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I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. He lives in another country and we've never met. Always FaceTime and text.
He broke up with me last night out of the blue. The night before we had a fight because I've voiced that I haven't been feeling loved. That he has become distant and that to make a relationship work u need to listen to what your partner needs more of. You can't get comfortable. He was defensive and basically fought with me that nothings changed. The next day I wake up and he just says we'll talk when you're back from work. After work he says it's best we part ways. He admits I was right with what I said the night before. Funny enough he's done that a lot... making me feel like what I'm sensing and feeling is just in my head. He just said it and instantly wanted to go. He was so cold. He didn't even have the balls to do it over FaceTime. He said he's felt like this for a couple days. DAYS? You feel like this for a few days and you just drop a 3 year relationship like that? Not even trying to work it out? Its a relationship. You're not going to always be in love that's why u need to work on keeping that sparkle. It hurt me so much how he literally wanted to leave the chat straight away. Even tho I was hurt I just needed answers so I tried to be nice bc he means so much to me. Even tho the way he talked hurt me so much. To clarify I was the one saying how amazing of a person he is, wishing him the best, saying I'll always love him etc.
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I relate to this and I'm so sorry for you. Me and my ex recently cut communication and sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating. Luckily because of the corona I don't go out much and he's back at home. I'm dreading the first conversation we will have especially since we have a child on the way. Breakups really hurt.
@determinedDime161
im so sorry to hear that ☹️ Congrats on your baby though. I bet you're going to be a great parent. I wish u all the best. I can't imagine what it feels like right now for you. I hope you find a way where both of u can be comfortable and happy❤️ We all will get through this. It won't be easy, no way. But we will❤️ There will be an end to this hurt. Message anytime!
@modestHouse458 What just happened to you, happened to me 6 weeks ago. I am still dealing with the pain. I think that I've made great progress but it has gotten worse the last couple of days. I also lost my job, was uploading my resume to the Internet, and before you know it, I'm back on 7cups doing a 1-1 chat. I just want to say, as I have also been told, Take Care of Yourself. You deserve love and you will have it again.
@independentPlace3911
Im sorry that happened to you. It's still very recent for you. Trust me I get how it gets worse again after something bad happened in your life. It just makes u miss that person more because you probably would be with them to vent and feel better and supported.
Thank you. I'm starting to try to do that and genuinely try to take care of myself more compared to just wanting to and talking about it before. Hopefully this leads you to something even greater in the future! Feel yourself hugged. I'm so proud of us to reach out for help when we need it. This community Is great.
@modestHouse458 Thanks, you too. I just related to your whole story. My man was my best friend. We talked about everything and especially at the end of the day. So during the day I do my best to cope with it. But at night when I'm alone with my thoughts, too. Well, you know. I am praying for our healing because this totally sucks.
@independentPlace3911
I know exactly what you mean. That's why I've been writing, first thing when getting into my room and bed. I get it all out as much as I can with not distractions so that I don't start to overthink as much when trying to sleep.
I too have been praying for both of us to heal, to help him and get some strength to work through this and help his family because his mom is very sick. Also for myself. It has been helping me a lot... to know that there is a plan for all of this. For each of us and our life's. ❤️ Feel free to message anytime
@modestHouse458 Wow. You are the first person that I've met on here that is journaling? Are you actually hand writing out your thoughts? I think I need to do this but wasn't sure it would really help. You are giving me hope. Someone said to write him a letter and then burn it. I did that but maybe I will try that again. Similar to you, I knew my ex's mom. She has passed away now but I knew her and cared about her. That adds another layer to the pain. Great talking to you.
@independentPlace3911
I get what you mean. I've tried to journal before and never stuck to it but since it happened, which was very recent but still, I've been writing every night. Yes hand writing. I don't like typing that much haha. I used to want to be someone that was able to journal everyday and put into words what I'm feeling and I just thought I need to let this out. I sat there in the quiet and just wrote for 40 minutes or so. For me that's very hard. I don't like quietness that much and can normally even study better when it's louder around.
You should definitely try it! Coming from someone that thought it wouldn't help that much.
Someone told me the same thing to be honest but I prefer keeping them. I write down a lot and not just to him but to myself and thoughts and to god. Maybe it's because it's recent but I don't want to let go of these entries in the journal.
Also same back at you. It was nice to hear about someone also praying about it. I thought I was weird to pray for him so much. His mom is sick and his family is struggling altogether at the moment so I just pray for them.
❤️❤️
@modestHouse458 Very interesting. See, I'm paranoid that someone will find my private thoughts. (This is coming from someone who still has their 3 year diary from like age 10-13. 😉)
I understand what you mean about saving them. My ex and I would email sometimes. I found an app for my phone that you can upload things into which encrypts them to keep them safe. That is now my treasure because I saved those beautiful emails. They're like my love letters. I totally get it.
When he first broke up with me I deleted most of his photos. But the emails, I just can't.
