Have you ever been "ghosted"? If so, please read.
Last year, I was "ghosted" by my ex, we were together for almost 5 years. He suddenly ceased all contact with me, without any explanation or warning. After 4 months of no contact, I ended up finding out that he started dating someone without the decency of a goodbye and/or explanation. If you don't know what ghosting is, I'll copy and paste the urban dictionary definition of it. "The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills."
I've had many talks with listeners about my ghosting experience. It still affects my self esteem and worth to this day. Everyday that passes, I feel more and more alone with my thoughts because it feels like I should be "over" it by now. 
While I have gotten over the initial shock and heartbreak, it still affects the way I see people today. I definitely have developed trust issues from it and I've begun to slowly alienate myself from meeting new people, out of fear of being hurt and disappointed again. I realize that I shouldn't do that but it's really the only way I feel like I can cope with how I feel. Also, due to other personal medical reasons outside of my broken heart, meeting people is extremely difficult. I've had loved ones become frustrated because it's still an issue for me. I almost feel like some of them have given up or feel like whatever emotional progress I have made, is not really good enough.
I'd just like to hear other people's experiences on being ghosted. How long did it take you to really feel like yourself again? What methods did you use (minus getting out and meeting new people) in order to help yourself heal from your experience? I know healing time varies from person to person and I think the more love you had for someone, the harder it is to move on and/or find peace again.
I'd love to receive any encouraging words but please don't ask me to just merely "move on" or that I shouldn't allow it to affect me/think about it. I feel like those sort of words hurt more than help.
Thank you! 
I'm sorry this happened to you. Be gentle with yourself. It wasn't your fault; it was awful of them, especially after a long relationship. Know that most people wouldn't do this. If you are fearful of a future relationship, background check which could show some character issues. Toxic relationships can take much longer to get over. Read on sites that deal with these types. Peace to you.
Hi, ghosting is becoming increasingly common with the onset of online dating. What you are feeling, is actually an epidemic of unaccountability. It is a symptom of relationships becoming more about power, and more about doing less. I am currently writing a self help book on recovering from virtual relationships/online relationships - but the underlying theme is the same - complete lack of empathy, and absence of accountability, and you are right, it makes it that much harder to trust the next person..
It really helps to perceive the situatio like this - this is not about you, it should not affect your self esteem - it is much much more about the other person who suddenly decides to stop talking. He sure must have some serious issues! You should feel sorry for him, and rejoice that you missed a bullet!
Thank you for the insights and kind words. I will continue to read your thoughts and/or experiences on ghosting. Thank you to all that have responded so far.
My ex whom I was with for a decade and change broke up with me through email. We did have "in person" conversation after much urging from me to sort things out but he pretty much has gone cold turkey since.
Just as a lot of folks have already mentioned before me: Be gentle with yourself. It's easy to blame yourself but know that it isn't your fault and it's all on the person doing the ghosting. They probably have a lot of things they want to sort out for themselves.
I found a podcast on Youtube that was really helpful for me to understand or at least empathize why someone would want to just drop everything and/or ghost you. I encourage you to give it a watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4uQBKBXfJ0
The relationship didn't work out for a reason. Consider yourself lucky that the decision to "ghost" did save you from the unhappiness and frustration of the lack of communication had it gone on.
It will take a while to heal. It's okay to feel upset, sad, depressed. Just let yourself feel those feelings but don't linger for too long. It really will be okay. Please don't let this experience discourage you from opening yourself to finding the right one.
@tealVillage6189
This honestly couldn't have came at a better time. I'm approaching my 1 year "anniversary" of my breakup with my ex...and it's been difficult. I listened to the video you linked and it was very inspiring. The world is a big place and there is so much to see and do...I just hope I'm able to find my place in it eventually.
Thank you 
@TrueArrow
Hi there,
I'm really glad I found this post, as I am struggling with my (ex) boyfriend ghosting me a few weeks ago. We had been seeing each other for over a year, and a couple weeks ago he stopped talking to me out of the blue. In hindsight, I can see his "slow fade", but we didn't discuss any unhappiness in the relationship prior to the ghosting. I feel duped, shitty, and just overall really depressed about it. He lives in a different city, so I doubt I will ever even see him again. I keep trying to tell myself it "wasn't about me", but then my own negative self-talk will try to find something wrong with me. I.e. I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough etc. I find it extremely difficult to comprehend his actions. Overall, I just feel so incredibly low compared to past relationships.
Ghosting is so incredibly traumatic, and especially for those in relationships. I want to tell myself I'll be okay, and that I'll trust others like I used to, but i'm afraid this one has fucked me up for a while.
It's good to know there are others out there who are openly talking about on 7cups. Its the reason I joined. I feel like i'll never get closure, and I think thats one thing that will hurt for a while.
