I need advice
My husband and I is coming up on our 2 year anniversary of being married. We’ve been together for 14 years every since high school. I am 32 and he’s 33. Our relationship has always been rocky, more on his end with a ton of cheating. He has cheated on me in our going together stage, but I feel it’s still happening in our marriage stage. When I get a hunch about something, it’s always spot on. Right before we got married, I found explicit sexual talk and actions on his smart watch with multiple women. I bet you are saying, if you saw this why did you get married?! I really wanted to give this relationship another Chance even after the million chances have already been given. I was naive and thought marriage will fix the situation. Yes stupid of me.
fast forward a little bit, in July of this year. I’ve noticed my husband was still on this dating website where I’ve confronted him about before. He tells me he’s a people’s person and doesn’t mean anything by it. I’ve asked and told him not to be on it because it’s a huge slap in the face and by being on the dating app, you don’t respect me as a wife. Of course he does what he wants and continues on.
lately I’ve been noticing strange cash app transactions to women names, women that are not in his friends or coworkers circle. This has been bothering me a lot lately and has made me become really cold to our relationship. It’s gotten bad, very bad. We hadn’t had sex since July. Even when we had sex, I did not enjoy it. I just laid there dead to the world. I don’t want enjoy this man/my husbands company anymore. I’ve poured my heart out to him
for years and truly loved and cared for him. But no more! I can’t stand for him to touch me, or try to kiss me, or try to rub me. I don’t like him calling or texting me throughout the day and if he does I get extremely angry and annoyed to the point I want to just cry for being angry.
please don’t judge me on this… so because I saw him on the dating app. I started talking to and seeing 2 guys. I know this isn’t ladylike and me wanting to do it because im
furious with my husband. I just feel if he can continue to do it why not me. I am doing it only to flirt and have fun and to secretly get back at him.
seriously. I know we need to seek marriage counseling or just to end this divorce. I feel my anger and resentment I’ve grown for my husband is not healthy. I feel that counseling at this point will do no good.
This is only
1/3 of the problem. I haven’t even said anything about his spending Habits, bad credit, narcissistic and procrastinating ways, me having to File BR etc…
what do you think about this situation?
@cperson I'm sorry you had to go through this, and you deserve far far better
I feel that I do deserve better. Thank you!
@ cperso,
I feel you, I know how it feels to be in what seems to be a rather toxic relationship.
Question is, what do yiou want?
If you relax a bit, for instance by focused breathing, and you sit down with yourself, what does your heart tell you to do?
One advice, if you guys decide to file for divorce, get yourself a decent mediator. Cheaper, less cold (if you find a decent and emphatetic one, don't settle for less).
PS do you guys have kids?
I absolutely don’t even blame you for considering other guys since your husband has clearly been seeing other girls all these years. I’m currently going through a breakup after 9 years together and something I’ve come to realize is that you can’t make people change and that only they can change themselves. You could consider marriage counseling but at this point if you’re seeing other men then it might be best to go your separate ways. It doesn’t sound like your marriage is giving you peace and I think you deserve to have some peace after all these years of chaos. I’d suggest that you consider individual counseling for yourself for your own mental health and to help move forward on whatever you decide to do. Sending positive vibes your way’ 💕