And yes, I pray every day. I've never been particularly religious but I need strength to come from somewhere. It can't hurt. And you are a wonderful person to keep his family in your thoughts. Just last night I messaged him to say that I still pray for his safety every day. And I do. He will always be important to me.
@independentPlace3911
Hahaha me too! I still have one with only like maybe a month of entries and I still hide and keep it close 😂 I honestly write on my iPad. So maybe it's not the traditional handwriting, which I enjoy more but I'm trying to cut my paper usage. I use the pencil to write it out in a notes app and no one can access my iPad unless I give them the password so I stopped worrying haha.
And yes I did the same thing. I deleted a lot of images the first day after already and then the days after that I really went through my camera roll thoroughly. I couldn't get myself to delete our chat tho. I think it's okay to and I don't want to rush myself. It doesn't mean we have to delete them from our memory I feel like... idk maybe I feel like that because it's still too new for me
@modestHouse458
Ahhh, ok. I love the Notes thing too. I may have to try. I have to get it out of my system. All of the emotions are still raw to me. I didn't think we were on a marriage track necessarily, but I thought that I would always have him in my life. Like we would always have each other and beautiful memories. (I would have said YES for sure.) I'm just saying that it wasn't something we talked about but we definitely had soulmate conversations. So just like you, I'm confused about how someone can turn on a dime like that. Yikes.
I would definitely keep the chats too.
Feel free to find me anytime. 🌞 It's hard to find Listeners on this site who specialize in breakups. At least that has been my experience. But I still do the chats with them anyway because it does help.
@independentPlace3911
I know exactly what you mean. I just thought I'll always have him even though we didn't talk about a specific plan for the future.
Agreed I've been talking to this one listener that's been helping me a lot. I hope you find someone that fills what you need. That's true there aren't many that specialize in breakups. If you don't find the conversations settle your ease I would really encourage you to try journaling again.
the posts between us and others on here have been helping me a lot too. Thank you❤️
@modestHouse458 first fore most its ok shit happens
long distance relations with guys u never met aint always amazing
hope u find some1 better
I feel your pain. My 11 year relationship has been struggling and I think he is going to break it off at the end of quarantine. I was fortunate to find him my second week of college and by the end of our first semeter, we were dating. We've been together ever since, moved in to a condo together, have pets together, etc. I'm 29 now, and he's really the only relationship I've ever had. I live halfway across the country from my family, so it's not like I can turn to them and see them during this time. I have a couple friends out here, but I don't get to see them in person very often (even before quarantine). They all are married and have kids, so they are busy. I only have one single friend, who is about 5 years younger than me. I've never lived on my own before. I am extremely depressed and anxious. My mental health is really suffering from facing the reality that he is likely going to break up with me and move out, and I'm going to be alone out here with no family and few friends to talk to. I'm also stressed out about never finding someone else and being alone forever (or if I do find someone, it will be too late to even consider starting a family, given that I'm already 29). I cry multiple times a day, and I keep praying and begging God to fix it (I don't even consider myself to be terribly religious). You are not alone in feeling alone and sad.
@Avantgardenx I'm sorry to hear what you're struggling with. I can't imagine what it's like having a feeling that he might end it soon. Are you happy in this relationship? After 11 years is the thought of being alone scaring you more or is it him specifically that you don't want to lose? I've felt before that I just feared a lot being alone. Not that I didn't have feelings for that person but it has scared me more to not have this constant best friend. Try not to compare your place in life to others. You're only 29. That is very young still. My aunt has had a similar fear and she now finally found someone she wants to be with and she's a lot older than you. I don't think it's ever too late.
I can see that a lot of things are piling up for you. You've never lived alone, you have been with him for a long time and through very essential years at that, you don't have family or friends close to you and you fear about the future. That's a lot to think about and worry about. Have you thought of voicing your worries? What exactly is it that makes you think he will break up? I hope that some of your constant pressure and the feeling you probably carry around with yourself lifts some. Have you been trying to do things to get these thoughts out of your mind? Maybe writing it down and getting them out of your system would help. I think you need to take a step back.
@Avantgardenx
Take a step back and take a moment to just breathe and focus on what is happening right now and not what might happen after something else has happened. We humans worry and fear things that aren't real a lot. I try to remember that at this moment there is nothing to fear. We fear what could happen and if that happened what could happen after. Unknown territory is very scary especially after being in such a long commitment. It's like learning a lot of things again and that will be scary I'm not going to sugar coat that. But that is to be expected. It doesn't mean it will be bad though. We always think because we're scared of something the thing has to be something bad or worse than what we have right now. Try to not overthink too much. Have you had any rituals you've built over the years that help you get out of that overthinking state of mind? I recommend maybe reading a book or seriously writing all your worries down. Most of all I would just recommend talking to your partner. You're hurting yourself more by thinking through every possibility. You can't let yourself live like this. You deserve better and need to put your mental health first. I'm proud you've reached out and could identify what exactly you're fearing. Ask yourself why exactly you're fearing that specific thing and write down how could handle that situation. You're far more capable of handling what's coming at you than you think! Trust me! Message anytime!
