Idfk
I feel like it's my fault. For thinking that anyone could ever love me in the ways I needed. For trying to believe that there could be someone out there worth my love and worth my trust. I wanted to believe it was you, cause after all the mistakes I've made in the past I guess I just thought maybe this last time, maybe if I give love one more chance it would surprise me.
but if anything I think this turned out to be one of the best and worst relationships I've ever been in. Crazy how I say best even after all you've done. Even though I trusted you the most, and you hurt me the most.
I was tired of being angry, bitter, alone that's not the world I wanted to believe was made for me. I was never the type to guard my heart as much as I do now, was never the type to hold grudges for too long , I can say that I was a lover more than anything, over everything.
but I don't know if it's the world that makes people like me want to hide away or my choices, the people I chose to love or didn't I should say.
out of all the people I picked to give love one more chance with you and I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I ever could have made for myself. To love someone so childish, manipulative and selfish as you. To love someone who told the world about the things we did in private, to the things Iet you have in private ,. You told the world something I promised I would let only the best have , something I valued so much and made into something you could brag about and boost your ego.
to love someone who says he loves you and then calls you every hurtful name and even violates my home filled with the people I love. And I still love you. I still want you.
I let you go but I still think about you. I still wish it was you, and I just wonder is there something wrong with me --? How long will it take? how come you just couldn't be what I needed you to be?
I should have known you weren't who you claimed to be. Was it all just an act to get close to me? To get me to love you and then take advantage of me and violate me?
@lovingCup504
if i claim to know exactly how it feels i'll be a liar, I don't know, but I can imagine how trusting and loving, once more and being broken by the very same person you decided to trust would hurt, to give them access to your heart and them using that access to cause that heart harm
and i know how it is to be so hurt, so tured, so disappointed, and so mixed with anger, sadness, pain, confusion, questions and all and still love, and still wish that it could go another way, that they didn't break your heart and to still view that relationship as sorta the best too while being a big mistake
but i can also see how hard you are taking it on yourself, that's not true, that's not deserved, you are not guilty
You could not know, you had no fault in it, nothing is wrong with you
yeah it hurts, i know, but you are not to krep yourself accountable for it
lovinh and trusting are not stupid, they are courageous and beautiful and i'm proud of you for having that courage, for being a lover, maybe it wasn't a right desire the right person but you are human, you can make mistakes, and those mistakes can hurt but i believe in you to have the strength to get thru it too, to survive it
and someday when you are ready, when your heart is ready, and when you find the right person i beieve that you will have the courage and strength to trust again, to love again, and to experience it's beauty without any harm
for now tho, it's okay to give yourself time, to talk about it, to protect yourself and to give yourself the time you need to heal
if you need a friend to simply be present with you, to listen, for super tight virtual hugs or to remind you that you don't deserve being so hard on you, i'll be right here, only one reply away from you❤️
@Listeningsarinn
🥺🥺🥺. thank you for this! i really needed to be reminded. *virtual hug* lol
*sits with you and hugs back* always
