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mootmoot16
348 M Embraced 3
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceJuly 7, 2019
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Advice for Seeking Therapy?
Anxiety Support / by mootmoot16
Last post
 October 8th, 2020
...See more Hi there! I've been lapsing in and out of very turbulent mindsets recently, and I was hoping to get professional help for it. Since I haven't been able to talk to anyone about my feelings, I started looking for a therapist, but I'm on a very tight budget. I know that some people here might have sought or are currently seeking therapy, and I was wondering if you had any tips? Like, how to find the right therapist, what to do if you don't have much money for help, what a session is like, etc. Any advice/wisdom is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
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I can't stop panicking over the things he said about my parents.
Relationship Stress / by mootmoot16
Last post
 September 4th, 2020
...See more I just got out of my first long-term relationship about a month ago. My partner was an overall good person, but our relationship wasn't right for us, and we decided to end things mutually. The problem is, I frequently get very anxious about some of the things he said about my parents. When we started dating, he was emotionally unstable and occasionally fell into depressive episodes. He had previously attempted suicide, but he was healing. We would spend a lot of time together, but my parents disapproved because they were worried I wasn't spending enough time on school. I was really happy when I was with my partner, though. He loved me and being with me seemed to make his depression fade a bit. This isn't to say that he didn't give me space when I needed it, but during the early days of our relationship, he relied on me for emotional support a lot. However, around the 6th month of our relationship, he started becoming more hostile to my parents. Previously, we had joked about my mom throwing him out of the house if he ever came to visit and dumb things like that. The jokes felt harmless. At the time, I was working on a present for him. It took me a long time to make any progress on it, and realizing that I needed more time, I lied to my boyfriend and said that my mother had destroyed it, hoping to pass the blame. I immediately regretted it, knowing that my mom respected me, but I just didn't want to disappoint my partner. I further regretted it when he threatened her. He shook his head incredulously and said, "I swear, if she does that again, I'm going to hurt her." I backtracked quickly and told him the truth. I was horrified. Even if he was joking, it was over the line and terrifying to think about. He couldn't believe that I would lie to him about something like this, and we proceeded to fight about me lying to him and what he had said. He told me that we shouldn't need approval from my parents to be together because it was our relationship. Ultimately, I got him to apologize, but I'm still so uneasy about it. His apology seemed more begrudging than sincere, and I've been anxious about it for months. His emotional instability got better over time. He went to go see a therapist and spent some time in an inpatient program. We went through it all together. We had a lot of high points, but even for a long time after what he said about my mom, I would ask him (mutliple times) if he had any intention to hurt her. I couldn't get it out of my head. Sometimes, he took it well, shaking his head reassuringly and promising me no harm would come to my parents. But other times, he would get this look of disbelief, sadness, and frustration. He would say things like, "No, I wouldn't want to do that. I'm a good person. Why can't you believe me?" I would remind him of the things he said before, but he would respond with "But I apologized! I don't want to hurt anyone! Don't the good things I've done outweigh the bad things?" He would become miserable at my distrust. And I know he had a point. He apologized. He was nice to my parents whenever they met. His mental health grew stronger since then. But I always felt like he put the blame more on me, as if he didn't want to fully admit what he said was wrong and that I was the one getting anxious spontaneously. Even now, I can't stop thinking about it. It's consuming my life, and I just want it to stop. He kept assuring me he was a good person, but I can't manage to stop grappling with my doubts. I don't want to keep fighting with myself over whether or not I was dating someone good or bad. I just want to know. I'm so tired of wanting closure but not getting it because we don't talk much anymore. Am I just overthinking things? Is my anxiety justified?
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I wish I had been better.
Relationship Stress / by mootmoot16
Last post
 August 29th, 2020
...See more I was in the first long-term relationship of my life with my best friend of around twelve years. We broke up because of our differing values, and I'm sure things are just as hard for him as they are for me right now. But one of the worst things that I've noticed is how much he left behind for me. Everywhere I look, there is a gift from him. A necklace, a book, a keychain--and I don't know how I'm supposed to move on like this. And it's not necessarily because there's so many of his gifts. It's that I feel guilty that I couldn't give him as much as he gave me. During our relationship, I was really tight on money. He wasn't as concerned with his expenses. However, I still desperately wanted to get him something special, so on our first Valentine's Day, I made him a bracelet with our names engraved on it. The problem was, something was wrong with the construction, and it broke. I took it back to fix it, but then I was always trying to make it perfect. I was always trying to find a way to more accurately engrave our names or repair the jump rings. I delayed and delayed and delayed, and now we've broken up. And I feel like he has nothing from me. What makes it worse is that, while we were dating, he told me it was okay for me to give him the first version of the bracelet that I made. He told me that he would cherish it just as much as any of the gifts that I cherished from him. But I didn't listen. And I regret it so much. I feel so miserable about myself. I wish I wasn't a rampaging perfectionist and that I had just given him the bracelet early on. I don't know how to move past this guilt.
