@ivoryCamp1796
Others saw things you might have overlooked or forgave ....... he has been ghosting you and you must have talked with him about waiting for feelings to come back?
i do not know how you had feeling revive ...... working on relationships and being logical about it does not work when the spark is gone.... IMO far too many want things to work so badly they prolong the inevitable...
as i lost all feelings for spouse and nothing has come back ......only deep resentment in pretending things are OK ......the longer it goes to pretend to "work" on it it only enforce my resolve.... when his cadence and enthusiasm started to show in texts and date night etc those were the signs ........
if you want to get over this quicker please look at this realistically not as you thought it was.
This guys timing sucked no doubt and shared pets are like children and very hard to break that bond but yes dreams of unresolved issues can and will happen
He gave me a lot of positive signals and I was swept away. You're right
@ivoryCamp1796
i am sorry for your loss but i do not think you lost what you think you did ......... some men especially IMO ....hold on to a good enough for now relationship until they find something else.
It is so hard to think of things so rational and often one person is far more invested and see only the "love story" they want to see .... so afraid of being alone they cling to someone not caring what damage they will do when they decide to let go.............. it hurts but in the end you will be stronger and wiser
Feel you
Hang in there. We're both in the same boat. We will get through this although in the moment it totally sucks!
Especially if you (as I was) are./were thinking of this guy as being a serious long-term person in your life. You want that stability, that companionship, that friendship.... and they don't. Yeah, not an easy place to be, but know that it's temporary. It will take a while to come to a point of acceptance.
I find writing to be really helpful. I also have a couple of friends I've been leaning on, and I am very grateful to have them listen to my vents.
Know that you're not alone.