@persistentField2215
Thanks for writing in! It sounds as if you are still dealing with the initial shock of being left so suddenly and without any explanation. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I had, wondering what I had done so grievously wrong to deserve such treatment. Even though my relationship with my ex was very rocky at times, I never thought he would abandon me so suddenly. The first thing I'd like to stress to you is, you didn't do anything to deserve this sort of treatment. I'm sure your relationship like mine had it's problems, but there is no justifiable reason for someone to leave you without any sort of closure. Learning to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made in the relationship and realizing that you weren't at fault for his abandonment helped me tremendously.
I can't say that this is what you could have experienced, but through my own research and seeking to find closure, I believe my ex suffers from BPD. I must stress this is only an assumption based upon his actions as he was never formally diagnosed while (I don't speak to him anymore, so I'm not sure if he has been diagnosed with it since). He also had a friend that by his words, was emotionally abusive and was very jealous of others getting too close to him. Sadly, during the last few months we were together this friend played a huge part in some of the drama that I had to deal with. That being said, I also have reasons to believe that a lot of what my ex told me were lies. But I digress...
For myself, I needed to seek the "answers" outside of myself to understand what happened. This may not be something you need for closure, but fostering a reasonable sense of sympathy helped me forgive my ex for what happened. As much as I would like to make him seem like a villain, I do know he was painfully afraid of being abandoned and being wrong/disappointing others. I guess that could have been a key factor for why he left without an ending.
I'd be happy to answer whatever questions you have right now because I have been in your shoes. I know how isolating and incredibly hurtful it can be to deal with this. You're definitely not alone! xx
@persistentField2215
I was abandoned around the same time. it sucks.
I was living with my significant other. We had a dog, we were tight with each others families, we'd done holidays, vacations, everything together. One day I went to work knowing it was going to be horrible. My SO and I just fought over something stupid and it was going to be a 16 hour overnight shift. Didn't answer my calls or texts the entire shift. Got home to an empty house with a note that said "Sorry, can't do it anymore. Moved back to (country we had moved from), took the dog. Hope you can forgive me"
I got overexcited and posted without finishing my thoughts.
It took a while for me to figure out that I can't depend on that person for closure, I'd have to find it myself. I ended up moving on and finding happiness myself. A few years later I found a note on my car saying they were in town taking care of business (my guess is legal stuff since it's not easy to just up and leave a country lol) and leaving me was the worst mistake of their lives.
Meanwhile, it's been close to five years. I've had a few successful relationships since then and I haven't let it affect me much. I ask more questions now and don't always trust as easily, but this doesn't have to destroy you. It's just another shitty break up on the road to true love.
@Yougotthisdontfret sorry to read your story.
its good to see you are so strong though.
My bf just left after five years together. We were generally really strong with the odd argument as you do. Normally about one a year but nothing major. We were about to buy a house and then he found out his job was at risk and his personality kind of switched on me. Suddenly he didn't have feelings for me anymore. I begged and did all that and got ignored... Went round there in the end and he was jaw dropped to see me. Thought I'd have just left without trying... I tried to give him space but now he has set a picture of some new girl a his whatsapp picture and ignoring me. I have no choice but to move on. Heartbroken.
@TrueArrow Hi arrow! thanks for sharing this now I know what to call the situation I am in... Ive been "ghosted" 👻 too only its not by a lover but a friend..but it hurts the same for me...unlike you its only been a month and I have been trying to cope up and struggling... People who usually do this are cowards who avoids the problem and prefers convenience over conviction... really? why can't you just say i dont like you anymore because no matter how much it hurts I can take it... At least I know... I want to know... Anyway, I support you in everyway . You are a strong woman to be able to overcome it maybe not completely but life goes on.. All the best for you and thanks again ...just keep swimming! 😊
@LaDyBug0420
Thanks for the support, LaDyBug!
Having the time to reflect on what happened has changed my perception quite a lot. I don't blame myself for his sudden departure and I know that it isn't my fault. I still think what my ex did was pretty insensitive and cowardly but I do forgive him. Regardless of it all, I wish him a very happy life.
Hi TrueArrow,
I may be playing devils advocate here, the term ghosting is new to me, however the description matches something i have just done recently. Though I did it out of fear for my health and safety, there are times when i feel that i shoud have taken that extra effort to make her see the light of things but truth is i just wasnt strong enough to face her head on, her manipulative and aggressive nature didnt help. She was adept at playing the weaker sex card when it suited her to get what she wants. We are all different when it comes to handling stress.
If your partner truly loved you, this would have hurt him as much because even though its been 4 months it hurts me every day. Though hard to acccept but some people are just not good for each other. Inspite of the things she's done to hurt me, there's a part of me that will always love her.
On the other hand if the guy didnt love you then you're better off without him because you deserve better.
The tricky part here is to learn to trust again, i'm on that journey, hoping time will heal everything
We each have our own journey, Good Luck with yours, hope you find your true love.
