It's now looking very certain..

I'm really upset over a guy I love who's lead me on that doesn't love me bck. I don't know how to let this one go. I'm hurting really bad. I tried to tell him how he's made me feel and he's just like "whatever". I know you can't make someone give a crap about you but it still hurts. I'm trying so hard to get over it, stop thinking about it but it's just so hard. He's the only guy to ever get me this way. I know he's not worth all of the drama he's putting me through but still I can't let go. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's making me really really sad.

@convivialCoconut8033 Hey you!! I feel you in almost every way, except that i wasnt married and i dont have kids either but im sure my experience can help you since i have felt alone and desperate many times. I went through an abusive relationship and thought it was the end of the world literally, and another man came into my life after a few months and it was hard for me to open up again and trust somebody, however i did and it helped me and hopefully he wont betray me since i do have trust issues and feel like i wont be happy with another man again. Im really glad I encountered this comment my first time on 7 Cups, i love this website, i just chatted with a listener and it truly does help if you feel lonely and have no one to talk to or dont trust anyone you know....OKAY THIS IS MY ADVICE: Don't give up!! You are a strong woman regardless of your life experiences with men, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger... you should be proud you overcame your relationship with your ex husband because not a lot of women are able to do that and YOU did because you cared about your life and kids more and that strength within us is what makes us special and unique, and according to science (literally) we tolerate pain better than men Lol (my boyfriend is a physician he told me).... You need to learn how to love yourself again and become a confident woman, Easier said than done but I promise if you keep at your goals in life, the ones that truly matter , you will succeed and be able to move on.. There's this one quote that I kept in my heart and mind and I live by it...."Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." - Charles R. Swindoll". It's all about your ATTITUDE towards life. STAY POSITIVE, PERSISTANCE IN WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE. Don't wory about the money, everything has an answer and solution, "If you look, you will FIND" I've talked with my therapist about how helpless i feel and she has given me a lot of tips on coping with situations where i feel hopeless.

@convivialCoconut8033 Okay so here are some of the tips my therapist shared with me. First of all, get your mind busy, at work and with house chores or just watch TV, something you enjoy(dont watch negative things) so you get your mind off your problems. You need to meditate with a peaceful and blank mind, take some time for yourself to rethink your goals in life and possible solutions to your situation according to your needs, call a friend to babysit your kids for a couple hours or go to your local church/hospital and have them sit with you or if there is a child's area, let them be there. If necessary, (say your SO doesn't trust you or is following you) book an appointment at your local hospital if it is low cost just to have an excuse that you've had back pain or whatever and perhaps talk with the physician and during the waiting time you can write down your current thoughts, how you feel, what is wrong in your life, and how you can overcome these problems, you truly need this alone time to think clearly and somewhere you are not home or in noisy atmosphere (wherever you believe is better). You need to be okay for your kids and for society, all of us and your kids believe in you, it's time for YOU TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I went through deep sh*t for a long time but i sought help and felt better with time and now I'm a better version of myself and because of this reason I want to help others and I'm on this site giving hope to others as well and you can do that to! We need each other, change starts TODAY and with YOU. You are not in control of anybody's action(say your SO) and you are responsible to take care of yourself and love yourself when llife and others let you down. If you believe in God, say a prayer from the heart and truly believe, people at church are more willing to help as well. I would also suggest for you to talk with someone you trust even if you feel helpless, maybe just tell them the most important part of your situation and what you need help with, let it be emotional or monetary support, opening up helps to not feel helpless and getting on internet forums helps as well since you can connect with other people that have gone through the same or similar. NEVER lose hope,"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says I'm-possible" Stay strong, stay hopeful, stay positive, stay confident! Write down Motivational Adjectives in different colors that describe your strengths and hang them up with masking tape to avoid wall damage somewhere inyour house, or just in a notebook(YOU will need a designated notebook to do these exercises i have mentioned and keep it in a secret hiding place which could be under the bathroom sink in a plastic bag or idk,anything that works for you, you gotta get creative!! , and overcome your weaknesses using your strengths, self evaluate yourself. Whatever you have to do, just DO IT!! :) I love to help! If you'd like to keep talking just send me a message, I'm going to become a Listener soon. Hugssss!

ONE LAST TIP: Do some exercise even if it's just walking for 20-30 min to start off, it helps with your motivation, selfesteem, and overall health (My boyfriend is a physician he has given me those tips)

Do things you like to do.

Enjoy yourself, LOVE yourself

You are stronger than you believe

God loves us but wants us to get to know him and be able to hear his word, FAITH FAITH FAITH

@convivialCoconut8033

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Things have been rocky lately and my relationship of 3yrs is now about at an end. Previously to this one, I was in a 10yr relationship with the father of my kids. Life was very different with him and there was emotional, physical, sexual and verbal abuse going on daily. (This communicates that there were certain reasons why you chose to stay on this relationships. The reasons could be; fear of being alone, fear of starting all over again, fear of how things will be once the relationship over, staying for the kids which this relationships affects them, and this is possibly the way you might have seen how relationships are). I came out damaged. (In here you have to be careful, it's very important to fully overcome what happened in your childhood and past, if not then tons of triggers and fears will be brought to the new relationship). Towards the end of breaking free, this new man came into my life and help me cut ties completely. I never had much time to heal and today carry a lot of baggage, I was a completely broken woman. (I do feel it was important to heal first, I could be wrong, but one of the reasons for entering a relationship could have been to help you move on from the past relationship). At first this new man was very caring and seemed to understand my pain and insecurities but in all things, that faded. (People can hide who they truly for the first 60 days, after that is where people start to feel comfortable, then we will how they really are). Idk if it's from the infidelity or the many rapes that occurred over the years.. but certain things I cannot tolerate. (It could be what the other person is doing, but also it causes triggers and fears inside of you that come from the past). He knows this yet I've caught him sneaking around doing things that have me feeling betrayed. (It depends on what he was doing, I'm not sure what he did since it was not specify, but it must had been something strong). He tries to tell me it's no big deal, it's something all guys do and if I can't deal with it have fun being alone. (In here he is mimizing your feelings "It's not a big deal", this communicates that possibly he could be avoidant, meaning that he can be quite cold at times, back away a lot etc. He knows full well that you have certain insecurities but he didn't handle this very well. The appropiate way to handle this was being playful, mature and giving you reassurance, if not then it's only going to escalate). It hurts to know he's constantly lusting after other women.. I have kept my heart and my eyes true to him, why couldn't he just do the same?. (This tells me he doesn't really have emotional self control, its common sense to not be constantly lusting other woman infront of you because it'll make you feel like he is comparing you to her, like he wants to have intimacy with those women, and like you are not the woman of his eyes and heart). I feel like I have now reverted back to my old ways and can no longer be touched by him in that way. (Of couse you would feel this way, you don't feel comfortable and safe, so it makes you do things to protect your heart from him. You built a wall between the two of you because of how he has been showing up, the wall becomes stronger when he keeps screwing up). When I cut ties with my kids father I left everything behind to start new. (Im proud of you, this takes a lot of strength and courage to do) Now that has me in a situation I cannot get out of. I cannot afford to leave, I recently lost my dl and if I lose this job I will owe them 1000's. Tonight he has left, he won't tell me where. (He should be communicating with you, understanding where you are coming from, asking you out on a date, instead he leaves...not cool) Yes, I feel very alone and almost desperate..(This is separation anxiety, i think that you need him so much for your happiness and well being, so it causes stress and tension when he is not around).