Feeling responsible after break up
My boyfriends broke up with me because I have anxiety and fear of abandonment. I always needed reassurance from him because I felt like he was the only good thing in my life and I was scared he was going to leave me. It was too much for him, I tried making effort I saw a therapist but it wasn't enough for him to stay with me. Now that he's gone I feel so sad and everything is my fault, if I wasn't scared he would have never left me. I feel like because of my anxiety I have lost the perfect man. At the beginning he helped me with my anxiety, he was always there for me and he was perfect. I don't know what to do, I feel like I will never get better and will never get over this breakup and the guilt that I feel for ruining my relationship.
@wittycherry282 I’m so sorry for your pain and although I don’t have many pieces of advice, as I find myself in a similar and complicated situation with the ending of my relationship, maybe knowing that others have felt this way before too and done the same can make you feel less like it was your fault and less shame. Regardless, easing some of the past traumas start with wanting it to change, and therapy may help. I know it has helped me come leaps and bounds, yet I still fall into patterns and Let my mind get the best of me at times. I hope your pain can ease in time, as it would give me hope my pain one day might also ease.
I really feel exactly like you. However, I read a really good book on attachment theory and it mentionned that the only way to deal with anxiety and fear of abandonment in a relationship is to pick a guy who will be patient and secure. This guy will never break up with you because you love him so much!!! There is no way to hide it or pretend that the anxiety is not there, so being truthful about it is the way to go. If the guy leaves because it annoys him, you are not responsible for the break up. He is responsible for giving up too quickly. You two were not a good match. Twist it around in your head: "He was not able to provide you security."