I need help to decide this means a lot to me
Im sorry for making this long I really had to..So things didnt work out with my bf I guess he want us to be apart. Yesterday my bf told me that he lost feelings towards and I think I do too but I didnt tell him but then he made it my fault somehow.. he is that type of person who cant handle and take full responsibility of his own actions and mistakes instead he tries to defend himself just to not feel guilty of the things they did to you. I have told him multiple of times that he is selfish cause he only thinks about himself & whats best for him only!. Lately he started to use my past against me he is like u did that I bet you are not over it ,he said I dont want to be used or whatever I deserve so much more. My bf never really understood me it feels like we are totally different ppl and yeah I think we dont fit to be together.. A year ago I opened up abt my depression to him he seemed like he is ok with it but today he just doesnt know how to deal with me or understand me ,he only complains that Im being moody .he is ignorant and selfish. Simply came to me and told me last night hey idk how I feel abt us dont mind me saying this but I dont feel the same then the next day calling me babe and all like he didnt say anything then said I thought about it real quick I think we can do it together forget about yesterday.
@Unknownxx1
If you wrote down a list of all of these things that he does, and I'll start you out:
1. Doesn't take responsibility for his actions or words
2. Makes statements of how he feels, but then turns it around and makes it your fault
3. With that, he assigns blame when it isn't warranted (which, blame doesn't solve anything, but only aims to harm your relationship together)
4. He gets defensive when he's confronted with the truth
5. He's selfish and tends to only think about himself
6. He uses your past against you in arguments
7. You're both totally different people
8. You both do not fully understand the other, and attempts to work on that are futile
9. You've worked on opening up to him about things that greatly impact you, but he doesn't know how to maturely handle the information or what to do to support you
10. He constantly complains that you're moody
11. He is ignorant and selfish (you'd mentioned selfish twice)
12. He comes to you and spells out the end of the relationship then, seemingly changes his mind the next day by pretending everything is fine and dandy, and hoping to just forget what he said the night before that likely hurt your feelings and tossed your relationship into jeopardy, which he likely doesn't consider how his words cut and hurt.
You can continue to add to this list, based on situations and characteristics that he has shown you over the time you've been together. After finishing the list, or getting to a suitable number of things -- you're going to want to ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you to be in, and if it's healthy for you to continue. Is there a way to fix those items by working with him to understand why those things hurt so much? Is he open to constructive criticism, working out a plan for both of you to get to a healthier state, and can you both change the ways in which you communicate with one another?
There are things that can be changed through effort and then there are traits that are hard grained, difficult to change because they are values or characteristics that are baked well into their personality. You're going to have to determine which of those traits can be adjusted and which are likely traits that you're simply going to have to adjust to, find ways to cope or handle him in ways that counteract the behaviors he's exhibiting.
Take a look at your list, and make a decision on if you wish to invest more energy, time, and effort into making things better or if you're better off staying single for a while so that you can determine what you really want and need in a relationship and what healthy relationships likely enjoy compared to your present situation.
Good luck to you both!
