Is this normal behaviour? What should I do?
Is my boyfriend gaslighting me?
I spoke to my boyfriend about what is going on, how he always seems to ignore when I’m talking to him or ask him a question and he answers but then hasn’t listened because he asked me to repeat it. He said he didn’t realise he was doing it and said this happened in past relationships where they accused him of not listening and did say he wondered if that’s where they went wrong.
He has completely ignored talking about my birthday and it wasn’t until I said I got myself an early birthday present that he said he was going to get something for my birthday but he was worried because he said he can’t get me much but he didn’t like I was talking about what a colleague is getting from her boyfriend for her birthday. It was never to bring him down , I am not materialistic and explained this was because my work mates birthday is a milestone.
He talks about everything he wants for his birthday a few months away but won’t acknowledge mine.
My bf did say he is worried I’m digging for things that aren’t a problem but I think it was getting too much. Not about the birthday at all but that I don’t feel he listens.
He was holding his phone in an awkward position yesterday and he didn’t look comfy and I said you don’t have to sit like that. He only replied he’s not hiding anything. When I mentioned this he says he doesn’t remember saying this either but in recent weeks he’s said this twice.
He has stopped my tags showing up on his Facebook feed and only said he wasn’t trying to hide me from anyone. This all on top of finding out he has a son he never told me about is a lot to take in and sorry this is a long post. I’m trying to work out this behaviour too and is this reason to worry? Thanks again for reading and for your help.
my spouse does the same thing to me i can say something and he needs it repeated and explained over and maybe again if it is about something coming up.... when he is preoccupied ... do not let me start on the birthday thing he never remembers and always does last minute awkward things i wish he just did not do.
maybe a lot is going on inside.... many men IMO are not good at sharing feelings and if his mind is elsewhere he cannot focus on anything else. Finding out about items you did not know like son is not digging ........but pointing out he has not been upfront about somethings.
He may or may not be hiding something ........but more likely is not sure of his thoughts at the moment and has not reached out to you as it is ahrd to expalin if he has other things he neglected to mention.
He just by be struggling, have a lot on his mind, or find it hard to focus, busy with his own thoughts.
Maybe you can find a way to help him. Ask him what he needs right now, I mean, the moment you ask.
Please refrain from phrases as gaslighting. All too often those phrases are abused, said too easily not knowing what they actually mean, and doing unnecessary harm when you even start thinking that way.
@emotionalJet5009
