I Think I Messed Up
I feel so stupid. My boyfriend and I had been going out for 9 months. We agreed to go slow. I thought that 9 months was enough time for me to introduce him to my sister and for us to have lunch together. The week before we were set to meet, I asked him if he was going to accept my follow request on Instagram. He told me that FB and IG was for family and he didn't want them asking questions. I asked if he was hiding me from them and he goy irritated and said they knew he was seeing someone, just not who. We left dinner and he was still upset. I asked him what was on his mind and he started talking about how I was just adding this pressure to him and that I was pushing too fast. He then brought up meeting my sister and that it might not be a big deal to me but it was for him and he wasn't sure he was ready for that. I tried to explain to him that I just wanted to show people in my life who I was seeing and see how he fit in my world. He then started saying that he wasn't sure about the future. And that we were in 2 different places in life. We stopped the conversation because we kept going in circles. A few nights later we had dinner to discuss. I told him what I wanted and that I was invested in the relationship. He told me to send him a list of the things that we had talked about. I did. And the next evening he responded with a text "I don't think I should leet your sister this Sunday " I texted back "why?". He didn't respond until Sunday morning that he "doesn't think he can give me what I want." I asked him to call me and waited all day. Finally I took his silence as him not wanting anything to do with me. I sent him a text telling him that I appreciated his honesty and that I wanted this to work out but it only could if he did too. The next day we exchanged our stuff we had of each other's. We ended up talking some more and decided to give ourselves some time to think. In between we had dinner a few times. Finally I told him that I would need an answer if he wanted this relationship. We had dinner on Sunday and I brought up the question to him. He reverted back to saying that he didn't have an answer and he felt like I was pushing for one now. And I told him the only thing I wanted to know was what he was and wasn't ready for, and whether he wanted to he with me. He said he doesn't know what he's ready for. I told him that I love him and that I could fight for us if he wanted me, but that I couldn't do this back and forth. I then told him that I had to step back. And that I hoped he figured things out but thay there was no guarantee I would still be there. After I left he texted and asked if I got home okay. I was too heartbroken to respond. I responded the next day and told him that I was stepping back and that he needed to tell me he wanted me in his life and make that choice. He then called me the next day and talked with me like everything was normal. I have no idea what's happening.
@quietPerson2362
Hey, I see that you are going through a confusing and rough time. I hope it gets better for you soon. ❤ So, you are ready to introduce your boyfriend to your family and he doesn't want his family to know who his girlfriend is. It looks like you guys have different dynamics with your families. What are his reasons for not doing that? Does introducing your partner mean more than just letting them know about your relationship? For example, in my culture, introducing your partner would mean that you were almost ready for marriage. And, from what you have shared, it seems like you just want him to tell you that he wants you in his life. Does he understand that it does not mean that he needs to feel pressured into a marriage or a commitment of that sorts? And I can understand 9 months feels like a long time. I would mostly feel similarly if I were in your situation but people have different perspectives and it's okay. I hope you are able to do what's best for you. Take care and sending you loads of love. 💕
@Grace8402 Thank you for responding. In my culture meeting family can be a very big deal too. I tried to explain to him though that, that is why I wouldn't have him meet my parents. They are very traditional. My siblings were born here and are more modern in their thought process. He felt like it was getting too serious. He keeps defaulting to saying "he's not ready" or that "he doesn't know." I even told him that he could decide about his family since he knew them best, but that I knew the people in my life and to trust me.
Yesterday's phone call from him was very confusing. I just don't know where I stand with him. I'm trying to focus on myself, but it's difficult when I want so bad to know that he wants me in his life and that we can move forward from this. Being in this in between state is very hard on me emotionally. I have high moments where I feel very in control and myself. And then I get distracted eventually and feel like I have no ground beneath me.
@quietPerson2362
How you dealt with the different family differences, was very mature. I'm proud of you for that. And, yeah it could be confusing. You feel like he wants you in his life, you want him too but why is he not ready to just say that. It is confusing. And I'm glad that you are taking this time to focus on yourself. It can be hard, and not be smooth but you are trying and it'll get better. Regardless of what happens, you'll be able to continue as a better person.
Hi! I don’t think you messed up and in my opinion after 9 months a guy should know whether he wants to be in a serious relationship with you or not and personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal at all to meet your sister. This is coming from a girl who dated a guy for 9 years who broke up with me because he couldn’t give me the commitment I wanted — RUN!!! I know your sad now, but in the grand scheme of things, 9 months isn’t very long and I’m sure you can find someone who can love you the way you need to be loved.
