Is this abuse and what did I do wrong

Me and my boyfriend were together for a year. Living together for 5 months. Things have been good we’ve enjoyed living together and have done so well. The only problem is his drinking and partying every weekend. This only started back a few months ago and he’d go out all night and not come home to the next morning as he was partying with friends – sometimes he would pick fights with me when he was out putting down our relationship then come home and apologise. Most weekends it was the same if I was not out with him. I also found a few occasions he lied to me where I caught him out and he still denied it despite proof and threatened to leave if I didn’t believe him or leave it. We’ve always had issues with communicating he’s hotheaded and shouts a lot which I don’t like and doesn’t take criticism well. I found myself letting slot of things go to keep the peace. We were out at the weekend and he was getting in fights I was trying to hold him back and he was swinging and hit me and grabbed me by the neck – according to my friend who seen. He then got the bouncers to put me out as he was friendly with them. I was out on the streets and he just continued partying and did not come home or message to see if I was okay. When I confronted him about it the next day he said “I obvs didn’t mean it” and went as far to deny he had did anything wrong and said “it’s always me” despite him doing that to me and people

Witnessing it. We have left the house now and I am back home and we are no longer together. We had a talk yesterday and he said he still loved me but we decided to leave the relationship both of us were upset about this. I have removed him of social media but I am so heartbroken at how he could treat me like that and deny it. I am struggling to accept this as we were happy all week and had been discussing the future. He had been helping me this last few weeks as I’d been feeling low due to depressions and he’d be so good at helping me and supporting me. I just feel like a fool like it is my fault this has happened as he’s downplayed grabbing me and made me feel like it wasn’t his fault? Just feel so blindsided and embarrassed and can’t help but want him back despite how he has treated me and I don’t understand why. I feel like it was due to me being down and depressed he didn’t want me anymore, despite everything being fine before the weekend. Any help would be appreciated on how to cope with this