I can't stop panicking over the things he said about my parents.

I just got out of my first long-term relationship about a month ago. My partner was an overall good person, but our relationship wasn't right for us, and we decided to end things mutually. The problem is, I frequently get very anxious about some of the things he said about my parents.

When we started dating, he was emotionally unstable and occasionally fell into depressive episodes. He had previously attempted suicide, but he was healing. We would spend a lot of time together, but my parents disapproved because they were worried I wasn't spending enough time on school. I was really happy when I was with my partner, though. He loved me and being with me seemed to make his depression fade a bit. This isn't to say that he didn't give me space when I needed it, but during the early days of our relationship, he relied on me for emotional support a lot.

However, around the 6th month of our relationship, he started becoming more hostile to my parents. Previously, we had joked about my mom throwing him out of the house if he ever came to visit and dumb things like that. The jokes felt harmless. At the time, I was working on a present for him. It took me a long time to make any progress on it, and realizing that I needed more time, I lied to my boyfriend and said that my mother had destroyed it, hoping to pass the blame. I immediately regretted it, knowing that my mom respected me, but I just didn't want to disappoint my partner.

I further regretted it when he threatened her. He shook his head incredulously and said, "I swear, if she does that again, I'm going to hurt her." I backtracked quickly and told him the truth. I was horrified. Even if he was joking, it was over the line and terrifying to think about. He couldn't believe that I would lie to him about something like this, and we proceeded to fight about me lying to him and what he had said. He told me that we shouldn't need approval from my parents to be together because it was our relationship. Ultimately, I got him to apologize, but I'm still so uneasy about it. His apology seemed more begrudging than sincere, and I've been anxious about it for months.

His emotional instability got better over time. He went to go see a therapist and spent some time in an inpatient program. We went through it all together. We had a lot of high points, but even for a long time after what he said about my mom, I would ask him (mutliple times) if he had any intention to hurt her. I couldn't get it out of my head.

Sometimes, he took it well, shaking his head reassuringly and promising me no harm would come to my parents. But other times, he would get this look of disbelief, sadness, and frustration. He would say things like, "No, I wouldn't want to do that. I'm a good person. Why can't you believe me?" I would remind him of the things he said before, but he would respond with "But I apologized! I don't want to hurt anyone! Don't the good things I've done outweigh the bad things?" He would become miserable at my distrust.

And I know he had a point. He apologized. He was nice to my parents whenever they met. His mental health grew stronger since then. But I always felt like he put the blame more on me, as if he didn't want to fully admit what he said was wrong and that I was the one getting anxious spontaneously. Even now, I can't stop thinking about it. It's consuming my life, and I just want it to stop. He kept assuring me he was a good person, but I can't manage to stop grappling with my doubts. I don't want to keep fighting with myself over whether or not I was dating someone good or bad. I just want to know. I'm so tired of wanting closure but not getting it because we don't talk much anymore. Am I just overthinking things? Is my anxiety justified?