I messed up.
So it's a really long story but to make it simple. My girl friend and I ended things. Well she ended it after finding out that I had been talking to other girls. Then we decided to work towards getting back together and giving it another go so we dated but not in a relationship. Then I did it again. This was a consistent issue with me. The first time I did flirt and lied about not being a relationship. This last time I ended up calling them a queen (I don't remember the context) and was asking to hang out with someone my GF suspected that I had feelings for. I feel awful. I don't really understand why I did it. I can't even remember the queen thing and talking to the girl she suspected I just wanted to see and say hi and I had no romantic intentions. But after going through my phone my girl friend didn't want to listen to anything I had to say. Even if we were not officially together at the moment this happened nor after. It's that I lied to her about talking to other women and she trusted that I was dedicated to her and making things right. And I was but I couldn't help but look to see what else is out there. I don't know if I wanted a back up plan or I was window shopping or what. I just did it to see what might happen. At the end of the day I would have chosen her and I didn't really care for these women. Now she's brined everything and has adamantly decided to end things and I don't know what to do, think or feel at this point. It's all my fault. I am a terrible person. I hurt her and I wish I could take it all back and make right. I was given a 2nd chance and I pissed it away. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know why I keep destroying everything good for myself.
I'm no expert or what, I'm also on here with relationship problems but I've been there before. I found myself talking to other girls while I was in a marriage, because at the time I thought what else is out there, do people other then my wife think I'm attracted. She found out, we sorted things out and a year later I did it again. That was the final straw she broke up with me and that was it. 6 to 12 months later I after all the pain was starting to fade away my head became clear why I did these things, I wasn't happy but didn't really realise it or want to lose everything I had incase someone else wasn't as stable. But I'm glad now how things turned out because I've met someone else that made me even more happy then I was before so maybe this is a good thing for you too, explore who's out there and settle down and focus on one person. Its not worth losing someone even if you just want to meet up with some girl that you don't even have feelings for because it will never look good
Thank you. I appreciate your insight. That's what I am going to spend a lot of time doing which is just gonna be trying to figure out what I felt was missing and why I did what I did. I never want this to happen again. I regret it immensely.
@Melancholy23. I would try therapy or counseling or some sort of CBT worksheets that might be able to help depending on what area you need help with.
Try looking at it from psychology's point of view. Read a bit about 'acting out', might help. Our unconcious mind influences actions more than we may think, and it takes control sometimes if we don't get into contact with our inner selves and communicate our feelings properly to other people. We cannot live 100% of time in a self concious state, of course, but sometimes we need to stop and think about what we are feeling.