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Fear of people and volunteering don
Anxiety Support / by mootmoot16
Last post
 August 7th, 2020
...See more I signed up to sort medical supplies at a warehouse for two days. The whole initiative has to deal with taking supplies from hospitals that don't need them and then delivering them to countries that don't have what they need. I felt really good about helping out. But then I actually arrived at the facility and things got so much worse. For one, I underestimated how loud I would have to talk with my mask on. Every time I would ask a question about where supplies go or how to box them, the supervisors would ask me to repeat myself over and over. I felt like they were so frustrated with me. I just wanted to disappear, and eventually I had to stop asking questions because my fear of confrontation escalated to the point where it was unbearable. But then I just seemed even more incompetent because I was putting things in the wrong places. There was a also one supervisor who was very curt, which isn't something inherently bad, but he just seemed so angry at me. I began panicking every time he said something about my organization or declined the stuff I had sorted because it was expired. I felt so dumb in front of everyone. And on top of that, I couldn't even seem polite because I was wearing a mask. I feel like everyone hates me. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I don't know. But I feel a little better after venting.
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Was I raped? Please help me.
Relationship Stress / by mootmoot16
Last post
 August 6th, 2020
...See more I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. We had a good relationship, but it just wasn't the right relationship. I'm beginning the process of moving on, but something keeps nagging at me. I'm not sure if our first time was consensual. It's driving me insane. Now, I know that the definition of "consent" can be a little nebulous and varies from relationship to relationship, but I've been reading some articles about rape and the general consensus is: if there is no consent, it is rape. My boyfriend and I had our first time in a kind of confusing way. We were at my house, and while we were cuddling, I asked him if he would be willing to put it in, or try penetration. He said yes. That is consent. But this is where things start to get complicated. In my head, I thought this was just going to be us finding out what the sensation would feel like, so just one thrust and then he would stop. But I think we had a misunderstanding because he kept going afterwards. I was a little startled, but before I could say anything, he paused moving for a second and asked me if I wanted to stop. And it gets worse from here. I can't remember if I genuinely wanted to have sex, or if I was just unwilling to lose my virginity in such an unsatisfying and quick way. So I told him we could keep going. He asked me later on if I wanted to stop or not, and I always replied with no. In the end, I enjoyed our time together. I looked back on it as a fond memory for months. But I just feel uneasy now. The reason I feel so conflicted about this is because I just don't know what qualifies as rape. I really don't want to consider my first time as a rape, but based on what I've read, even if your partner enjoyed having sex with you it is still rape if they did not completely consent. I had a good time, but I wasn't necessarily completely comfortable with it. I'm really scared. Is this just one giant misunderstanding? I've tried asking him, but he got defensive and said that he gave me opportunities to stop him. I really loved him. All the other instances of us having sex were consensual. Am I just spiralling? I've never had intercourse with anyone else, so I may just be really inexperienced. I would really appreciate any input on this.
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I know it won't ever work, but I really wish it did.
Relationship Stress / by mootmoot16
Last post
 January 26th, 2021
...See more I've been in love with my best friend for almost 12 years now. We started dating a year and a half ago, but now we've broken up. In my head, I keep thinking that maybe we could try again. Maybe we could make this work. I loved him for so long, and I'm scared to let him go. We say we'll always be friends, but will we really? The truth is, the reason we couldn't stay together was because our personalities couldn't mesh in a romantic relationship. He was always welcoming to anyone--no matter their background. He had friends who were borderline racist, sexist, and overall offensive, but as long as his friends kept those beliefs away from their friendship, he didn't care. (He never held those same beliefs. He just wanted to be friendly to everyone.) He hated politics because picking one side would hurt another, and he just didn't want to hurt anyone. He preferred to stay silent instead of speaking out against something wrong. But I've always thought that silence strengthens oppressors and weakens the victims. I was never able to agree with him on that, and in the dying moments of our relationship, I called him out on it one last time. No matter how "okay" he was with my politcal beliefs, I just couldn't be okay with his. I love him with all my heart, but I know we can't stay together. It would just hurt us both even more. He told me that he never could truly be himself around me because he was afraid that he would say something that contradicted my values and that doing so would force me to dislike him. Lately, I've been wondering if it was my fault that we broke up. I read an article about falling in love and how when you love someone, you choose to love them. And that means you choose to accept their feelings, forgive their mistakes, and support them. But maybe it was my fault for never really being honest with myself. I knew that I wanted someone who agreed with my values to be my partner. I knew that my ex just didn't. But I was willing to ignore that fact because I thought we would grow together and change for the better. I was so delusional. But I still feel so conflicted. Am I just not welcoming enough? Should I be friends with everyone too? I deserve to assert my preferences, don't I? If I'm hoping for someone to have the same values as me, I shouldn't be afraid to decline people who aren't compatible with me, right? I'm so scared. He's my best friend, and I somehow simultaneously feel like I'm making the right and wrong decision to break up with him. I just don't want to lose him.
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