@modestHouse458
May I ask how is it that you have not met the person after 3 years? Sorry to hear about your experience...
@buttercup12345678
Yes of course. He lives in another country (different continent even) and it's just never been possible financially. They're struggling to live. I was very young and didn't have the opportunity nor money to fly there.
@modestHouse458
It must be so difficult because you would be hoping to see him oneday. Texting and sharing your lives daily is also a form of investment and engagement and this break up must be so difficult for you. Ghosting is also extremely hard to deal with. The term refers to when someone ignores you and leaves from your life suddenly and completely. I believe it is hard for you to fly down to see him and talk about things. I am glad you face time him so there is some communication. However, not being able to be with the person is also problematic for the future. It may mean that you are spending all these time on him but I wonder if he is also spending all this time on you?
I noticed you said different continent. I don't want to probe on your privacy but if it is somewhere far away, then I wonder how the whole relationship wiill work out in the future. Are you wanting to spend another 3 more or 6 years online just to have the break up later? I speak from experience from having spend a lot of years on a relationship that did not work out. I hanged on because it is what I do but if you are young now. My advice is to get out while you can. Look for someone in your area or at least able to see face to face and real relationships can work from there.
Online persona is very different from face to face. If you want marriage one day, then online will not take you there. I know you are feeling rough at the moment, and I am cheering you on from here. Take Care.
@buttercup12345678
Thats something I've asked myself throughout the relationship. I've had doubts many times but I was so in love and still am and didn't want to think about it not working out. I knew it was maybe unlikely but I didn't want to face it. It was very hard since it happened out of nowhere.
He broke up with me exactly a week ago.
And yes it is very far away and that's why I had doubts many times. We always hinted to a future but never had actually made a set plan because of our situations. My friend asked me that too. Would it have been better to break up in another year ? Or now? I don't know it just hurts a lot at the moment.
I often craved more and was sad to not have him in person. It's a very odd situation because I've been in a long relationship but because it was long distance there are many things that I've never done at the same time. Like go on a date or something.
Im certain it will be very different but until then I'm looking forward to being alone and healing on my own for now.
I can't even think about someone else at the moment though. Thank you for your words. I can use all the cheers that I can get. ❤️
@modestHouse458
I think it is always difficult for online to be really "real" for a life as there are many things like you said you have not done, like, going for movie dates, dinner dates, receiving hugs, cuddles etc. I am guessing he might be from a poorer country as you shared that he struggles with life financially. I know it is real for you and I trust it is. However, I hope you have not send money. The reason why I say this is because, I had an "online relationship"- also cannot meet, also cannot chat because of "work' and distance, and many other reasons, but eventually it turned out to be a scam asking for a lot of money to be sent over. Too much details to share here. But, do be careful if you still have not met the person after so many years of dating and your online investment of time/heart/energy/soul. Basically, it was a scam in my situation. And it is raising at the moment. Romance cheaters for benefits. I apolgoise in advance if this is not your situation and he has never asked for any money/gifts/help from you.
If he has not asked you for gifts, money etc. Then maybe he is just wanting a connection or someone to share his journey online while he continues to live his physical life. For man, time is not a problem. For us ladies, it makes a big difference in our lives, our potential opportunity for family and also we find it harder to find a life partner later on in our years. Speaking from experience, he has done you a big service now.
Someone recently told me "If you need to be cheated, get cheated early, cut your losses and move on". I know it is very hard. Hang in there, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel one day. Hugs.
@buttercup12345678
No that's thankfully not my situation. We were each other's support and rocks always. I know what you mean and I get it but it doesn't make it hurt less at the moment. I'm trying to stay positive and work on myself and keep myself busy. Thank you though for looking out for me as I have seen many cases where people were scammed with this sort of thing. ❤️
@modestHouse458 i am sorry that your struggling with this its tough it seems most online relationships fizzle out sooner or later especally if you never met the person before.
@sallyanne1994568
thank you❤️
Hi there. I'm sorry for what has happened to you. While yours lasted for 3 years, mine lasted only about a month and a half. But the pain is real and been going on for a few weeks now.
I met this girl from a dating app and we video called almost every day ever since then. Single mum, independent, good career, strong personality. We connect real quickly and I somehow had feelings for her during the friendship phase. Turns out she liked me too but she's skeptical the relationship will work because she kept experiencing discrimination from parents during all of her past relationships.
I made a mistake of being too honest in the relationship. I told my dad about her due to her request and he quickly put me down and criticised me in my choice of woman. I told her about what he said and she cried because she thought it was over. I told her it doesn't matter what others said about her.
One day, she just nonchalantly said we need a break. But I was confused for a week and asked again whether she actually meant it was a break up. She just coldly said I can call it whatever I like. I was appalled by what she said because it feels like she's just toying with me despite all the future plans we have for each other during the relationship.
