I thought I was over her
My ex-girlfriend and I were best friends since we were 12, together for 2 years, and broke up mid-late 2017 as our relationship going long distance caused too much strain.
Our break up was somewhat messy, ending with us blocking each other on multiple platforms and stopping all contact.
I did not handle it well, considering she was my only friend left and I was dealing with a lot (homelessness, family problems, no income, PTSD). It took me a few months to move past things, and I started seeing someone new. But last night I came across a file on my computer, a letter my ex wrote, and all those feelings just came rushing back.
I feel pathetic. I ended up cyber stalking her to see if there was anyway to contact her again. There is, but I haven't.
I feel like I'm betraying my girlfriend now because I can't get my ex out of my head.
I don't even know what I want.
I need to apologise, get rid of all the guilt about how things ended and the shitty partner I was, which I know is selfish. I don't even need her to forgive me, I just have to let it out and know it's been heard.
But I also miss her so much. She was meant to be it, the one, everything. I still love her. Those feelings don't just go away, and it's only been a year. If she were to ask me back out I'd say yes in a heartbeat, and I feel so insanely guilty because of my girlfriend.
I just don't know how to make things sit right in my head. It's so confusing and stressful
@hercupoftea i would talk to a threapist they would be able to help you sort out your feelings other wise i don't really have any advice that would help
@hercupoftea
i agree with KitKat Id consider talking to a therapist. It will help you get out everything you want to say and help you see what is best for you.
ive been through something very similar. Started dating friend Ive known for over 30 years everything was great, were planning to move in together and really thought Id grow old with her. It was a long distance relationship and she is dealing with illness and had bad report so needed treatment I knew didnt go well last time. I didnt understand exactly what was happening and she asked for space and I tried to figure out what was going on and would ask her and check on her until she cut me out of her life completely. Wouldnt answer me and I finally had to ask for help and found out have anxiety disorder which made the situation worse. Been seeing therapist for few months now and has helped a great deal. But found note from her the other day and brought back a lot of old emotions but thinking of what therapist had helped with help me get through it. Ill probably never get over her not knowing anything or how she is but talking about it has helped tremendously.
Wouldnt be embarrassed to talk to one either. And before you tell your current girlfriend think about what it might do to that relationship. But talk to someone about it
