I wish I had been better.

I was in the first long-term relationship of my life with my best friend of around twelve years. We broke up because of our differing values, and I'm sure things are just as hard for him as they are for me right now. But one of the worst things that I've noticed is how much he left behind for me. Everywhere I look, there is a gift from him. A necklace, a book, a keychain--and I don't know how I'm supposed to move on like this.

And it's not necessarily because there's so many of his gifts. It's that I feel guilty that I couldn't give him as much as he gave me.

During our relationship, I was really tight on money. He wasn't as concerned with his expenses. However, I still desperately wanted to get him something special, so on our first Valentine's Day, I made him a bracelet with our names engraved on it. The problem was, something was wrong with the construction, and it broke. I took it back to fix it, but then I was always trying to make it perfect. I was always trying to find a way to more accurately engrave our names or repair the jump rings. I delayed and delayed and delayed, and now we've broken up.

And I feel like he has nothing from me.

What makes it worse is that, while we were dating, he told me it was okay for me to give him the first version of the bracelet that I made. He told me that he would cherish it just as much as any of the gifts that I cherished from him. But I didn't listen. And I regret it so much. I feel so miserable about myself. I wish I wasn't a rampaging perfectionist and that I had just given him the bracelet early on. I don't know how to move past this guilt.