I can
Ive been with this man for 5 years. 2 years ago he cheated on me for 6 months. It was cruel, the way he strung me along in case he decided that i was the one for him. I took him back, after all the lies, all the pain, anything was better than not being with him. He broke up with me a couple days after Easter. He was talking to someone else... again. He claims he wants to try to be friends again, but i dont want to put in the effort to be his friend.
I was mean to him for those two years. I belittled him, never listened to his feelings (because what he had done to me was soooo much worse in my mind).
I cant forgive him. I dont want to. I want him to be mine again, and i have no idea why i would continually do that to myself. Maybe i feel like Ive lost something?
What gets me the most is, i took him back... i have him a second chance. And he wont do the same for me. He asks me to be patient while he figures it out, but he said all this last time while he was screwing around.
I feel so lost, so worthless and used up. I am a shadow of who i used to be, and i can not get off my couch or stop crying. I dont eat, i barely sleep... he continues to tell me that he loves me, and i dont believe him. How could he put me through this twice and love me?
@Phe I am so sorry to hear about your experiences in this relationship, Phe. Sending you hugs. I am glad you reached out to talk about it. We all are here with you to listen, discuss and support.
We may not able to undo the past but I guess we can shape our present and future. Probably you can think to communicate with him and figure out if you want to leave this relationship considering he betrayed you.
What do you say?
@Phe
Hey can you go into more detail about this part;
I was mean to him for those two years. I belittled him, never listened to his feelings (because what he had done to me was soooo much worse in my mind).
In what way you felt like you never listen to his feelings? in what way you belittle him?
@freshLight64 i was vicious. I didn
@Phe
I'm so sorry about hearing what you went through, and I feel for you 
I recently had to shut down a friendship due to feeling like my feelings about the friendship were being invalidated and I was inexplicably ghosted. That being said ... you deserve much better than how he has treated you and I hope and pray that someone who truly cares for you and loves you for YOU will soon come your way. 
My advice would be to try your best to not allow this negative experience to change you or who you are. You're a good person and if you continue to show that, a better person will come your way. 
@Phe I know what that feels like Phe. I was once where you are now and it is all consuming. Everyone has their own timeline on how they move through all of the emotions of a betrayl. I have been on both sides to be honest. I was betrayed and I was the betrayer and neither is a good feeling. My wish for you is that you find the peace you need to be the best you that you can be. You will make it through this stronger than you think is possible. Hugs coming your way...
