In need of advice/support
So the last five months since my ex broke up with me have been confusing. He broke no contact after one month, then told me to stay out of his life and live mine and wanting me to move on, then asked to meet up, didnt show up and then starting talking to me once a week for the last 4 months. Finally, a couple of weeks ago he finally told me he missed me, my voice, thought about me everyday, and still had a picture of me that he looked at. 2 weeks past, then Last week told me hed be in the area and hoped he could see me. The day before he drops the bomb he just started dating someone. After that I told him I could no longer speak to him or be friends, I needed to cut all ties with him. He never showed up to meet with me and its really depressed me. He told me after the break up Id always mean something important to him, hed always love me, he only wants the best for me and that wont ever change. Then why is he doing this to me? Why am I not good enough? Why tell me you miss me then start a whole new relationship? This is confusing and Im feeling really down on myself
@Christa10x
Hello Christa, Welcome to Relationship Support Space. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with us.
But, we apologize for the delay in responding to you.
As I see we are late in supporting you, can you please help us with the current status of the concerns you have and if you still would like to discuss and figure things out together with us? We would be glad to listen and support you, if we could be of some help. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Sending virtual hugs!
@Christa10x, Hi. I really feel for you. Im in a similar situation, however the fool I was with for years got back with an ex girlfriend who hated me and who is married. He came to tell me, apparently, she is leaving her husband, selling her house, their buying a place together for them and her kids......
I've since started therapy and it evolved that our relationship was very abusive, that he was abusive to me. I didn't believe it as there was no violence and no huge agression. But slowly the therapist described my relationship, little things, continous put downs i didnt' even notice. In hindsight, he was hugely controlling, even when we broke up. He still wants to be my friend, but like you, i've taken control and told him I don't want to be his friend at this point, maybe never, that i don't trust or respect him. He still trys to keep in contact.
Have a look, was your relationship controlling (he controlled me for a long time by claiming he had depression, but wouldn't get treatment, also simple put downs when he should have been cheering me on. I assume it was honesty but in the context it was control)
I'm still struggling, thinking of how he moved on so easy after crying and begging to get back with me for months.
You deal with you. Talk to people. push yourself to be happy in yourself. It is not easy, infact it is heartbbreaking, but so many people have gone through heartbreak and survived, you will too (this is my mantra at the minute)
I tell myself that i will be grateful he did this in the future as i will make sure i'm good and happy and find someone with values like mine. He will bounce from this one, to the next one as he is using those as a crutch to move on without tackling the problem. Good luck
@Christa10x I am sorry this is happening to you. First, I want to say that you are good enough and that this situation happened because of decisions he made. Those decisions were unfair to you.
Relationships are rough. I think a lot of times the back and forth that people do after breakups is because of comfort and what they are used to. It's hard to leave that behind, even though we might realize it's not a good situation. So, we try to keep in contact, or meet up, or even experience physcial pleasure with again, just to try to feel that connection. Doing that really isn't fair to anyone, though.
I have learned that it is impossible to be friends with an ex right away. You have to get used to the new situation, and that takes time and experiencing the grief and pain that the loss of the relationship caused.
I need help/advice. I found out that my wife of 20 years is having an affair to someone for almost 6 years when i discovered it. I discovered the extra marital relationship of my wife almost 3 years now, but still the pain/hurt I'm feeling as if it happened only yesterday. She stopped her relationship to other man and we are still together for the sake of our kids. But I can't make that incident disappear in my mind, almost every night it is on my mind and i can't hardly sleep anymore.
