I get hurt a lot and I mentioned about the breakup, but I still miss him?
My boyfriend and I were okay until he started giving me requests that were too hard for me, for example he requested me not to tie my hair in double ponytails, braid my hair when I go out because he thinks that I will look cute in front of other guys, not to wear shorts, not to share any photos on histogram or on ig story because he doesn't like the feeling of other guys liking or commenting on my post, request me not to hang out in a group when there is a guy in it.
At first I strongly reject because I think those are my rights that should be respected, but he seems very unhappy, disappointed and cold towards me, giving me less love and attention. That makes me feeling less and less secured each day, I scared that one day he won't love me anymore. So I agree to his requests, and he wants me to promise him. I promise him in order to make him feel happy, make him love me more. And yeah, he becomes more happy when I agree to do what he wants. He is happy, but how about me? I feel like an empty shell. I feel like I lost myself. I feel that I cannot be myself and lost my freedom. Recently I went to a class party with my friends at a beach, he did stop me from going to the beach at first, but I refused to. So all of us were sitting in a circle playing together, and somehow he saw me playing with my friends through my friend's ig story, he started spamming my acc by saying:" You broke your promises! Believing and trusting you is just a shit" since then I felt more pressured and stressed out, receiving his messages make my heart bleed everyday, all are those hurtful words, making me hesitating whether this relationship is valuable or not.
I apologised to him by saying that friends should stick together when playing at the beach together, and I just wanted to have fun because it was our last year together, but what he wants is me alone stay in the room and not playing around. That night I called him and cried, I told him I needed to communicate and talk to him, I feel very very insecured, but he doesn't wanna pick up the phone, and said that I'm wasting his time. When he picked up the phone, he said :"you called me just to let me hear you cry? If there's nothing important Ill just hang up the phone. Gotta sleep now." I've talked to him that his requests make me feel very stress out before, but things don't work out. He always assumed that as an excuse to break my promises. The second day, I broke up with him because I really don't like the feeling of crying everyday. Please help me..I'm really feeling helpless and guilty now for breaking my promises and not giving what he wants instead
@purpleningg
Are you kidding me??? You've done 110% the right thing by ridding yourself of this guy who has some quite severe sounding issues. From what you've written, I would say (speaking as a man) that you are well out of this relationship.
He sounds like a control freak who is super insecure. You are better off single and with friends. You sound young with a good social life. Enjoy yourself, forget him, and move on down the road with a smile and in time, I'm sure you'll look back and breathe a sigh of relief!
Good luck
@helpfulIdea9612 Thanks a lot for taking time to read my long story! Oh you are indeed an angel. Yeah he could be controlling, dominant and demanding to me, and throughout the whole relationship with him I've been finding myself a lot of excuses like "what if he change for me one day?" "He is just insecured it's not his fault" "it's my fault for not giving what he wants in order to make him feel secured" and everything, that makes so hard for me to move on and to cut off the relationship! Love really blinds people, as you can see, when he treats me well again and gives me attention or love again, I start to forgive him and making excuses for him again, and the cycle repeats. Yeah that's the problem. I've been having a hard time, even after the breakup because I feel guilt inside and I'm so scared that I make the wrong choice. Fortunately I found seven cups who help me go through all this alot and support me throughout the whole journey, now I'm completely out of the relationship, deleted him in all social media platforms and obey the no contact rule. Phew, now I have less tears, less dramas, less stress and pressure and more freedom to be myself!😇
@purpleningg
Hi there,
Feeling some guilt is totally normal for rational, sane, compassionate people like yourself. That's a very healthy emotion. Just know that it's all part of the healing process and not some deep-rooted feeling you have because you've done something wrong!
Keep on keeping on. Some days will suck, some will be nice. You've done the right thing and are much stronger, wiser and better off for this experience.
All the best
@purpleningg You made the right decision. It is always hard to end a relationship, no matter how good or bad it was. So it's understandable and completely natural to feel sad, confused, or guilty when you end the relationship, even though you know it's the right thing to do.
Because it was the right thing to do. The sooner you leave a toxic, controlling relationship like that, the better.
You see, love and respect goes both ways. When a relationship starts, both parties have to commit. You cared a lot about making him happy, but he seemed to care more about appeasing his own insecurities than making you feel loved and respected. So, in a way, he's broken an unspoken promise, too.
If possible, avoid having further contact with him, and give yourself time to heal.