@rileyrhodes
The good news first - what you've described doesn't sound like any end is near, quite the contrary. Both of you very obviously care deeply about this house and intend to spend a very long time, most likely a lifetime in it! That is why it matters so much that both partners are trying their hardest to make every little thing perfect.
The bad news - this is perhaps the first thing that has mattered so deeply to both of you where neither wants to give an inch because perfection is paramount. You're both forgetting that you're kicking the very person you want to share that house with, to make it a home!
The solution - daily, if necessary hourly reminders that you are building a HOME together. It needs love, respect and corners where both are happy. Perhaps some corners won't be perfect for you, perhaps some won't be perfect for her... but as long as you both have happy space in that home you should be alright :)
All the best!
@0m maybe I should have elaborated a little more. When it comes to going to the land, we already live there. Weve been living in a small house on the land, and are building a house behind where we are living. All Im asking is her to put on her shoes and have a discussion with me, literally in the back yard.
@rileyrhodes
It certainly is a bit strange that you need to set an appointment with her for a later date to step out into the backyard to show her something. Are you sure this is just about the house and not some other issues that are playing up whenever you talk about the house?
@0m I thought that may be the case, if that
@rileyrhodes
When a loved one is having trouble opening up to you with whatever is bothering them, a good approach can be to remember that it's never a good idea for both partners to have a bad day together. If she's triggered and having a bad day, give her the space to have it and be patient. Sometimes your reciprocal anger, although justified, may be exactly the excuse she needs to not open up to you.
I hope this gets sorted soon, I'll have my fingers crossed for you!
It's good that you both are looking to expand and move forward together as couple making long life choices . It shows you got to a point in your relationship what is going strong and aiming towards long life future .
You both got alot ahead of . There are so many things you got ideas about and that's exciting. You shouldn't not let them happen but as like any relationship it takes time to finally get to a place you both happy in .So with the house it will take time but if you can make your relationship work you can make anything.
I guess this is an on going project so you don't have time for yourselves. What do you you despite building the house? Do you go out or not
Maybe taking time out for a couple of hours you and her can give you both time to chill and have nice time . Do what you did before like being romantic and cooking dinner . Before any of this happened .
I know time maybe a problem but hour or two might help build bridges. You both will get on better and feel happy doing this project .
What do you think?
@rileyrhodes
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
Ill give you the cliff notes version. My wife and I are building a house and its getting to the point where we cant talk about it without arguing. (This indicate you both are not meeting in the middle. I can also tell one side feels anxious and the other seems more distant and closed off so it leads to arguments) Not disagreements, screaming, knock down, drag out, verbal knife fights. We are getting ready to start the process of where toputting the house, and I said I wanted her to go on the land with me and visualize and talk about the pros and cons of each potential spot. (I understand where you are coming from, it makes a lot of sense to me. I can tell you want to engage more and discuss things with her) She absolutely refuses. (Thiss probably triggered some sort of emotion from within) I keep saying that its different when you are on the land and looking at things and discussing things, (You can correct me if im wrong, but I do understand why you would say this. I just think you may have felt rejected and a bit anxious when she refused) but she keeps saying she doesnt need to and that she knows what it looks like. (This is going to trigger some sort of emotions from within as well, so you became triggered which probably made you insist on this and then it made her feel triggered which caused her to refuse at first) Ive finally gotten her to agree to go to the land and look at it this Friday, (This is an indication you felt anxious, so you kept insisting on order to soothe the anxiety and feelings of rejection. It's very important to respect what she wants as well without trying to be mostly focus on what you want) but now Im mad that the fight even happened. Ive been driven to levels of anger that I didnt know I had in me, (Something triggered from your past and you felt rejected which caused you to feel anger. I could tell its tough for you to handle someone refusing something, it causes you to lose emotional self control because it feels like someone is rejecting you) and drinking is the only way I can get through these arguments anymore. (This tells me you are pushing things under the rug and coping with other things to reduce the stress, which makes things worst)
Well, we had our little appointment in the back yard. She still doesnt give a shit. She wants me to make the decision because she makes all the decisions for us. She acted like it was a waste of time and I spent the next hour trying to tell her she should care about where the house goes and she doesnt. I almost had to beg her to walk 30 feet to the next option, Where we both proceeded to cuss each other out. Then she said we should get a divorce. She still Does not care where we put the house as long as we get out of where we are now. None of this is going well.
Ok, so I
