I need help.

@Unknownxx1

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago because he did me wrong and instead of caring about me while I was struggling with low self esteem, depression and overall mental illness he wasn't there..(This is a sign you felt disconnected because he wasn't there for you and didn't show empathy for how you feel. I can see why you broke up with him) I left him for a week before our break up to get my shit together because that's what he told me to do so when he was hella upset from me. i texted him back after a week (I can tell you were trying to connect with him and see how things go) he immediately went straight forward and told me I am learning new facts about you everyday and now I can tell you are actually a narcissist, he proceeded to offer help. (This is very hurtful to hear after you tried connecting with him. He is putting all of the blame on you, and took the time to look for ways to deflect the blame. He is not admitting he played a role in the way you wanted to disconnect) I was so powerless and I was shocked like ??? How can you do that to me ? (Its understandable you are asking yourself this questions because it really feels awful when someone accuses you of things you are not or didn't do) After everything l've done to make you happy for the past 9 months (This shows you are an amazing partner, but did he put the same effort as you?) istg I loved him more than his actual parents did. "More than his actual parents did", this is an indication he will always have trouble connecting, attaching, trusting and managing emotions) He keeps on assuming shit about me when i Just wanted space l'm struggling with myself!!! ..(I can tell you wanted to disconnected for awhile because of what you were going through and the way he has been mistreating you) Afterwards he realized it's getting bad and it's definitely over between us (He felt anxiety and being alone made him feel like how things was as a child) ,he came bk to me apologizing regardless of the things he told me and that he doesn't actually mean it (He is anxious and trying to do whatever it takes to get rid of the anxiety. Look at the way he said "I didn't mean it", its a sign he is not taking responsability for his actions. His behavior will become abusive again if you let him back because he is doing this to soothe himself, not as an act of guilt and remorse) ,I don't know if this is an excuse to save himself or defend himself he said he doesn't even know the meaning of a narcissist..(He is downplaying what he said, not admitting that what he did was hurtful. He took the time to research what a narcissist is on order to label you, and to feel justified for blaming you) to be honest I really don't know what l'm suppose to do . Whatsoever I sill left him for everything he did.. but part of me wants him back and I miss him do I sound crazy ? (I think is normal that you miss him and want him back, you were with him for a long time so the feelings are there. I do think he has tons of past childhood issues, very low self esteem and a fragile sense of self. He tends to idealize a lot, when things becomes overwhelmed is where he devalues you, and then does whatever it takes you get back when he feels alone. This is not someone you can have a healthy relationship with)