I married my high school sweetheart and I'm not happy
I feel so stuck in my marriage. I think we're not a happy, healthy couple. I think I just don't want to spend in that relationship the rest of my life but i can't leave. Despite deep down in my gut I feel it doesn't work for years, I'm too afraid that decision to break up is't right and that I'll regret it to the end of my life.
We're a couple since highschool, I was 15 and he was 17 when we started dating. Now we're together for 11 years, married for 2. We have changed a lot but also I think that I ignored so many red flags waving just before my eyes.
We have so different view of the world. The most important in that there's a huge gap between our levels of empathy and sense of responsibility. It's hard for him to stand in someone shoes, he very easilly call people idiots, ugly or fat.
He don't want to have kids. After mamy conversations and telling him that this is a deal breaker for me, he agreed to have them in the future, but I think he still don't want them. Every time I jokingly suggest not having kids he reacts very enthusiastically. I'm afraid of being "default parent". Sometimes I already feel like I live with a big bearded kid...
We also constantly arguing about having sex, because his libido is much higher than mine. Often when I don't want to have sex he nags and sulks, which turns me off even more, because I feel manimulated. He behaves like it's my responsibility to satisfy him. In the morning I tiptoe around the house to avoid waking him up, because i know that after he wakes up he ask for sex or blow job.
I think we don't even like spending time together. And when we do, I often feel mentally drained.
I want to have family in the future, but I can't imagine starting it with my husband.
After few months of analysing all that situation I told him that I want to break up, but he convince me not to do that, he told me that he know he's annoying somethimes but he will work on that. After few month more I still think we should split, but I feel I won't be able to gather so much mental energy to initiate that kind of concersation once more time.
Hi, sorry you both are having a difficult time. I too married my high school sweet heart we have been together 15 yrs married 3. We don't really enjoy time together, we can't even go shopping without it ending up in a fight. I really want a divorce but since I can't work full time and my medical bills are most of my income I wouldn't survive. I feel stuck, stuck that I have to go through him for insurance, bills, etc.
He is high functioning autistic and does very well but he just takes advantage of me and I'm tired of being told since I don't work full time I should have the house clean, etc...I have fibromyalgia and Rhumatoid arthritis and have been struggling since being diagnosed after we got married. I hate not being as active as I want to be with work and everything else but I'm so tired of all the bull. I'm already miserable with physical issues and depression, this has taken my ability to continue my education and get my masters degree...just frustrated in so many ways
@Atsumiko
First, sorry for you situation, it sounds painfull.
This is common, the exact details vary from person to person but the overall situation is that you are now not attracted much to the man(husband). As a result you either don't want to submit to him or feel resentfull to do so. Thousands of other women or millions in same situation.
When we ask a man to improve, he does not know how to do it. If he did, already done. Does that make sense?
Sex is one of the great measurment tools in life. According to the old phyciatrist Freud it is responsible for about half of our desires in life. Some truth in that. Girls libido is usually attached to attraction, guys are attached to visual and physical. Girls attraction is based on other stuff, not just looks. If your man was out winning and improving and creating more value for your family you would probably have much higher libido for him.
Don't cheat on him, if you need to do that split up before you do. ANY guy that will cheat with you that knows you are married is even worse than you have now but in a different way.
There are a few things you could try and some soft ways to try to get him turned around, but really it falls to him. For now his needs are getting met.. but as your disapointment and anger grows that will change at some point and then he will say.. “what happened”.
